The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Beth and Gang]

I am from the Youngstown area, she is from the Cleveland area. She often has weekend presentations, and she is definitely worth a phone call. Once you see her calming effect on your four legger you will be glad you did.

She can help with dietary problems, illnesses, behavior issues...whatever is bothering your fur kid, she'll know and offer you some suggestions.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Beth....very interesting.  I'm going to check out the website.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Oh JANE this sounds like my idea of hell too!! :(

Murphy's reaction to the situation at the beach house reminds me of the time I took Tara to Petsmart on a VERY busy weekend day and she was completely overwhelmed. Now I had taken her many times to another local pet store and she always did fine. But it was usually during the week and it was quieter. The level of distraction and the new environment at Petsmart was WAY too much for her to handle. She lunged and jumped at everyone and every dog and it was as if I didn't even exist.

 

Given her personality/temperament it is important to always EASE her into any new situation. She is not good at adapting to sudden change. It we give her time to investigate and explore new situations at her own pace she does fine though.

I think Murphy is a sensitive boy too and this was just too many changes too fast for his system to deal with. And it may just be his personality and he will always be somewhat that way. Tara is slowly improving and calming as she gets older (2 1/2 now) and Murph is really still very young and life is still full of surprises for him (many scary!)

 

So I think just continuing the work you are already doing and slowly expanding his comfort zone is going to help him work through this in the long run. You have done such a great job with him but the works not done yet!! Like Joanne's article states-it's a lifetime process!

 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks Ricki...you're right, there's still a lot of work to be done with Murph.  The thing that makes it so difficult is that he can't seem to generalize what he learns through training.  It's like I have to begin all over with each new situation.  I'm glad to hear that Tara is improving and getting calmer....maybe there's hope.

[Camilla and Darwin]

No advice, but I'm sorry your vacation was so terrible! :-(

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Camilla.

[Anna and Achilles]

oh Jane I am so sorry! M first dog Houdini could travel anywhere, anytime with anyone. Achilles not so much! I feel your pain.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thank you Anna!  You must be getting ready to go back to school...hope you had a great Summer.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I'm so surprised and so sad to hear that Murph didn't do well at the beach.

I think I know as much about his background as you do, and I don't think this stems from a traumatic incident in his early weeks, although being rehomed only 3 or 4 weeks after he originally left his litter couldn't have done him any good. I think Carol is right, this is hard-wired.  I'd bet that his parents didn't have great temperaments, and early socialization was lacking. Still, there are lots of puppies who come out of puppy mills/pet stores and have had NO early socialization, and they do just fine with kids, people, crowds, etc.

I remember watching videos of Murphy  when you first had him, and thinking that he seemed more detached than I would have expected for such a young puppy. In places where there were lots of other people and other dogs, he seemed not to be interested in interacting with any of them, just went around on his own. That seemed odd to me. Maybe that's related to his current behavior, maybe not.

I also don't agree that this comes from the poodle in him. I have lived with three purebred poodles in my life, and one was more confident and outgoing than the next. Not a drop of sharpness, shyness, softness, or any other "ness", lol. But those were extremely well-bred dogs whose parents were chosen for temperament in addition to looks. It seems many doodle breeders, even the good ones, are mainly concerned with appearances: coats, blocky heads, color, and not so concerned with sound temperament. Of course, when you're choosing breeding dogs at 8 weeks of age, it would be hard to know that.

But Murph is who he is, and he's yours. So wondering about the past is counterproductive. We have to figure out what to do in the now.

I don't know much about this, and I'd wait to hear what Ben has to say, but I'm thinking maybe his training needs to focus more on getting him out with crowds, kids, people, new places, not just as distractions but to de-sensitize him. JD's issues were different than Murph's, but he was very undersocialized and fearful, and he did have bad experiences before I got him. Exposure, exposure, and more exposure, new people, places, sounds, etc., is what worked for us, along with lots of repetition and routine.

 I'm sorry I can't give better advice, but I'm sending some great big hugs.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

As always, my friend, your advice and hugs are much appreciated.   You're right that I really need to stay focused on what to do going forward, but I can't help wondering what made Murph this way.

[F, Calla & Luca]

The more I think about this I realize I probably would have snapped at people myself. Too many people, by my count at least 7 adults and 6 kids, and lots of togetherness! Reminds me of a cruise....JK. But seriously, if you want to keep doing this, why not just keep the current immediate family in one house, you and DH, son and two dogs. Then the kids and grand kids  can all have their own place. Sounds much closer to heaven to me.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

You're so right, F.  7 adults, 6 kids, plus my brother and his four "kids" seemed to be around for meals quite often.  It's ridiculous.  We've decided never again....the girls need their own beach house.  Now I just have to tell them...that will really be interesting.