How to comfort and help dogs when they lose a human parent

[Michelle]

My husband, 44 years old,  just died suddenly in a car crash on November 21, 2011. I haven't been on here too much lately but I was hoping for some advice on what to do or change to help my 2 labradoodles (2yrs old) deal with his death. I am having a very difficult time and my children (11 & 12 yrs old) are being stronger than me, but I worry about the 4 of them very much. The dogs will watch the door, waiting for my husband to come home. I let them smell his clothing and the clothing he passed away in, but I don't if that helps. Any suggestions?? Thank you!!

[Beth and Gang]

Michelle,
Deepest condolences for the tragic loss of your wonderful husband. How sweet and loving you are, to be concerned with your dogs coping with their loss. I wish you peace and comfort and all the blessings that the New Year can bring to your family.
Hugs to all of you.

[Karen and Bridget]

Michelle, I'm so very sorry to hear of your family's tragic loss.  You and your family are in my prayers during this most difficult time.  Be kind to yourself as you take care of your kids and doodles.  Wishing you peace, Karen

[Lorraine Bromley]

I am so sorry for your loss I can't imagine the pain and sorrow you must be experiencing! You have such a great burden with the sudden need to help your children and dogs as well as to try and help yourself. I do hope that you have support in family and friends at this time! Please reach out to a grief support group or family therapist to help you cope at this time, they can be very helpful. 

I imagine the dogs are feeling somewhat the same as you are in looking at the door and they are picking up on that. I kept the blouse my grandma had on too, I needed to smell her so much at the time. I sealed it in a plastic ziplock bag to keep the scent. Now I just need look at it, and I am comforted by knowing that the scent is still there. I had my dog sniff the cat when it died and she seemed to have immediate recognition and went home fine. That is far from what your dogs are going through. They are also missing the routine as they do have such amazing internal clocks! A strong routine will help them but I can't imagine that you are anywhere near having a stable routine at this time.

I hope my words have helped and not been hurtful to you at this time, it is so hard to know what to say to people who have loved and lost, but to say nothing seems worse.

My thoughts are with you and my tears are choking back, I am praying for your family and children right now.

[BG and Gavin]

Michelle, I am so very sorry for your loss.  Please know that your children will amaze you with their strength and resilience and you will amaze  yourself with your own strength.  As others have said, keep the routine as much as possible.  Routine if very comforting to children, adults and dogs alike.  One foot in front of the other.  I am a child and family counsellor so if you would like a further opinion on how to assist your children please feel free to send me a PM.  We are here for you.

Linda

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

Michelle, words cannot express how deeply sorry I am for your loss.   I am at a loss in trying to come up with anything to help thinking of the pain for you and your children.  

I just lost my dad, we were very close, totally different dynamic but I can understand how hard it is to want to remember the good and laugh but its still to new it seems impossible.  I think time is going to be your biggest healer.  It sounds like your husband left you and your children with a lot of great memories and I am sure your dogs are in some form feeling your sadness and loss.  Dogs are not human and I somewhat envy that in a situation like yours.  In time they will get used to the difference.  It sounds like you are really making an effort for both of them and I really commend you for that, how easy it would be to just ignore them in your own pain.  You are a remarkable woman as well.  You will be in my prayers.

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Michelle-I am so sorry for your loss and what your family is going through. I think it was a great idea to have is scent for the dogs , but like someone else said-maybe if tapers off it would be easier on them because they won't have the urgency of him coming home. It will take time and love and distraction for them to be better. You and your family are in our thoughts. Just remember that you have eachother, you also have wonderful memories. Oh-and you always have DK. I hope time will heal.

[cheryl & oliver]

MIchelle, I am so sorry for your terrible loss....I do agree with the others that the dogs will be ok, you need to take care of your children and yourself first.  I know that there are special groups for both adults and children that lose a loved one.  Maybe one of those groups might be able to help the kids with their feelings.  I believe they are groups made up of children that are going thru similar things.  I believe either your local church or such can direct you to one of these groups, or even a local hospital can recommend a name or place to find out about to help you and the boys....Again so very sorry for your loss....I will say a prayer for all of you.  Hugs to you and the boys, and the dogs too...

[Sally, Ditzy Mitzi & Sgt. Pepper]

Please accept our sincere condolences.  I am also unable to give any suggestions, but hopefully time will help.

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

I am at a loss for words,  sending hugs and prayers your way!

 

I attached an article from Cesar's website.  I hope it helps...

http://www.cesarsway.com/training/socialization/A-Dog-In-Mourning-H...

[Sharon & Monty]

OMD, I'm sorry sorry to hear this news.  I'm very sorry for your family's loss.  I  am really at a loss for words. You take care of those babies and the rest will follow.  I knew a doggie that took to laying on his masters bed all the time when he was used to being at large running around and so forth.  I think you take care of your humans first, when everyone starts to take roots, your doggers will too.  I'm so very sorry for your loss.  You take care.  Come to DK  when you think we can help, we are ALWAYS HERE.   Give your kids a big hug from me and Monty.

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Michelle, I don't have any suggestions, but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear about what you have been going through. 

[Michelle]

http://www.wtnh.com/dpp/news/fairfield_cty/one-killed-in-crash-on-m...

 

I want to thank you all for your condolences and/or advice. I am in tears reading all the heartfelt sentiments and the outpour of kind words, thoughts and prayers. DK is really a special community and I cannot put into words the appreciation I feel to all of you. My heart still breaks everyday, but my focus is on my children and dogs, because without them I would not be here either. My husband was by my side for 18 years, he helped me through the deaths of my father, my grandparents and 2 of my best friends, he gave me strength and courage to face each day. Now I look at my children and doodles and pray everyday for that same strength to pass on to them. They are my life.

Thank you from all of us,

Michelle, Kyla, Kevin Jr, Cooper & Duncan