Vern and His Bathroom Habits!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I take my dogs on walks every morning.  Fudge knows to get her business over quickly and never disappoints me.  Sure, she has a tendency to wait until we are well away from a trashcan, but no matter, I don’t mind carrying a poop bag if it means the deed is done. 

Vern, on the other hand, takes forever to do his business and it gets to the point that I am following behind him chanting, “Vern, go poopy…Vern, go poopy….Vern, please go poopy….Vern, go poopy now….VERN, GO POOPY!”  I sound like one of those stuck 45’s from back in the day. 

The problem is I know he has to go and I don’t need to go into details, but he just won’t go until the stars align and the mood is perfect.

 

Believe me, it has nothing to do with modesty, because Vern has no problem licking himself when the mood strikes or squatting in the middle of training class, full of total strangers, if he gets the urge.  No, it has something to do with finding the perfect spot and that takes him forever.  He just gets so easily distracted and I find myself guarding him like a bear mama when I think he is going to go and actually shushing anyone that might disturb the moment. “I am sorry you had a bad day at work, but Vern is getting ready to go potty and I need you to be quiet until he is finished.”  Once, my husband said that he hoped he never had a heart attack during one of Vern’s bowel movements because he knew he would get in trouble if any movement on his part caused Vern to freeze up.  He said he could just hear me saying, “we were this close and then you had to start thrashing around.”

 

Today, the perfect spot was down the side of a hill, in a field of tall grass, full of who knows what critter and creatures. At least twice, he squatted and assumed the position and then stood up and looked at me like, “Never mind….false alarm…wrong spot.” 

Hold on while I roll for a minute:

Could you remind me again why I am out here?

Apparently, the right spot was when my ankles were bending in ways I never knew they could on the side of this hill, and my arm holding the leash was stretched until I could feel the ball and socket in my shoulder starting to part ways.  He finished and then I had to make my way down there and stick my hand into the tallest grass imaginable and hope that poop bag connected with something that was not breathing or had teeth.

Here I am getting down to the spot to collect Vern's poop!

Maybe I just need to tie him up somewhere, hand him a newspaper, and tell him I will be back in an hour. 

It might be nice for Fudge to hear something besides, “Vern, just go already,” on our walks.  Or just maybe, there is another solution. Has anybody tried out one of these?

[F, Calla & Luca]

Sounds like it might be a good idea : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I never understood why I have to pick up after my dogs and no one picks up after their horse :) We even have signs posted in our park that they are supposed to pick up that horse stuff, but no one does.

[Bonnie and Kona]

EEEEK!

[Pat and Traveler]

Not in Montana!  LOL

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

So funny....and so familiar.  Does Vern do the "circle dance" before pooping?  Murph circles several times before he poops....who knows why.  He also loves to circle a while just to tease us....we get all excited, and them he walks away laughing.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, Fudge does the circle dance....around and around. Vern pulls like an ox to get to just the right spot, stops, and goes....or not :) LOL

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

So funny! If I'm outside when Jack is going, he likes to look right into my eyes when he goes! Maybe because I say good boy when he's done and he wants to make eye contact so I can praise  him.. IDK! I just know he looks right into my eyes and happily poops! yikes

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Janie, Thank you for the laugh :) He wants to be appreciated for all the little things....LOL!!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

That pootrap thing is hilarious and if I went out in our town with one of those attached to Riley's bottom I would be in a locked ward in some facility for the bewildered by now!  Riley takes his time (actually an age) and it is always the furthest point from a bin and I walk for at least a mile with a poop bag which I can smell and I always hope that I don't bump into anyone who wants to stop for a chat.   

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Yes, why can't they go near the trashcan? Why didn't I train for all of this? LOL

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

You're crazy Laurie-made me laugh (even DH)

Are you sure Chloe and Vern are not related? They have all the same quirks!

If I don't want to leave the yard with her, I'm saying potty potty potty over and over again.

Chloe want a carrot? Chloe want a Charlie Bear? Chloe want to go in the car? Just pee! She would

hold it for 15 hours if you let her. Poop is a whole different story. Poor Fudge, always waiting for Vern!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Glad to give you a laugh. Maybe Chloe and Vern are siblings...could happen..LOL!! Chloe want a carrot...sounds like parrot talk :)