"But He Listens to You!"

[Theresa & Duncan]

So the hubby and I got into it a little bit tonight over Duncan. We got some advice from a Doodle-owning friend. It's second hand since she is working with a trainer, but it all made sense to me. So we tried a few of these techniques on out pup when he starting getting unmanageable (barking, nipping, latching on to my leg, etc.). And they seemed to help, but I feel as though any time our attempts at training don't produce an immediate result (or when Duncan is particularly rowdy) my husband immediately let's off an air of frustration and impatience that is enough to make me tense. So tonight I confronted him about it - we BOTH wanted a puppy, we BOTH went into it knowing there would be trying moments, and we BOTH agreed that we would do whatever it took to have a well-trained, well-behaved dog. Now that we have Duncan however, he's throwing his hands up at the drop of a hat. I certainly don’t love it when he’s nipping my toes or having an accident, but I can also brush it off and feel confident that this is normal puppy behavior that will pass. His response - "But he listens to you!" He thinks that even while Duncan is being bad I can still get his attention better than he (my husband) can.

Have any of you run into this, where someone in the family feels they get less respect from the dog? If so, are there things we can do to make sure we get him to listen to both of us? We both take turns feeding him, playing with him, walking with him and cleaning up after him.

[Angel Schilling-Putnam]

This response is from a novice who has the luck of having an exceptionally well adjusted dog. I believe that Duncan is simply behaving in a manner of respecting that you are the Alpha male. I hope it doesn't bother your hubby but I think Duncan has equated what the hierarchy is. He will still respect Hubby but just instinctually figures that you are the head honcho. I do believe that EVERY family goes through this situation in some fashion:-) it would be abnormal for you not to have some disagreement over puppy parenting. Hang in there, it truly gets easier over time. Just maintain the same training principals. Duncan sounds like a wonderful puppy!

[Lindsey & Cocoa]

I too have hubby issues with the dog... but she listens to him more then me.

But my issues are he wanted her just as I did and he wont help me with chores for her.  I feed her, I always have to let her out (even though i am 9 months pregnant) while he just sits on the couch all night, I play with her to get energy out etc.

I am more frustrated with the hubby than the dog at this point..lol

Good luck and I hope he comes around.

[shelly]

Been there... done that!  EXCEPT.. in my case, Me and the kids wanted the dog MORE than hubby... he wanted her, but didn't want the responsibility - said our boys were old enough (and they were - 14 and 10 at the time), but it was mostly me.. he wanted to train a bit different than I was doing... - this of course was WAY before I found DK.   Should have really listened to him and done things 'his' way, and she would have  been better trained, but live and learn.  she is a good dog (now).. but was feisty.  But I was the main caretaker (and I was also the one who had to find much needed restraint from throwing her out the door at times - lol  Even to this day DH says, she loves you best - half teasing - half not...but she did/does listen to him better probably because of the tone in his voice.  It gets better.  It TRULY does!  And we always had arguments about training.  Problem was - he thought of her as a D-O-G... I saw her as another "child". Heck - we even went through this (and still do) about disciplining our kids and deciding what we allow them to do and not....believe it or not HE is more lenient about what he thinks our boys should be able to do now than me.  good luck!  soon this will pass and you will be giving a new puppy owner the same advice!  HANG IN THERE!

[K and Racey]

Theresa,

I was afraid of this exact issue when we got Racey. Dogs love my husband; they worship him for some reason. Even my in-laws dog who has never been trained or lived with my husband will come to him when called faster than she will to anyone else.

Racey definitely loves Ryan (DH) more than she loves me. If I throw the frisbee she brings it to him and will only bring it to me if he won't take it from her. If Ryan leaves the bed at night to go watch tv, she leaves with him. If he leaves the house and I am still there, she cries. Don't get me wrong, she loves me too. Everyday when I get home she is so excited to see me! Even though she loves Ryan more she acts more excited to see me when we get home than she does towards dh.

Knowing ahead of time that dogs are drawn to my husband, and expecting her to be 45-65 lbs like her parents, I knew I was going to have to work a lot harder to get her to listen to me because once she was bigger there was nothing I could do to boss her around if she didn't want to listen. I was the one who took her to puppy class. I was the one who took her to Lowes to work on training. I was the one who did the hard stuff while Ryan did the fun stuff. Racey does listen to Ryan, but she minds me better. When I call her, she comes running without hesitation. I also spent a lot of time walking her with my sister (who is handicap), I let Cheyanne walk her and tell her to sit and everything like that. Cheyanne knew that anytime she gave a command she had to enforce it. Cheyanne can take Racey on walks on or off leash now because Racey understands the order of the pack.  

I think the main issue is right now-Duncan is trying to figure out the order of the pack. If he isn't minding your husband much, than maybe he is trying to determine who the alpha male is?