Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Ann Kendig]

This is a cute story, I can imagine this happening. : )

[Pat and Traveler]

Rose Ann--I can imagine how restful that camping trip was!  Seems like ONE of something can be cute and entertaining, but LOTS of them are a whole different story.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Rose Ann, What a nightmare. We had ONE rabbit that drove us nuts here. I cannot imaging a whole bunch of them running loose. LOL

[F, Calla & Luca]

Have you heard from Stewpid lately?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We have not had any rabbits for quite some time. I think Stewpid moved and took his friends with him.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Your reputation must have spread.

[cheryl & oliver]

Laurie, I needed this srory this morning, I was lauhging so hard I was crying....I feel for you I really do.  While we were up in Jersey last year, my sister in laws neighborhood was literally over run with these geese...they certainly do leave a mess, and they are really mean creatures.  There little community also purchased two beautiful swans, and it seemed to help for a while, but then they were back, then they were gone again...They haven't returned yet this year, but people are just praying that they don't return...Thanks for the much needed laugh this morning.  Oh, and the thought of you with a gun?...mentally not good, lol....

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, LOL...I am glad the story helped. My mom lived in a community with a little pond and they were overrun with geese. I never understood her complaints until I got Fudge and Vern :)  My DH says the same thing about me carrying a weapon....LOL!

[Bonnie and Kona]

My tummy hurts from laughing! Thank you for making my morning through the power of goose poop. We don't have much of it around here, but when we lived in CO it was a whole different story. I can see those geese lining up each day for the distribution of laxatives. They fly in formation and clearly have that lining up system down pat.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, I think it is the head goose in the V pattern that distributes the goods:) That is the one we have to get...LOL!!

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

I have no reason why you should not go "packing" while on your walks other than it might be against the law and if you are arrested and sent to jail, you will not be able to supply us with a good laugh....at your expense..... hehe

and the line......We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!"   PRICELESS!!!

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Elizabeth, They do patrol up at that park, so you might be right about jail :) Thank you for liking that line. F told me it is a gaggle, not a fleet, and I told her a gaggle did not work in this discussion.  LOL