Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Thanks, it seems so.

[Kimmy & Chewie]

Toads! We have toads in our garden that appears en masse if it rains.
Chewie keeps forgetting that he's not suppose to play with them because toads are poisonous.
Which means he has to be closely supervise during post-rain potties. Rainy seasons coming up in a few months...not looking forward to that.

[Pat and Traveler]

Kimmy--yuk!  I wouldn't like having herds of toads!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I would not like toads at all. Chewie, stay away from those toads :)

[Kimmy & Chewie]

@Pat and Laurie, very yucky indeed.
Once, I googled "how to get rid of toads humanely?" and the answer was..

The most humane way to kill toads is to put them into a sealed container (with air holes) and refrigerate overnight. This induces a coma-like state, which is not painful. Then freeze the toad(s) for a few days to ensure death has occurred and bury afterward.

OMD!! Like THAT'S going to happen! Toads in the garden is bad enough.. Can't imagine toads in the FRIDGE!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

ROFL!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

OMD....this sounds horrible :) LOL

[F, Calla & Luca]

One reason. Ms. Calla would kill the groundhog legally. And if you want to have two reasons Luca would help once the creatures was immobilized. A good reason not to kill the f@#$%*& rodents is we'd all have to schlep to PA to visit you in jail. Also, you could kill anyone given the circumstances including Fern (aka Fudge and Vern) or yourself.

As to the geese, I always praised you for the factual nature of your blogs--well, except for when you exaggerate or lie about something deliberately--think age and beauty here. But geese come in a gaggle not a fleet. As usual DK taught me something because they are a skein in fight, who knew.

"A gaggle is a term of venery for a flock of geese that isn't in flight; in flight, the group can be called a skein."

Then I had to look up venery, a term I didn't know.

"

ven·er·y/ˈvenərē/

Noun:

Sexual indulgence. Hunting."

I think definition #1 is intended here. Whew. I am going to rest now.

[Ann Kendig]

LOL!! Guess you are setting Laurie straight, huh? Well, I learned a few things from your post F. : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ann, She always picks on me :) LOL

[Ann Kendig]

I've noticed....

[F, Calla & Luca]

Hey, I am here to keep things legitimate and true.