Continuation of Sherri's Rehome Discussion!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have been up since 5:30 am thinking about Sherri’s discussion about all of the recent rehoming discussions.   She is right in that we have to come up with some way to deal with these discussions.  As worried as I am about the dogs in question, I am equally as worried about the way these discussions divide our DK community.  We have had discussions on being nice that didn’t end up so nicely and plenty of arguments as to how a discussion was handled and how it could have been handled better.  Sometimes I agree.  Sometimes I don’t, but yesterday hit a nerve because I felt like I was nice.  I said please and thank you and still we were not nice enough.  Even some of the comments about what we should have done, we did do, and still the poster got upset and closed the discussion and everyone is in agreement that the real loser is going to be that dog.  The bottom line is however I think we handled it or didn't handle it, we didn't get through to that poster and so I do agree, we need a better way.

 

I am not here to re-hash that discussion, because honestly I am mad about it and in the long run, no one should care about that as much as we do about helping the next dog that appears in the next rehome discussion, and we all know there will be another dog soon.  There is absolutely no way to control a discussion like the one yesterday or the others before that because unless we send out a script to all of our members telling them to please not respond emotionally or negatively to anyone trying to rehome their dog for any old reason, someone is going to respond passionately and get someone else mad.  At first, the thing that upset me yesterday is that people who had not read the comments or offered any assistance to the poster were critical of those of us who did, but since those people are some of the ones I respect the most here on DK, I also know they care as much about these dogs as I do and even if we don't agree, they have a right to their opinion.   Trust me, when I say that is a hard one for me :) I also know there is a wide range of people on DK with varying opinions and sometimes we have to put aside our personal feelings to get something done for a dog that needs our help.  I also know that behind every comment is the need to help a dog.

 

It seemed to me that the majority of the responders to Sherri’s post felt like we hardly ever talk anyone out of rehoming their dogs once they post and we should just respond with the facts and keep emotions out of responses.  With that said, I think the discussions are right to be on the front page, but I think we need a link or something to refer the person to the DRC or IDog and after that, I hope the discussion gets closed so no further comments can be made. 

P.S. Please note: if you disagree with me I will close the discussion :)

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

I have found myself getting very upset and far too involved with some of these posts -- most obvious -- the MegaE pups.

But since I'm still a work in progress :) I sometimes realize I could have said nothing at all something in a better way.  But here's where I net out:  

1. I agree with F that we cannot really know someone's motivation or their situation. And I think that unless someone asks or wants to keep the dog, their mind is made up.  They are posting for one reason -to find a new home for the dog. That's why they close the discussion.  We are talking to ourselves.  It's horrible, it's heartbreaking, but it's reality. And we end up causing divisions among each other.   

2. I like Sherri's idea of putting in a link that gives the poster information about rehoming a dog,(and a dose of reality in an unemotional way),  resources for alternative ways to deal with common issues that cause rehoming, dissuades them from dumping the dog at a kill shelter, and guides them to DRG and iDog if that's their decision. 

3. We should do everything we can to strengthen DRG and iDog because these are our groups and the need is so great.

One last thing I suggest is that any breeder wanting to find a home for a returned pup (for medical or behavioral reasons) should have to post it on the breeder's page.  I think breeder's should be held to a higher standard and I think there should be a different information link to give prospective adopters the right questions to ask. 

Adina, I'd like to sign up for your School of Diplomacy if you ever decide to open one.  I'd like to major in "Move ON"

NOW just to make you smile:  G'Nite from the DOODLE KIDS (21 golden doodle puppies rescued by DVGRR -8 have gone to their new homes already.  These pups had never seen grass or had free play before rescue!  )

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, Well said and I LOVE the picture!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Love the picture! :)

[Pat and Traveler]

Good points, Cheryl.  Love the pic, but it's strange--that pup in front could be mistaken for Trav! 

[Stella]

I have been on DK for four years but am more of a 'lurker'.  I check in every now and then to see what is going on, but rarely get involved in the discussions!  So, I missed the whole Wally thing.  I can see it from both sides.  I hate to see these people who only join DK because they want to get rid of their dog.  But, some of them I'm sure are genuine and want help working out the best thing to do with whatever situation they have found themselves in. 

I've always believed getting a dog is something that shouldn't be taken lightly and that once they are part of our family they are with you until they pass away.  We have two doodles, and the second one has proved to be extremely challenging.  We had him from 9 weeks old, took him to puppy socialisation classes, obediance classes, took him everywhere with us - farmers markets, petting zoos, soccer games etc etc.  But, as he got older our two dogs started getting into fights, serious ones that led to our first dog going to the vet for stitches.  He also became increasingly fearful outside the home and aggressive towards other dogs.  It was a very stressful time and I began to feel that we weren't the right owners for this dog, that he needed to go to a home where he was the only dog and with more experienced owners.  Many people in the multiple dogs group at that time also suggested that maybe we should rehome him.  (Obviously, we would not even consider taking him to a shelter, it was the DRC or nothing!!).  My husband was devastated when I suggested that we rehome him, and after some soul searching we decided to try a last ditch plan. My concern was that because of his behavioural problems, he might be impossible to rehome and would end up being euthanised anyway.  We stuck with it, came up with a plan of action and after a lot of hard work, and quite a few tears, two years later we are getting there with him.  Our two dogs are no longer fighting, he goes to agility lessons, and has begun to work on introducing himself politely and without fear to new dogs (under controlled circumstances!!).

It has been a very difficult time for all of us, and I can see how some people wouldn't have had the time or commitment to do what we did and stick it out.  I hope, that if they do make it here to DK we can hold back our frustration at how stupid some people can be, and direct them to the appropriate agencies for help.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Stella,  I am so glad you tried the last ditch effort and it is getting better!!! These are the kinds of stories that give me hope. Thank you!

[Christine & Camus]

Stella, your story is inspiring and heartwarming.

[Jennifer and Jack]

What a great story!

[ERIC A. NATER]

A great story, I just hope everyone got the message in your last paragraph.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Thanks for sharing your story Stella! I commend you for the extra effort you and your family have put forth to enable your doodle to  stay in his home.  Good advice about holding our frustration with posters. There's no way we can know everything they have been through that brought them to this point.

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Stella, that's a wonderful story of what hard work, love and commitment can do.  Thanks for sharing it.

[F, Calla & Luca]

It is wonderful to hear the outcome in a situation where perseverance and true effort changed a very challenging situation.