Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Carol and Banjo]

Pat - A few years back we had squirrels determined to "own" our cars.  Out of desperation we filled socks with moth balls and put them under the hoods of our cars.   You MUST remember to remove them each time you use the car but it did work. We also had an older pickup truck that was rarely used and kept a "sock" inside the cab as they had set up housekeeping inside as well.    They haven't been a problem since.  

[Pat and Traveler]

Thanks, Carol--I feel your pain.  :)  It's actually hard to find moth balls now, as you'll discover if try to get some at your local fabric center.  I did try pepper and such in the engine compartment, but I think the squirrels just appreciated having some condiments. 

[Carol and Banjo]

LOL.....Walmart still sells the dastardly things as far as I know.

[Pat and Traveler]

I didn't try Walmart, but I will if the little **#@@ return.  The clerk at the fabric store didn't appear to have heard of moth balls, and I finally ended up saying they were to help get rid of squirrels in the attic.  There was a very long and unnerving silence after that. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We had mice doing the same thing and I put moth balls under the hood. I just threw loose ones in under the hood and it gagged me every time I drove the car. Apparently, your way sounds smarter....LOL!! I have to remember to use a sock and remove it when I use the car. Sometimes, I am an idiot :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

I do think the fumes are not at all good for you. I have put some in a snack bag in which I poked holes and put it under the siding sort of where I think the mice come in. The bathroom nearby sometimes smells like camphor in the beginning but that is OK. It's almost never used.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

The fumes were terrible. The smell stayed around forever.

[Ann Kendig]

Holy Cow, I can see why you feel so strongly! I have told my husband we should get a gun but I don't think it would be safe for us or the dogs. : )

[Pat and Traveler]

Ann--I could see myself blowing holes in the ceiling--NOT a good idea!  LOL

[Ann Kendig]

hahahahahahaha....Me too!!

[Bonnie and Kona]

This is horrible! I hope you win this battle permanently. Yikes.