Fudge and Vern - The Human Whisperers!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

Fudge and Vern have long felt DoodleKisses is a little one sided in the training department.  There is no group for dogs on here for tips and techniques how to best train your humans. Sometimes, they feel like a cute nose and funny antics are not getting the job done and they would like to ask some of the other dogs what are some of their best strategies for getting your human to behave the way you want them to behave.   They would like to share some of their tips, as they feel they are qualified to be called, “The Human Whisperers.”

 

Fudge & Vern Speak: 

 

Tip #1 – Playing Fetch

 

We have figured out that if we take our tennis ball and push it under the gate, our human has to run the whole length of our driveway (which is downhill) and sometimes, out into the street to get that ball back.  It never fails to work and she always brings the ball back to one of us.  We figure it is up to us to decide when the game is over, just like they taught us in human training class, so we always do it again.  We have noticed that after a couple of runs up and down our driveway, she gets tired, and our human stops asking to play ball.  After all, no one wants a human who is obsessive about tennis balls. 

 

 

Tip #2 - Velcro Humans

 

This is a tough one, because nobody wants to end up with a human that you can’t leave alone or has to be with you every minute of the day.  Our humans have outgrown their crates, so what we try and do is wander off throughout the day and find a hiding spot for some me time.  Humans have to learn to entertain themselves.  Sometimes, Vern and I try to give them something to do to keep them occupied  while we are busy doing our own things.  Vern, especially, is great at hiding pieces of his kibble all throughout the house, or leaving parts of a stuffed toy around, or dropping interesting things like dirt, sticks, twigs, bones, and leaves everywhere in the house, so our human mom can find them and pick them up and put it all back where it belongs.  It seems like this interactive game only works with female humans, though, because our male human never notices any of the goodies lying about or picks any of them up.  Anyway, it is a great game for our human mom, and seems to keep her busy for quite some time and eliminates human boredom. We call the game Treasure Hunt.   We also try and leave the TV on for her when we leave, as that seems to make her feel like she has some company.

 

Tip #3 – Walking on a Leash

 

Vern has to get full credit for continuing to help our humans with this command.  First of all, our humans walk slower than we do and it seems like the human who is walking Vern is always pulling on the leash.  They pull and pop and then Vern has to issue them a correction.  Usually the correction is a pop on the leash in the form of a spurt of energy.  Sometimes, if we see a squirrel we both pop that leash to try and get our humans to move faster.  It isn’t that we don’t like walking by our mom in a heel, but we already know what she smells like and we like to smell other stuff. Our favorite walk is when she lets us smell everything.  Our mom is also inconsistent. She doesn’t like us to pull, but the other day when we had to walk up a big hill, she told us to start pulling if we wanted to reach the top of the hill before bedtime.

 

Tip #4 – How to Get Your Human to Go For A Walk

 

We have our humans on a very good schedule.  We don’t like to deviate because we feel it is better to be consistent.  Usually, we go on one morning walk and a late afternoon walk.  In the morning, when we feel we are running late for our walk, we like to remind our human mom by shadowing her, blocking her path, and seeing what she is doing at all times. We try and remind her frequently until she finally says, “oh, you are waiting for your walk, right?” and then we look at each other and go, “duh.”  Our human dad is a little trickier because he is not as observant as mom. Sometimes, when mom leaves us alone with him at night, she will come home and ask him if we got our walk.  Mostly, this happens when we start wrestling and running around in the house. 

Dad always says the same thing, “no walk, but I played with them outside.”  Mom, is smart, though, and knows that when he says playing, mostly it means he sat outside with us and played with his phone while Vern and I tried to eat sticks.  So, mom will say, “I have told you a million times that Fudge and Vern need walked every night or we are going to be watching our own live version of the WWE half the night.”  Dad always looks right at us and says under his breath, “I’ll show you two a long walk off a short pier, for getting me in trouble again,” but usually, he doesn’t forget our walk again for a couple of weeks.

 

Tip #5 – How to Get Your Humans to Stop Talking About Better Training

 

We walk all the time with our neighbor and we love her.  The other day, she started telling our mom about her daughter’s dog, Panda.  She said she could not get over how good Panda was last time she came to her house.  We went on high alert and looked over at each other and mouthed, “Uh oh.”  She said Panda sits in place until she is released and even walks off leash all the time.  Personally, we thought Panda sounded like a big bonehead and a brown noser, but our mom said, “What is the name of the trainer your daughter used?”  Before our neighbor could answer, we started kissing her all over and she said, “I love you guys so much!” and we kept up the kissing until she forget about the question.  That was a close one.

 

Tip #6 – How to Get on Furniture

 

We have had lots of people tell us that our humans never let any other dog on the furniture.  Our grandma says it every time she shows up and sits in Vern’s chair.  Our human parents got a new leather couch this year and I heard mom tell dad that no dogs are allowed on it EVER.  Well, we were fine with that, but we noticed if we sat really close to our human mom and put our paw in her lap, it wasn’t long until she started putting a blanket on the couch and inviting us up to snuggle. We are good snugglers and pretty soon, our human dad said, “hey, I thought you said no dogs were allowed on the couch because they could ruin the leather?” and my mom said, “well if they do, then I guess we get another couch.”  After that, we heard our dad talking about something called retirement and how he hoped someday to go there or something.

 

Tip #7 – Getting Treats

 

For this assignment, you have to pinpoint which of your humans is the WL (Weakest Link).  In our case, it is our human mom.  We call this tip, “Our Divide Them and Conquer Them,” tip. Every night, when she goes to the bedroom to watch TV or get on the computer, we usually go with her and go to bed, too, for a while.  Vern always gets hungry around 10 pm and then here is how we do our training to get some treats. I call Vern “The Enforcer”, because night after night he gets the job done.  Vern either stands up in bed or if he is not on the bed, comes around to my mom’s side of the bed and stares. It looks like this.  My mom hates when Vern does this and will say, “Go tell Daddy what you want.” Vern sometimes goes, but mostly he does this:

Then mom says, “Vern, you are not getting a treat!” and Vern does this: 

Mom gets louder sometimes and says again, “Vern, please stop staring! It is bedtime. No treats.”  Vern continues to do this: 

and sometimes it looks like this:

Finally, our human mom starts yelling, “can someone close to the treat jar get Vern a treat, before Vern drives me insane?” and then our dad gets up from the living room chair and says, “Vern, you are a pain in my behind,” but by then, Vern is sitting politely in front of the treat jar. Sometimes, mom gets up and gets the treat herself and then says to our dad, “didn’t you hear me yelling?” and our dad always says back, “I heard some loud and obnoxious sound, but I thought it was the neighbor running his wood splitter.”  After he says something like that, our Mom usually makes a face:

The good thing is, I run right behind Vern and get a treat, too, without anyone being mad at me.

 

Ok, those are some of our best tips. We are working on a few more tricks….How to avoid the groomer's and how to get our people to give us human food.  We also are trying to figure out a way to keep her off DK, because those people know too much stuff that thwarts our best efforts at human training. Even dad says, “When I blew out my candles on my last birthday, someone got my wish screwed up. I wished for a Stepford wife, not a Doodleford wife.” 

So, tell us your tips to get your humans to do what you want them to do.

 

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

Hey F&V, this is Monty. I think you've got your humans trained pretty well. I've got a couple of training tips myself.

I totally get the Weakest Link theory. In my house, it's also my human mom (but the dad is not far behind if he is not glued to the TV and blocking out not only what I say but also what my human mam is trying to tell him).  She would be cooking in the kitchen and would walk back and forth between the stove and the pantry, where my treats are. So if the pantry door is open, you just have to park yourself right there, stare at your treats, and eventually mom will break down and get me something. You just have to be patient. It's okay if you snooze. The main thing is to be IN HER WAY.

Here is a proof that human dads are trainable as well: my dad leaves for work at 6:30am and he always tries to take me out to do my business so that I can then sleep in with my mom after he leaves. So he is running around downstairs getting ready while I lay in my bed in the upstairs bedroom pretending to be asleep in my bed.

When dad is ready for me to come down and go pee-pee, he calls my name....and I don't move. Then I would hear him open a jar with treats. I still don't move. He would call my name and throw a treat up the stairs and the treat would land right in front of my bedroom door. Now, at that move, I used to come running to get the treat and then eventually downstairs. But I've perfected my training technique. The treat lands upstairs, I don't move. Since dad is in a hurry to go to work, he will break down and come upstairs with the treats in his hand. I still don't move. After he puts the treat down by my nose, THEN I slowly roll over to my side and eat the treat. Then we would walk over to the stairs, I would let him keep dropping the treats on the stairs, still lower and lower, until we are all the way down. Only THEN I'm willing to go outside and do my business while he is nervously looking at his watch mumbling something about some crazy dog. Once I'm done, I demand more treats before I abandon him in the kitchen and rush upstairs to jump on the human bed to make sure mom is still there.

So yeah, humans are definitely pretty easy to train. After all, with all their strange behaviors, we can't let them go about their days without a strict supervision, can we?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Monty, We think you are a genius. You get treats in the morning...we never thought of that one. Our dad isn't going to like this one. LOL Love, Fudge and Vern  P.S. Good idea about blocking the pantry, too.

[Pat and Traveler]

Monty, you are a true training star!  Love the photos of you, dood.  I need more self control when it comes to treats, gotta be tough and steady, like you.

High paws,

Traveler

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Gotta love that sleeping position....LOL!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Really Monty. We admire your technique but we just don't have such determination. L and C

[Bonnie and Kona]

Monty, You have taken parent training to a whole new level with that morning treat trick! We don't get treats unless we are being formally trained or groomed. bummer. No treats for "doing our business" at this house.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Monty, you are one smart doodle. We're going to have to try this one out sometime. Unfortunately our mom seems reluctant to give out any treats at all these days so we've got a lot of work ahead of us.

[BG and Gavin]

The number one thing that all dogs have to remember is that their humans need exercise in order to be balanced and happy.  I know it is not good for my parents to sit on the couch and tap on the computer in the evening or talk for extended periods of time on the phone with the cord, so I have a couple of games to get them up and moving and keep their minds active.

Game one:  Hallway fetch.  This game happens when my mom is curled up on the couch with the computer in her lap.  She throws a ball to me to keep me busy while she is on DK.  But, knowing that she needs her exercise, when I bring to ball back to her, I leave it just out of reach so she has to get off of the couch in order to throw it again.  I then repeat this process leaving the ball progressively further away.

Game two:  Ring the bells.  This game is played when my mom is on the corded phone in the kitchen.  I wait until she is in the middle of an important conversation (a work related one is the best) and then I ring the bells at the back door signalling that I need to go outside to relieve myself.  She cannot take the chance that I am faking so has to make a lame excuse to the person on the other end of the phone to hold on for a minute and let me out.  Sometimes she gambles by signaling me to come to her.  In those instances I find a squeeky toy and stand beside her squeeking it loudly until she puts the phone down and puts me outside to keep some peace.

I hope you find these tips useful in training your human.

Yours truly, Gavin

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Gavin, Fudge wants you to know she does the ball trick outside and always drops the ball just out of reach. She loves to make her humans get up, too. We don't have bells, but we might have to get some, because that sounds like a fun game to try on our mom.  FYI: do not tell your mom about cordless phones. Love, Vern

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh yea, the "I have to go potty fake out"....a favorite of ours.  It's so fun in this weather when the humans have to put on lots of clothes and boots and stuff.  Guinness and I love to watch DD run around trying to get all these clothes on while we "ring and pace" at the door.  A Dood gets bored in Winter and we have to take our fun where we can get it, right.  Good one, Gav!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Great job Gavin. Your techniques are awesome!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Dear F and V, 

I am working so hard to get permission to get on the couch. Kona was never allowed on the couch until I came along and bugged him so much that my DM let him up on the couch to get away from my puppy attacks. (He's such a softie he never corrects my bad behavior himself.) Well, now he can get up there any time he wants by just looking at DM. I am not allowed on the couch at all, ever. DM tells DD that it is because I am so dominant and she doesn't want me to think I'm equal to anyone in the family. Paaah! The method I've been using lately to get permission to get on the couch is to sit next to DM, slide my head onto her lap and then very, very slowly slide my shoulder up onto the couch next to her, then the first paw. Well, she isn't falling for it. I am as limber as a noodle and can contort into the strangest positions to look like I'm sitting on the floor all the while maneuvering onto the couch, but she still catches me in the act. Any advice on a better method? 

BTW Kona gives DM that exact same look Vern gives your DM when it gets close to 5:00 and he thinks it's time for dinner. She cannot resist that face. hahaha

love, Owen