Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

You tell her, F!!

Laurie, we are on our way to the airpor and you're post got all of us rolling!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, Have fun at that graduation!!! I am glad I made you laugh :)

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

How many grammatical mistakes can I make, lol! I need to quit DK in the car!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

You could still play WWF in the car....LOL!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, A gaggle did not work in my discussion, so I went with fleet. I did not think anyone would point that out since I am thinking about arming myself with a weapon. LOL You are getting more feisty every day and I see even the censors are working overtime on some of your comments. Your comment made me laugh out loud and educated me all at the same time.

[F, Calla & Luca]

That was self censoring Laurie. I may be feisty but I am a lady, here at least : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have noticed more self censoring of late!! Does it have anything to do with that super moon Joanne was talking about the other day?? LOL

[F, Calla & Luca]

Huh?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

A full moon can make people do and say crazy things :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

We have few lunatics around here and I didn't say anything crazy but no doubt you were referring to others : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

No doubt :)

[Pat and Traveler]

I think it's #2--a flock that is hunting (for food).  Just guessin'  :)  I'd never heard of 'venery' either.  The gaggle/skein is one of those odd factoids I've had lodged in my mind somehow, taking up space where I could have stored something useful.  It's right there with 'needlefish have green bones.'