DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Hi All,

I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends.  I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears.  However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers.  A lot of people are asking  questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments.  Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited.  Some are very helpful.

Sometimes people don't see previous posts.  When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.

I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.

I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice.  The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.

For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Now that is mean!!! I have done nothing to deserve this. Had you been observant my hokums are not thrown out at random but are directed at egregious comments!!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

And here I thought you would be flattered that I thought of you first!! Some people are just ungrateful! :)

BTW "egregious" is in the eye of the beholder (please refer to previous comments in this discussion).

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL

[F, Calla & Luca]

It is not the first part but the thought that counts : )

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Now we need to have Adina add it to the Acronyms Explained list.

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Amen, sister!!!

[Donna K & Quincy]

LOL Jane, Yep no matter how you frost it, a turd is still a turd. I have been guilty once and only once of calling someone on their p***poor reason for looking for a new home for their dog. I generally remain silent or try to phrase something so it does not sound too judgemental, however, having said that, it is mostly because I am a big chicken and try not to say something in print that I wouldn't say to your face. I admire those who are not afraid to speak their opinion and some things just need to be said. People don't always get what they want when they post a discussion but it is called a discussion for a reason. There is always more than one opinion and they are sure to differ from time to time.

People who are trying to rehome their doodles or thinking about it really touches a nerve because there have been so many lately than join up just for that reason.

 

 

 

 

[Shannon and Finn]

I agree that re-homing is a sensitive and sad topic.  This might push a few buttons but I am honestly curious and can take the heat.  If someone was looking to re-home wouldn't this be a logical place to look?  I am just thinking about someone who got pregnant and later realized that couldn't manage the responsibility, they should look for a reputable place for advice and assistance.  It's too late to say they shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place and that avoids the real question at hand. That person would need guidance.

I don't think giving up a dog should be taken lightly and demonstrates poor judgement from the get go but it is a reality.  There is also a responsibility to find a good home for the dog and not drop it off at a shelter or give it to the first person that responds to your craigslist ad.  It might be ultimately better for the dog to re-home rather than stay in a home where they weren't getting cared for.  I don't know, just a thought/question.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Shannon, Not too long ago, we were seeing post after post from people who jumped on here to dump their dogs. One guy said his dog had a wheat allergy...easily controlled...but then he went on to say it upset his kids because they couldn't give this dog treats like they did the other dogs...and so on. Every reasonable suggestion, there was a reason why he didn't want to do that and really he just should have said he didn't want the dog anymore. Another guy found out his young dog had diabetes and he needed to find the dog a home. It was one post after another and people tried to offer up suggestions, but the bottom line was they got a dog and when it got a little tough, didn't want to make an effort and people got mad. Most of us believe that a dog is a lifetime commitment, although I realize things come up and sometimes life gets in the way, and we do honestly try and direct those people to the reputable Doodle rescues. Maybe getting a little harsh with those people will make them stop and think next time they decide to run out and get a dog. I don't hold out a lot of hope, but I can dream. 

Also, if you read any of the stories about the Doodles scrolling down the front page looking for homes, you will see that a large majority are being re-homed because they now have children and don't have time for their beloved Doodle. That I will never understand. I think some of us get grumpy when we kept seeing all of these posts...LOL.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Grumpy is right Laurie. especially when you've taken in one of these sweet souls and have to live with that sadness.

 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

There's also the way they phrase their posts, too. If you have already made up your mind to get rid of the dog, say that. Don't waste everybody's time describing the problems and soliciting advice on how to solve the problems, only to pooh-pooh every suggestion. And don't blame the dog. "The dog does this and that, and I can't blah blah blah" because you are feeling guilty and need to justify yourself so that people will say "Well of course you must get rid of that dog, it's not your fault."  It is your fault. Take ownership of the problem. You not have meant to do something wrong, but you did. If only one of these people just once would be honest and accept responsibility. "I made a terrible mistake. I didn't do my research, I didn't realize how much time and work a dog requires, and now I must find a new home for my poor dog. Can you please help me?" I guarantee that nobody here would be anything but helpful. There would be no nasty comments, just an honest and concerted effort to help. It's the deception and the denial that bothers us. It's like when your child has done something wrong and instead of admitting it, he makes up a convoluted story to try to put the blame elsewhere and avoid accepting responsibility. That insults your intelligence and makes you much more angry than you would have been if he'd just come to you and said "I made a mistake." You would be much more inlcined to treat him gently.

When people act as if the fact that they have acted irresponsibly and played fast and loose with an innocent animals' life is someone else's fault, and the response is "Oh, you poor thing", to me the message is "Oh, look. You can get a puppy and if it doesn't work out, you can always get rid of it. Maybe we should try that." Let's not forget that this is a public forum. The person who is getting the harsh comments may be offended, but I promise you they will realize that they did something very wrong and that other people do not condone it. And the people who may be thinking about getting a dog will read it and maybe also realize what kind of a commitment they are making.

There is also the problem of the people getting rid of a dog for health reasons, which we have had many times here. This just boils down to putting your problems off on someone else, and abandoning a dog who has done nothing wrong but get sick. To me, there is no excuse for that, and what is the solution? The rescues don't have unlimited resources. If a dog needs a surgery or treatment that costs thousands of dollars and requires full-time care, how can a rescue tie up valuable resources which are in short supply, money and a foster home, for this one dog who may not be adoptable, when there are so many others in need? Not to mention putting a dog thru the stress of losing his home at a time when stress is the last thing he needs. Now he can be sick among strangers. To me, this is just a despicable thing to do. And to lay a burden like that on the backs and hearts of caring strangers here, because you are unwilling to live up to your responsibilities. Many of us have agonized for days over these posts, wishing we could help these poor dogs. It boils down to asking other people to clean up your mess for you. And when those people are actually willing to do that, you should bow your head in gratitude and not be offended if some of them say a few things you don't like. If anyone here can justify condoning that kind of thing, I ask that you immediately contact the DRC or IDOG and offer your services to help clean up the mess you are condoning.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Karen, I just saw this! This is so brilliant and so true and I agree 100%, especially with the last sentance. The more I slowly inch my way into the world of animal rescue the more I am convinced that anyone here who thinks they should be kind to someone who is making excuses about mistreating their dog would quickly change their minds if they actually got invovled.