Wedding goes to the Dogs

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

The Wedding

This weekend F.J. and I were invited to attend a wedding and stay the weekend camping in the great outdoors with the Bride and Groom in an atmosphere of a Grateful Dead Theme ( do they do this still?)  A Jamboree in the hills.  The invitations encouraged attendees to bring a camper or tent and stay for the weekend- long bluegrass music festival. What was described as a being held in a beautiful lake setting turned out to be mounds of dirt dug to form a quarry on 10 acres of land with six trees, no electricity, and no bathrooms.

 

At the last minute the bartenders backed out or maybe were too drunk to serve. Since we are known as one of the only responsible drinkers, and since we really knew no one, we were asked if we could bartend the event at the last minute. We soon learned what was meant by us being the only responsible drinkers of this crowd.  Mind you, neither of us had ever bartended in our lives. 

 

What we originally thought was to be a combination of a Jewish groom (lawyer) and his bride (nurse)  became apparent we were wrong as a huge pig rotated on the spit.  But honestly, shouldn’t that have been our first clue before we decided to help out the mother of the bride and bartend—just the description alone!  A Grateful Dead Wedding held by a young group of professionals.

 

 

I know, wine comes in red and white, and beer is either in a bottle or can, or one of those things over there in a big tub with a handle.  Quickly, I was being yelled at by grown wealthy men demanding I do not give him head.  WTD?  I was horrified and sure I could not take this talk all night.  Oh, you mean no foam on the beer.  Okay, Okay, geesh.

 

We were held responsible for not having enough liquor, not serving fancy drinks, running out of beer, vodka, and worst of all, over 300lbs of ice melted quickly in the 97 degree heat!  The wedding had only taken place an hour before and the sun had not even set.  Dehydrated guests arrived demanding everything alcohol.  That was only the beginning of our day in a plastic tent with no electricity. A terrarium.  We knew right away if we served them strong and fast, this could end a lot quicker and our time would be limited with this gig.  WRONG again.

 

As the evening fell, we turned on 3 tiny battery operated lights that lasted a half hour and tried to serve alcohol in the dark.  Unfortunately, men in suits arrived with an entire fresh supply of vodka, and mixes, with 200lbs more of ice.  “The evening is young”, they all yelled as we looked at our watches at 9pm.  I had to feel around for F. J. hoping I grabbed the right man and not the creeps who kept complaining something about no head.

 

But get this……… the attendees brought their dogs!   Dogs of all sizes, shapes, ages, arrived unsupervised to the wedding.  Dogs, who hated each other, dogs, guarding the water bowls, dogs lifting legs on chairs, barking at arriving guests, dogs zooming between children’s legs and knocking them down, and drunken dog owners who had NO idea they owned dogs as the day wore on and the hot humid temperatures and alcohol intake increased. Dogs swam and zoomed in and out of crowds only to stop on the best of the dressed to shake off the water of the muddied lake all over sundresses and suits.  One dog howled as the vows were being recited.  Ow ooooooooooooo.  It seemed to me, we were in a dog park and someone decided to make it a hippy wedding romp event.

 

I overheard member of the bridal party softy screaming to another about the unattended Goldendoodle puppy who counter-surfed the wedding cake and took a huge bite out of the bottom tier. Someone hurried and cut these pieces away hoping no one had seen the muddy puppy prints and teeth marks.

 

Finally at 11:30 pm one of the bands stopped playing, and we decided to try to escape in the dark for the long travel home.

 

As we slithered and swerved between drunken passed out bodies on the lawn to our escape road out, I looked over and dogs were still awake rummaging through all the dinner trays as they sat atop the picnic tables throwing giant trays of food to the ground.

 

Certainly this was not an event for me, but this bride and groom were extremely happy and their guests were really Drunk.  

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Just reading this gave me a headache and I didn't drink either!!!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Me either!  Not a drop.  But it was so hot and I was so thirsty but the out house was a bit away so I had to weigh my options.

[Heather & Brinkley]

Oh my gosh!  I plan weddings on the side and I've had my fair share of difficult weddings but never have I heard of something like this.  So sorry you got stuck tending bar!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

LOL.  I can use it on my resume now.

[JBAdorableDoodles]

omg Joanne  I hope you can laugh about this soon,,,,,you made me laugh.......how awful  this could have been a movie

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

I thnk I just that movie on Netflix!! LOL! I would have been in that muddy water swimming to escape! What kins of friends DO you have anyway?

[L.M.]

Halfway through reading this I stopped and said to myself, this HAS to be a joke.  I'm horrified for you!  LOL   At the very least, you will always have an AWESOME story to share when you attend another wedding and experience that initial awkward silence at a table full of people you don't really know!  LOL  I might even share your story myself!  =)

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Laughing!  Perfect. Yes, I can share this the next time I am at an awkward table seeking out something to break the silence.

 

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

Haha! That sounds like the wedding from Hell for me! Mine will DEFINITELY not be so "hippy" in May!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Joanne, this sounds like an episode of Art Mann Presents. I guess you weren't bored. Which one of your doodles ate the cake?

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Art Mann?  Must be a Canadian TV show?  Don't know Art Mann.

Oh, and my doodles were home!  I think Spud would have had a blast but Starlit would have had a nervous breakdown!  LOL   F.J. talked about this as we watched the dogs have the time of their lives thinking thank goodness we were not going to wake up to a tent full of SICK DOGS

[Donna K & Quincy]

Not Canadian, just google him, let's just say it is not a family show. It usually involves lots of beer, mud and half naked people.