Ignoring Fearful Dogs? Think Again

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Cleaning out computer files I ran across this article I found last year during the dreaded July fireworks.  I loved what the author wrote and it made more sense to me than ignoring the dogs.  Sure, there are different methods but here is another perspective I think we all need to read.  This one, for some reason, makes more sense to me. Thoughts.

Fast food thinking about dogs

Posted July 8, 2011
Filed under: Helping fearful dogs | Tags: dog training scared timid shy fearful rehabilitation counter condit..., reinforcing fear
Comments (15)

Tis the season for bad advice. It seems no matter where I turn-blog posts, website, forums, chats- someone is putting ‘don’t comfort your dog when they are scared’ messages out. The last I read, provided by someone who by choice or certification, is identified as a ‘behaviorist’, was a list of tips for dealing with fireworks and storm phobias included; no cooing or baby talk because it will only be telling the dog that they are right to be afraid. Really? Where I come from the way we let someone know that they are right to be afraid is to shriek, “LOOK OUT IT’S GOING TO KILL YOU!”

I suppose if we’ve paired cooing and baby talk with enough negative experiences then it might reaffirm a dog’s concern. I imagine the scene from a bad crime drama in which the killer calmly looks at his victim, knife glinting in his hands and says, “Don’t be afraid, it won’t hurt…..for long.” Hopefully we have not done this, and instead our cooing and baby talk has been used to get a tail wag and to let our dogs know who is “the cutest, fluffiest, most handsomest, doggie on the planet.”

And let’s face it, if you’re really terrified no amount of, ‘don’t worry darling it’s going to be alright’, is likely to help. Often we seem to be either unaware, or unwilling to acknowledge how scared our dogs are. So why, if comforting a dog may not help do I get my knickers in twist when someone advises against it? Because sometimes comforting helps, because if you believe that being kind and gentle with a scared dog is going to reinforce their fear you might take that line of thought, as many do, and assume that making a dog deal, on their own, with what scares them, is the thing to do. And it is not. But more importantly it’s because it’s wrong. And it doesn’t take much deep thinking to see why that is.

It would appear that when it comes to dogs we have adopted a ‘fast food’ way of thinking. All it takes is for someone to assert that; dogs need leaders, that they live in the moment (This one tickles me particularly because it implies that every moment in a dog’s life their brain is a clean slate, that what they experienced yesterday had no effect on them in which case I wonder-how do they remember their name?), that they will try to dominate their owners if given the chance, that their noses should be rubbed in their poop, that a smack with a rolled-up newspaper is an appropriate thing to do-for whatever reason, that every single dog on the planet must be spayed or neutered, that breed is destiny, and you shouldn’t comfort scared creatures.

The next time you read something about dogs and how to handle or train them, after you’ve bitten through the crunchy sugar coating, take some time to mull the information over. You may find that that first bite leaves you with a toothache

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Like with most things, for me it's all about balance.  I think there's room for making your dog as comfortable as you possibly can while helping them to work through their fears.  I wouldn't be a fan of just ignoring the dog when they're in a fearful state, but I also would not overly sympathize and potentially nurture the fear.  Murph used to be afraid of the piano.  We worked with him...playing one note and treating, then two, and more and more until he could tolerate it....he'll never be a huge fan but now he doesn't "freak out".  Just giving him sympathy or just ignoring him wouldn't have helped....we needed to work through it together.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Love the piano, Jane.

I just find that ignoring works to a point but loving arms work also.  I struggled with this one for so long.

Even when my sons were young people told me to just throw them in a dark room and let them cry. No!

I took them to bed with me and we cuddled the night away.  Everyone was peaceful and restful in the morning.  Eventually, they did go to their own room.  But a warm arm, a tender touch, and someone around really does make for a better situation.  I think the same for dogs.  Don't feed the fear but also don't ignore.  Find some comfort in each other. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Joanne, I found this article very interesting. With our old Lab, who we got when she was a puppy, we didn't know anything about dogs dominating their owners, alpha dogs, not comforting scared dogs, dogs live in the moment. etc.  We just winged it with her and she was a great dog. When I had kids, I never read one parenting book and just tried to use love, common sense, humor, and trial and error to see what worked. I will never be a dominating dog owner/parent...was never a good disciplinarian, mainly because they always made me laugh...but I feel like my DH and I did a good job and I feel the same way about my dogs. I try not to baby Vern's fears, but on the other hand, I feel like a touch of our hand goes a long way in helping him see, like Jane said, that we are in this together. Sometimes, there are just things that scare us (snakes for me) and no amount of comforting and "it's ok," is ever going to make me think it is going to be ok. I love hugging my dogs and do it a lot and I really don't care if I am not supposed to do it when one of them is nervous or worried.

[Ginny Nightingale]

Very interesting read and certainly goes against what I have heard from my trainer and what I have been telling new puppy owners! I will give it some thought and will maintain the balance that Jane speaks of. 

[BG and Gavin]

I find it interesting that the whole concept of the "thunder shirt" is a "swaddling" approach designed to comfort and calm the dog during an unpleasant experience.  I would be inclined to use less words and more massage/physical contact to promote relaxation during a storm.  Intuitively it seems to fit.  Jane's approach to desensitization also makes sense to me.  p.s. Jane, are you sure it is not just your piano playing that Murph objects to??  JK!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

When I was first dealing with Jack's fear issues, I was also told not to say "it's okay" or try to comfort him; but I wasn't told to ignore him or be callous about it, either. I was told to speak to him in an upbeat, positive tone of voice with lots of "good boy!"s, and to direct his attention to me rather than the scary statue over there. It did work.

So I agree with Jane, it's about balance. I disagree with the "suck it up, it's just a statue, ignore it and get your ass moving" mentality, but I also don't think "oh, poor widdle doggy, is that nasty statue scaring you, mommy will save you" is very helpful, either. For one thing, if JD doesn't want to move, you ain't moving him, not with sympathy and not by ignoring the fear. Can't get over it, can't get under it, can't get around it, gotta work through it. With Jack, that means, help him to feel confident. It was that or stand in the street for the rest of our lives, lol.

[Denise, Winnie, and AngelAbby]

I agree with what most of you are saying. Our Abby is a big fraidy cat to loud noises like garbage trucks and such. All I try to do is get her to forget about it... distract her somehow with playing with her, or talking to her in an upbeat kind of way and before I know it, she is over it. It may happen again the next time the garbage truck is in the area but every time her bad reaction to it seems to be less. Ignoring what is scaring her and going on with interacting with her is the best way to handle our girl. She loves being our with DH when he is doing firewood but is afraid of the chain saw. When he is running that, she comes and sits up on the deck until he is done and shuts it off and then she's right back at his side again. Sometimes you just have to let them be who they are.

[Sharon & Monty]

My old lab and golden did not have fearful issues.  If for example, it was raining or thundering we sat out on the back porch acting like nothing going on here.  If they did get jumpy, a couple good pats and petting and telling them it was all good seemed to work for my dogs.  However one year we went on a weeks vacation and MIL stayed to take care of our dog.  There were several noisy thunderstorms that week of which she is terrified of.  She would take the dog to the basement and wait for the storm to be over.  From that day on, any loud noises sent my dog to the basement and no matter what I did to calm her she would always run away and hide. :(    However, I do think it natural that a dog may want to be in the "den" for storms, so we tried not to worry about for long.  She didn't cry or bark, but just wanted to go downstairs.  

As for ignoring or not comforting your dog when they are scared?  Are you kidding me?  Like you Joanne, letting your child cry it out never flew with me either!  I surely won't let my dog cry it out without me trying to comfort him. 

[Carol and Banjo]

I would not ignore a fearful dog any more than I'd ignore a fearful child or adult for that matter.   Staying calm and letting the dog, child, person know that you are there and  in control of whatever the situation is seems to me about the best you can do.   

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Sounds good to me!

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

I tend to trend on the nurture side as that has worked in most situations, however I have had recent very odd situations with Rosey that I am ready to call in a psychic..

[F, Calla & Luca]

I feel better all ready. My dogs are not really fearful but sometimes something will startle or scare them. I do tell them whatever it is is all right and even try to explain it : ) So maybe that's OK and even if it isn't it's OK for me : ) Thanks, Joanne.