The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

OMD, I LOVE this!  That would certainly have created a "reaction" from the DDs.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

You're right, F.  It's just a picnic table on the porch, and I really didn't care if Guinness got up there to look out while we were on the beach.  I always put the table cloth back on when any of the kids were eating there, so I really don't think there was a "germ issue".  He would never think of getting on any of the furniture in our house.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Carol.  I am pretty much in agreement that this reactiveness is "hard wired" with Murph.  He is such a situational learner that he does fine now in all of our training settings.  The issue is that he can't generalize those learnings to new situations....like the beach.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I have no really good ideas but that was a lot of commotion and lots of people. Is there anywhere you could leave Murph next year so you can continue your family tradition?

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I would have to board Murph, and Guinness would probably have to be with him.  I don't think I'm ready for that, but maybe for just part of the time.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I had the same thought as Ellen - too much all at once.  A trip to the beach house without all the other distractions might help Murph adjust to a different environment.  Or if the beach house is too far, too expensive, unavailable, etc., a few trips to another "unfamiliar" place might help.  Do I remember correctly that you have an RV?  If so, how does he do when he has is own "little house" with him?

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

We don't have an RV....you may be thinking of Nancie. We do try to take the boys to lots of different places for exposure....we may need to do this even more.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Not Nancie  as in Gracie Doodle, but Nancy as in Ned and Clancy! tee hee

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

Jane - I am so sorry about your hard time with the family due to the dog.  I know how that can be stressful because most people don't understand that we consider our dogs part of the family and they can get resentful or irritated to say the least about our devotion with them.  I hear it sometimes myself. I get a lot of grief from my mom that I got a dog when I have 2 boys who aren't raised yet.  She acts like any time or money I spend on Bexter is robbing my kids of my time & money.   I can definitely imagine how badly some of those comments hurt you.  I hope they weren't said in front of the grandkids cuz that could hurt even worse.  You are such a great dog owner; you don't deserve this difficulty!  You are awesome to have rescued Murphy and you are really awesome to work so hard (and spend a "small fortune") on training both of your dogs. I know their behavior and socialization are very important to you.  Is this Murphy's 1st time on the beach?  I am thinking basically what most people are saying here.  It seems he was just overwhelmed and this is how he reacts when overwhelmed.  I would definitely talk with your trainer since he is close to the boys and should hopefully have some insight and maybe some things for you to do to work on this.  Meanwhile, for future trips, I would either plan to arrive before the rest of the family to try to train him while you're there with him (before they get there) OR leave him at home.  I'm sure it would kill you to do that, especially if you have to split the boys up.  That's all I can think of right now though.  Sorry.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thank you, Traci.  I am really hopeful that my trainer will have some thoughts.  I think I'll also talk to the Vet.  I'm wondering about possible medication for these situations....if not for Murph, then for me.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

My take—shoot me if you want.  Don't get me wrong. (Jane, I already know you don't take me wrong as I have all this an more )

I actually have thought a Standard Poodle would definitely be my next dog. I am fascinated by these dogs. That said, nothing is IDEAL in life. 

Standard poodles are not all perfect.  This beautiful breed does not come without certain qualities that are showing up in doodles. Some of these traits, if severe are causing some of us, nightmares.  I am not saying all these are bad.  I love my sensitive Spud.  His close attention to what I say and what I want seems to telepathic.  He is a true thinking dog.  But he can not be brushed—I swear he can not take the touch.  He is hyper but happy.  Needs a lot of attention and exercise, and it goes on.  Starlit can not take noise, strangers, or things not normal in her environment without extreme amount of stress.  This quiet girl will act out in a very bad way.  Here are some things found on the web I often keep in mind. 

I had some great correspondence in email this week where my friend and I talked about our concerns that new members want: The great coat, the cute dog, the right size, without ever thinking of the TEMPERAMENT!   Save us all.  May we find peace with this breed and understand that this is not the perfect dog so many think it is going to be.

 

The Poodle Traits

• Most Standard Poodles make great watchdogs and some even have mild  protective instincts
• Poodles need extensive exposure to people and to unusual sights and sounds. Otherwise their natural caution can become skittishness or suspiciousness, which are difficult to live with.
• Emotional sensitivity. Be honest...is there tension in your home? Are people loud or angry or emotional? Are there arguments or fights? Poodles are extremely sensitive to stress and can end up literally sick to their stomachs, with digestive upsets and neurotic behaviors, if the people in their home are having family problems. Poodles are peaceful, sensitive dogs who need a peaceful, harmonious home
• Standard Poodles also need a lot of daily companionship. They suffer from loneliness and separation anxiety if left alone too much.
• Most Standard Poodles are "soft" and sensitive dogs, sometimes hypersensitive. If you touch them unexpectedly or startle them with a sudden loud sound, they tend to flinch. The most sensitive individuals are not good with small children.

www.???? can't remember where this came from.. sorry.

Development Stages

Maturity

Are you done socializing? NO! Like your training efforts, which continue on into adulthood and throughout your dog’s entire life, you are never done with socialization. He still needs to meet and greet people, go places with you, and continue to share your world and your experiences, if you want him to continue to be the happy, friendly dog he is today.

 

The maturity Stage; 1-4 years. 

Refers to sexual maturity as opposed to being full-grown. Smaller dogs mature earlier, larger dogs later. If these were not resolved earlier, you may now see the things you have missed: object guarding, unfavorable reactions towards unfamiliar people, animals, or things that your dog missed during the socialization stage

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

That said above, you my friend, have gone above and beyond what most owners have.  Don't kick yourself.  Give yourself a BIG COOKIE and join me in a margarita. 

P.S.--My entire family has said the same thing your family said--she has spent a small fortune and this is what she has.  She thinks more of them than us. We can not visit her ( well good, stay away).  ETC.  My son's can not come over and they call my mother to complain. She then scolds me.  It goes on and on.