DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Hi All,

I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends.  I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears.  However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers.  A lot of people are asking  questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments.  Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited.  Some are very helpful.

Sometimes people don't see previous posts.  When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.

I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.

I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice.  The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.

For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I respect your post also, Pam.  I see this from all sides.  I can totally see how someone might be offended by a response.  I also think I "know" (as much as you can on a forum) quite a few of the active DKers that respond maybe like you are saying - and I respect them greatly.  I think we are all pretty crazy about our doodles and we are lucky to have DK, which has a lot of owners that are well-schooled in obedience, nutrition, etc...  I am also quite honored that the leaders of some of the doodle rescue orgs are on here - that being said, I think a LOT of discussions that you might be referring to (harsh responses) stem from the fact that no one wants a doodle to be in a bad home environment, risk being given up/re-homed, etc... Sometimes some of the harsh/real responses come from folks that are much closer to seeing the really bad side of pet ownership than maybe others of us are.  But I totally get what you are saying about people's perceptions, especially if they are new to DK and don't know some members' backgrounds. I still think 99.9% of these responses come from a very, very, very good place.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

 "I think a LOT of discussions that you might be referring to (harsh responses) stem from the fact that no one wants a doodle to be in a bad home environment, risk being given up/re-homed, etc... Sometimes some of the harsh/real responses come from folks that are much closer to seeing the really bad side of pet ownership than maybe others of us are."

This is exactly on point, Allyson. When you have held a healthy three-old doodle in your arms while he is euthanized because he was purchased as a puppy by a well-meaning person who just wanted a family dog but was not willing or able to put in the kind of time and commitment it takes to train a dog so that he doesn't end up unadoptable, it kind of colors the way you respond to questions, lol.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I don't think you mean some of the kidding around that goes on but I just wanted to cover this. Some of us have "known" each other a while and a lot of joshing goes on. We know it's all in fun  but we would not take those kind of pokes at random people.

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

No, not the kidding!  I can see through that and kidding is a sign of great friendships.  I love to scroll through the posts and LOL at the way things go back and forth between good friends.....

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Speak for yourself...I am still recovering from the Julia Child post....LOL!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

See what I mean Pam? Laurie loved every minute of it but you might never know. Now what can I do next...

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Families can be the cruelest of all.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL

[Shannon and Finn]

I think the kidding around is great!  It shows the real connections between you.  It made me feel more comfortable joining in the first place.

[Jennifer Tramell]

I agree but would like to point out something for consideration.  Many of the most knowledgable DK members have been around for a long time and seen a lot of bad situations.  They have put their "money where their mouth is" and rescued, fostered, donated $$, etc, to help out various doodle situations.  Many of the DK long-time members have formed friendships and their like-mindedness can appear as "ganging up".  These DKers have learned to recognize "red flags" in discussions and often jump straight to the point.  The intent is to solve the problem quickly, but I think it can come across as judgemental and uncaring to a newbie. 

When I first joined, I  posted a couple things and been taken aback by the (in my opinion) curt response.  However, as I got to know the posters, I realized that this was their communication style, they had my best wishes at heart, and I needed to relax.  DK "oldies" may need to be a little more "warm and fuzzy", but DK newbies should try to not take things personally. 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Excellent points!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Perfectly said :)