DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Hi All,

I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends.  I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears.  However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers.  A lot of people are asking  questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments.  Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited.  Some are very helpful.

Sometimes people don't see previous posts.  When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.

I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.

I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice.  The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.

For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.

[Sue]

I have always felt that it's not what you say, it's how you say it. And yes, I do agree a little kindness goes a long way.

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

: )

[Joyce & Wilson]

Totally agree!!!!!  Alot of quick judgement goes on...

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

I agree with you Sue...And since we don't "say" our words they are written it is REALLY important to be careful with what we "say"

 

 

[F, Calla & Luca]

No harshness here. You are completely right. I wrote a post on a similar theme two years ago. I guess we need occasional reminders and some people may not have been here then.

http://www.doodlekisses.com/forum/topics/civilitybe-nice

[Lori, Rooney & Zuzu]

I should certainly hope that no one would react harshly to a gentle reminder to think twice, be kind and choose your words carefully.  That is a reminder we can all use both here and in our daily lives.

For a long time we had only one family rule posted on our refrigerator door: "Be Kind".  It pretty much summed up everything about how I wanted my family to interact with one another, and that includes me! 

I am very non-confrontational person so I try very hard to carefully strike the right tone when communicating in words, rather than face to face.  But that can be tricky since things like sarcasm, teasing and exaggeration don't always come across correctly in the written word.  On a site like this where people generally don't really "know" one another, it's a good idea to be extra careful when choosing your words.  Thanks for this very KIND reminder. :)

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Similar in our home. My son's were encouraged to speak up- speak your mind. Low voices and no cussing, but please Go For It

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

I agree, but to an extent. Often the poster will become offended because they are given information they do not wish to hear. The truth hurts. Many times, a direct approach, going right to the point is the best way, rather than sticking it in between many cuddly words.
A good rule to follow- listen to the message on replies! Not all posters accel in creative writing but have a very good message that may be very helpful.
Type, does not contain essentials often needed in communication: facial expressions, hand gestures, tone of voice.
So here, we must rely on words.
We are not always here to make others ' feel all warm and fuzzy' on some topics that are controversial
True be careful and thoughtful with feelings, but the information is the most important

[F, Calla & Luca]

True, too.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Keep in mind, many of these topics consist of the welfare of the qaulity of a dog's life. Certainly, a very serious issue!

[BG and Gavin]

Often the poster will become offended because they are given information they do not wish to hear. The truth hurts.

I agree with this Joanne.

[Adina P]

Since we only see words, then I would say it is doubly important that we choose our words carefully.  Not saying to walk on egg shells, but it's a VERY (very x 10) rare person who will change their mind because someone shoves a view on "truth" in their face.  People don't usually change because others tell them they are wrong.  If it was that easy, then there would be nobody with lifestyle induced health issues and relationships would be a breeze, nobody would get divorced, and kids would be EASY to raise =)    Sometimes, too, what one person considers 'wrong' is a matter of opinion.  Not pointing to any specific discussion or topic, but just my general thoughts.  Since becoming a parent I have become a lot less judgmental about how other people do things.