Hard First Few Days

[Lindsay]

Hello,

My husband and I found Marley on a shelter's website.  He is 8 months old, and an owner give up. They said he was mischevious and mouthy, and he'd also recently had stomach surgery to remove a sock - I guess he'd gotten into trouble at their home and they could no longer keep him.

He's a good dog, very sweet.  He is doing some biting, but mostly during play and when frustrated.  He's learning quickly not to do this.  We enrolled him in puppy obedience class and he's learning quickly.  He loves to cuddle on the couch with us or lay as close as possible at our feet.

It's still our first week with him and we are filled with doubt.  I guess we didn't realize what a commitment he would be!  It is definitely an adjustment to our lives.  We don't have kids, so this is our first baby. :)

Last night was the first night he slept thru the night in his crate - we covered it with a sheet and that seemed to help him.  We also use white noise machines.  The crate is in our bedroom with us.  He has not had any accidents in his crate. A few in the house, but only during his first 2 days getting used to our place.  We are just exhausted from lack of sleep - even if he's quiet at night, I seem to be awake worrying that he'll hear one of us turn over and start barking his head off like he did the first few nights.  We don't even talk to each other in bed anymore - anyone else go through these things?  He has to be coaxed into his crate with treats - does not think of it as his home/den, even though he's been in it each night so far.

We struggle because we both work full time, away from the house.  I'm 45 minutes to 1 hour away, and my husband is 20 to 25 minutes away.  We are taking him to daycare this week until we can get a gate to put up - our plan is to keep him in the kitchen while we are gone.

Does anyone else work full time?  We can't afford to keep up with daycare costs or petsitters/walkers.  We don't have any friends or family nearby who are home to help.  It's just us!  Does anyone keep them at home alone, gated 5 days a week? We are just wondering if this is good for him. We live in a townhouse, so no fenced in yard, etc.

We are feeling housebound these last few days, and are wondering how to have the strength to leave him home alone all day while we are gone.  He's got the separation anxiety typical of the breed, even if we just step out of the room.  For his first 3.5 days, we were home with him 24/7.  And the strength to leave him and enjoy some 'human minutes' like going to a movie or out to dinner.  Just feeling overwhelmed and would welcome any thoughts/suggestions!

[Jen, Lachlan, and Declan]

All I can offer is "hang in there", Lindsay. The first week or so is definitely the hardest. You're getting used to him and he's getting used to you. I'm on the third week with Declan, and the first week I wondered what the heck I was thinking. Now it's routine.That first week he fussed at night and messed his crate several times (night-time crates are in the bedroom) and I was absolutely wrecked from lack of sleep. Then it seemed to click and suddenly he's sleeping through the night. I also use a white-noise machine but that's because I'm a life-long insomniac and will wake to any sound at all.

I'm fortunate in finding a fairly inexpensive sitter (fifteen bucks a day for two visits) for the days I can't make it home, but my boys are crated while I'm at work. If they weren't so destructive (ages 4 months and 1 year, I call them collectively The Wrecking Crew) I'd leave them in the kitchen and be very comfortable with that.

My boys aren't a fan of the crates either and I use treats every time I crate 'em. Lachlan's become very comfortable with his, even though he pulls the "I'm abused routine" every day, and Declan's getting there rapidly.

I guess my only advice is - yeah, it's a HUGE adjustment, but it WILL get better faster than you know. It won't be long before you can't remember how difficult that first week was because you'll all fall into a routine and become comfortable with one another. Right now he's in puberty and that makes it even more challenging (remember being 14? I try not to!) but that passes quickly with adolescent dogs (faster than WE did, thank heavens!) and a glass of wine and a sense of humor will get you through these first weeks.

[Lindsay]

Jen, thank you for the kind reply!  I'm glad to know we are not the only ones suffering from lack of sleep!  I think it makes its it so hard.  He's adorable, and I know he's still adjusting too.  We just hope we are doing the right things for him!  I know, darn teenage years!!  Here's hoping for continued improvement and more bonding for all of us.  I think Marley has done pretty well so far, giving us love and accepting our love.  I know we are all adjusting to each other and it's just nice to have a place to know these emotions are normal.  Hopefully Marley thinks we are doing good too - I wish he could talk to us, wouldn't that just make it easier? :)

[Jen, Lachlan, and Declan]

Lindsay, I've gotta say I'm so glad my boys can't talk to me! I can just hear it: "Hey lady, this door isn't opening itself, you know! Whaddya mean, I can't eat that?! Ooooooh, CAT! I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored. MOOOOOOOOMMMMM he took my bully stick!"

It sounds like you guys are perfectly normal and right on track for a wonderful relationship with this fur-face. Laurie said that it won't be long before you wonder how you ever lived without him - she's absolutely right!

If it makes you feel any better, I had a complete meltdown after getting Declan home, even though Iknewthat it was the right thing to do and it would get better. I hauled him into the house, washed the vomit and feces out of his coat, put Lachlan on his leash so he could come out and meet the new guy without pile-driving the poor pup into the ground in his enthusiasm ... and then sat there staring at him and crying for like 10 minutes. All I could think was "OMD, how am I gonna do this? I can't do this!"

(And then I poured a rather large glass of wine and jumped into the DK live chat, where several wonderful people talked me into breathing again ... thank you, wonderful people, you know who you are!)

[Camilla and Darwin]

Hang in there! DH and I both worked part time and went to school part time and we were SO overwhelmed when we first got Darwin. So I can see how both of you being full time would seem impossible. Before getting Darwin I spent so much time researching dog ownership, breeds, training, etc. that I thought I would be prepared. I was wrong! I spent the first 3 weeks wondering if I made a mistake, and wishing for more sleep. It's a big adjustment!

I think you are doing some really great things by enrolling him obedience, doing daycare, etc. As far as leaving him, my advice is to slowly work up to the time. Do it for a couple of hours at first, then 4, etc. Leave toys, treats, perhaps a tv on. And definitely restrict his movements. I personally would leave him in his crate, that is what we do with Darwin and it works very well for us. His crate is really large and he can stretch out and stand up in it. He has grown to love it, and it makes me feel so much better knowing that he isn't getting into anything dangerous while we are gone.

It will get easier!

[Lindsay]

Thanks so much!  It really helps knowing that someone else has been there!

[shelly]

Oh, Lindsay!  We have (almost) ALL gone through this!  It is DEFINITELY a big adjustment.  I don't know how big your house is, but perhaps look into an ex-pen instead of giving him the entire kitchen - it is like a huge playpenned area.This way he can't chew on molding, cabinets, counter surf.... Get a kong and you can put frozen treats (search for ideas for them - they are here on this site) inside that will help to keep him busy... I wouldn't leave him with anything else right now - especially that he is a 'sock eater'...we have all been THERE too with one thing or another!  LOL

Enrolling him in classes is great too!  Try and give him a nice long, rigorous play session before you go to work and really tire him out so maybe he will sleep for a while while you are gone.  What I have found is that these dogs are truly adjustable and will soon - in time- adjust their lifestyle to yours - eating, even potty breaks in the morning.  Tori will even sleep longer on weekends as we do.

HANG IN THERE!  It will get better! and you too will wake less in time!  Good luck!

[Adina P]

Sleep? Who needs sleep.  I haven't slept a full night in nearly 5 months.  Ok, okay, that's due to a 5 month old human baby so not the same, but rest assured that puppies do NOT keep you up all night for that long =) 

A few years ago, while I was pregnant with my first child and had three dogs of my own, I offered to dogsit a friend's 6 month old labradoodle pup.  Well this pup, although it was crate trained, howled/whined/yipped/barked nearly the ENTIRE NIGHT LONG in our room.  I was in tears halfway through the night and SUPER nervous when bedtime came the next day.  Full of anxiety about what the night would be like.

So I totally get how you feel and with a full time job...it is unimaginably draining.  The good news is that you said he did fine recently.  So I think he will probably continue to do fine.  I understand, totally, though, how you can feel like you're walking on eggshells afraid the smallest sound from you will get him all riled up.  But don't do that to yourself.  He will adjust just fine.  The dog we dog sat...all it turned out he needed was a night light to SEE us better (we guess).  And your dog will likely adjust beautifully to sleeping at night (instead of crying or barking) by the end of this week.  Don't walk on egg shells.  Talk to your hubby and be normal because THAT is what he has to get used to.

In the meantime, if you are enrolled in a quality obedience class a lot of the work you do with him to train him will deepen that bond of trust and respect (mutual) between the two of you and a lot of the little issues you see now will likely go away or you'll earn ways to control them.

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Doodles are a very social breed and high energy so they like to be included and be active. How many hours are you leaving him? Honestly you will need daycare or a dog walker if you need to leave him for extended periods of time. Things will get better as you figure out a schedule but IMO not fair to expect him to thrive alone for extended periods of time just based on the breed characteristics.

[Ashley, Ronnie and Ruby]

 

Oh yeah, this sounds just like us. We got Ruby the week after we got married. Coming down from the business we thought it was a great time. Well let me tell you, I was very overwhelmed. I remember a lot of tears and frustration...and that was just from me! We put Ruby in obedience classes and this helped. She began to like her crate and became house trained. I know that going through it you feel like it will last forever but believe me, one day you will think, hmmm did he just have a good night? This will turn to more and more. It will pass. You need to think of his point of view too. He does not want to be alone because his last family left him. There is some trust issues and separation anxiety that needs to be worked through. A good trainer can also help you with that.

As for working...my husband and I work full time. For the first six months, we would have a dog walker come to our home. She would walk her for the hour and it was worth the money. Ruby is crated when we are not home still. My husband's work days are no longer too long so we do no need the walker but I do not regret her at all. I did not buy as many lunches out or coffees and we didn't even notice the extra expense. Try to take it day by day and be excited by the small victories.

And just so you know, before long, you will develop such a strong connection to Marley that you do not dwell on the 'imperfections'. Eventually you will look back on these days and think 'glad those are over'.

[Lindsay]

Thanks so much for the support - I've certainly had my share of tears!!  I know we're adjusting to each other.  Thanks again - I appreciate it.

[Katie & Charlie]

Lindsay, I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I just want you to know you're not alone!  Our little guy is 13-14 weeks old (I've lost track) and for the first few nights, we did the exact same thing!  We went to bed early and didn't even talk and tried not to move for fear of waking him up once he had settled.  Then a few nights later, he started crying and just wouldn't stop.  I gave in and let him sleep with us for the next few nights.  That was almost as bad because I lost a lot of sleep worrying every time he moved that he was about to pee in the bed.  Once I started going back to work he HAD to be in his crate and we weren't around to hear the protests.  He actually did really well in his crate those first days I was back at work --- didn't shred the blanket, no accidents, and was very calm and collected once we got home.  We decided to try the crate again at night and he has been doing great in there ever since.  It's SLOWLY gotten to the point that we can put him in and watch a little TV, talk, etc and he doesn't budge.  We have two small children and if we have to get up to comfort someone from a nightmare, Charlie just looks at us -- no crying. 

Our Charlie is a chewer.... EVERYTHING goes in his mouth as soon as it hits the floor.  It has been a real challenge getting the kids to keep their toys out of the living area where he is most of the time.  I can tell you I certainly started to suffer from a little "buyer's remorse" after the first week or so.  I even had a bit of a meltdown the other night when the stress caught up with me.  My husband works full time and I am away at work Mon-Thurs for 7 hours.  Are you planning to let him have the run of the house once he is fully trained?  If so, then this is just a temporary thing... having him penned up for long days.  Chances are, if you keep up with the training, show him who's boss, etc... it WILL get better and you'll wind up with a long-time companion who will love you unconditionally.  :)  Best of luck to you!

[Lindsay]

Yep, I've had meltdowns too.  I'm glad I'm not the only one, it only made me feel more horrible that I was so upset, knowing that he's stressing too about becoming a part of our family.  We let him sleep with us one night early on and quickly realized too that it was a big mistake!  We slept even less, worrying about peeing in the bed and he's just a little wiggler, always moving around.  The last 2 nights crated have shown a lot of improvement!