Life Lesson: It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it....

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

I have not spent as much time on DK as I used to.  I do read posts often but I do not comment and I do not post many discussions or blogs at all.  I find that to often I feel very bad for people that are reaching out for help, have questions, are in general uninformed about certain topics, or have had to make decisions that they probably wish they did not have to make. 

 

I feel bad for them because without fail it seems there are members just waiting for people to say something they can criticise or judge.  Even when people are pleading not to be judged some just cannot resist being condescending and judgemental.  I find humor when people defend their mean-spiritedness stating that this is a group with open discussions and people are entitled to their OPINIONS.  I never realized that to be an opinion you had to be judgemental and critical.

 

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows o...

 

Here are a few definitions I had given to my 13-year-old daughter last school year when she seemed confused about how to react to certain comments made by her school peers.

 

question  - noun

1. a sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply.

2. a problem for discussion or under discussion; a matter for investigation.

3. a matter of some uncertainty or difficulty; problem (usually followed by of ): It was simply a question of time.

4. a subject of dispute or controversy.

5. a proposal to be debated or voted on, as in a meeting or a deliberative assembly.

 

statement   - noun

1. The act of stating or declaring.

2. Something stated; a declaration.

 

opinion  - noun

1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.

2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

 

judgement - noun

1. an act or instance of judging.

2. the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.

 

judgemental  -  adj

1. of or denoting an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made.

criticism  - noun

1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything.

2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.

  

compassion - noun

1. a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

 

empathy  - noun

1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

 

respect -  verb   

1. to hold in esteem or honor:

2. to show regard or consideration for: to respect someone's rights.

3. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.

4. to relate or have reference to.

 

 

 

Giving criticism tests your communication skills. If you do it right, you can change it from a stinging, negative message to a positive, motivating experience for every member that reads it.

You may be frustrated, angry, annoyed, peeved, apoplectic or slightly uncomfortable. But if you approach criticism with a temper or an angry demeanour, you are less likely to think straight and may say or do something you wish you hadn’t, or others to feel embarassment for you disregard for people being humans and not perfect.

Stop and ask yourself…why do I need to criticise someone else? Simple question, not so simple answer.

 

Because they have failed, botched, screwed-up, or not performed to the level I expected, I have to let them know how I feel about it. 

Really?  Someone asking for help, asking questions, being uninformed, making a decision you necessarily don't agree with or someone just making a statement, you have to let them know about it by being critical and sometimes downright rude and mean?  God help anyone with a low self-esteem.

Here are a few quotes I thought about while going through posts today..............

• Judging others is a dangerous thing, not because you may make a mistake about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself.
• We may ask for information, but we are usually only interested in what confirms our opinions.
• A narrow mind and an open mouth usually go together.
• Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
• Never judge a man's actions without knowing his motives.

 

There are many, many, many members on DK that are awesome! Whether I agree with all of their opinions or not they handle themselves with finesse.  At the end of the day doesn't everyone want to feel good about themselves and how they have treated others?  As my mother ALWAYS said "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it".

 

 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

  Most of the information we get in a face-to-face communication is NOT from the words themselves, but rather from body language, facial expression, and tone of voice.  Something lacking here in the new modern world.    Misinterpretation of what is communicated is rampant. Timeliness of the feedback is delayed adding more  confusion to the understanding of the message. It always will be this way   until we evolve as communicators on the internet ( if that is possible), decide like you have,  not to participate, or we continue on the path of technology and use video face to face communication.  That in itself is another good/bad situation. 

I think this goes far beyond grammar: Nouns, adj., verbs 

Some forums are not for everyone.  I don't read everything on here.  So we also have the choice in what we read and what we want to participate in

We all though, have  the knowledge and capabilities to turn the computer OFF

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Which apparently I never do!

[F, Calla & Luca]

: )

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

LOL!

[Holly (Jax & Bandit)]

I personally think that what you said was well put.  There are many members on this forum who do disagree in a very respectful manner and with great finesse.  I value their opinions and look forward to their insight.  There are also those who are quick to judge and seem overly harsh in their responses.  I know that we all have the option to read, post, and reply.  I often find myself nervous to post anything that could possibly be considered controversial as I don't want the wrath of some to come down on me.  That being said, I do enjoy the site and have to remind myself that there are all kinds of people in this world with different backgrounds and opinions.  I just hope that people aren't being scared off from what has been posted lately.

[Judi, David & Maddie Irishdoodle]

ditto

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

Thank you Holly! 

[Chloe, Finley & Mama Shelley]

ditto also

[Lynne Fowler-Oodles of Doodles]

Well said, D!

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

Thanks as always Lynne :-)

[Lynne Fowler-Oodles of Doodles]

Ditto. "A good intention is like the seed of a tree whose fruit we do not know."

Or "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Whichever, you always have good intentions.

[Camilla and Darwin]

I do think that it's extremely important that this forum maintains it's honesty and diversity of opinion. What is the point if everyone is too polite to make suggestions or disagree?

That being said, I agree with what you are saying about civility. It's important for us all to remember that a differing opinion doesn't give us permission to be rude. Nobody is perfect and we all have a hard time controlling our tempers, but we should try right? :-)