Need Some Insight...

[Joanie]

Hey Everyone :)  You guys all provide such great advice, and I'm hoping you can do so once again.

 

This past March I was let go from my job due to coporate wide restructing.  I worked for a huge cosmetic company and I was so proud to say I worked for them.  I was an Administrative Assistant in the Color Cosmetics Department and for the most part I loved my job.  It was the first time, due to my anxiety and depression, that I was able to hold down a job for longer than a few months or even longer than a year!  I was so proud of myself!  I was working part-time, 20 hours a week, making a full-time salary with benefits!  The job provided me with the freedom I craved.  But, there were some down sides.  I was one of three Administrative Assistants in that department.  You always had to "prove" to the company that you were worth keeping.  Each year you had to fill out a form showing what you had done for the year.  People were very two-faced and stabbed you in the back to just get ahead.  It was corporate.  You always had to fight to show people what you were actually doing and hardly everyone ever said "hey you're doing a great job".  There were many times I had almost lost my job because they didn't understand my anxiety issues and at times it was very hard.  Everyone said when I was let go that I would find a much better job.  A lot of people weren't happy at this company.

 

In July I got hired as the sole Administrative Assistant at a reform Jewish temple.  I am Jewish myself, but not religious, so it's interesting to be learning about my background.  Everyone at the temple always tells me I am part of the family and am doing such a wonderful job.  Everyone praises me all the time and really truely appreciates all I do.  I am working more hours, getting paid more than I was at my previous job, and I still get the freedom that I crave.  I work 10 to 5 Monday through Thursday and 10 to 2 on Fridays.  I get all Jewish holidays and Secular holidays off with pay.  I get two weeks vacation to start.  I don't have to fight to be seen and don't have to prove my worth.  Even though I've already had one panic attack they didn't care and the Rabbi himself told me if I ever need to scream, cry, yell, whatever his office is always open.  They make me feel welcome.  This job has no benefits.

 

When I worked at my previous job, it was local and I would car pool.  I never drove myself and driving had always triggered my anxiety. Now, I work 30 minutes away, drive myself to work everyday, through traffic, on the thruway with no problems!  I am very proud of myself!  This job has proven to me that I can handle more hours and more responsibility.  This job had proven to me that I am appreciated for all that I do.

 

Here's where the problem comes in.  It's almost December and December would have marked three years that I would have been at the Cosmetic Company.  A HUGE accomplishment!  I keep getting all depressed because I still can't understand or make sense of what happened there.  It still hurts as much as it did the first day I was let go.  I can't seem to move on.  I stay in a state of depression because, although I love my new job I can't let go of my old one.  I can't let go of what was.  Justin (my husband) keeps reminding me that my old job really wasn't all that great... there was a lot of negative and bad things and this new job is wonderful. 

 

Please provide me with some insight of how I can move on and let go and find peace...

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

It worked out better than I could ever imagine!  I am so glad it happened  :) 

So I could relate somewhat to Joanie's " Why did this happen to me"

I had also been part of Attrition situation in a job, where after 17 years we were all gone! POOF and I had similar feelings then.

I am hoping Joanie will find how lucky she is now, and stop trying to find answers from the past.  Not everything is our fault.

[Doris]

I understand the anxiety and depression.  From the description of your NEW job, I think it is paradise!!!  You shoud forget about the cosmetic company!!!  That added to your stress!  At your new job people are supportive and understanding.  Close the door to the cosmetic company and focus on your wonderful, new job.

 

Having someone tell you that you are doing a good job is so important . . . . when you don't here that from the boss, you feel that they don't have a clue of how hard you work.  I am teacher.  In the last 14 years only the custodian has mentioned that I "sure do work hard".  yup . . . .enjoy your new job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[F, Calla & Luca]

I know what you mean. Years ago I worked part time for a children's home, where things eventually were going downhill. I never was told I did a good job, although I had more responsibilities than others. After I decided to leave, because I found myself getting angry all the time there, My supervisor told me how good I was and asked me to stay. I decided to work full time for myself and have never regretted it. The children's home closed a year or two later.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

I would also like to add that a great majority of the time it isn't the person that is let go or the person that is eliminated, it is the position!  In these cases, no sole searching is required as it absolutely had nothing to do with the person, it was the company bottom line that was the issue.

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

You say this job 'has no benefits' but the way I see it it has lots of benefits though they may not be financial they are indeed priceless.  I do not understand depression but it seems that this is deep seated and may or may not have been caused entirely by the ending of your last job.  Try to stay in the present which seems a far better place than that 'corporate' past.  I do know a bit about big business and it cares little for the mental health of it's employees.  Back stabbing is commonplace and the pressures of the work are endless. I won't say be thankful or any of that obvious stuff but from what you have outlined here you are lucky to have found a position in a job that really cares about you the person and not just what you can do work wise. Day by day is my advice...there's a lot of water to go under the bridge from now until Christmas (Hanukah!).  I do hope that you can find some peace of mind before then and wish you all the best in this quest.

[Laurie, Wally & Charlotte]

I wonder if Jewish Family & Children's Service would be able to provide a therapist or if Combined Jewish Philanthropies could lead you to a counselor that could help.  Also, it sounds as if you have a good relationship with the rabbi at the temple where you work.  Why not ask him for guidance?  He might even know of a group health-insurance policy for synagogue employees that you could join for benefits that would cost less than purchasing an individual policy.  I have no personal experience with your challenges, but believe that you might have more access to specialists than you realize.  I wish you success in finding someone with whom to talk to help you through this.

[Joanie]

Thank you everyone.  Your insight has helped and I think I am going to start searching for a therapist, one on a sliding scale and if I can't figure it out myself, maybe I will ask the Rabbi for ideas.  And please, don't worry I won't go off my medication.  I've been on the meds now for almost 10 years and because of the meds my life has changed dramatically!  Before the meds I couldn't leave the house, I hated myself, I would yell, scream, cry, break things... I was very out of control.  The meds helped all that and helped me to go to college, live my life, make friends, feel confident in myself, got rid of the aggression, and led me to the most amazing man I could ever dream of.  I am truely lucky.  So, the meds are a good thing and help to control the anxiety and depression, but of course it's not a happy pill and doesn't take away all the feelings.  So, I do need to talk to someone.  Where my husband works, he has benefits but his job does not pay into them so if we was to take out medical benefits for the two of us it would cost an entire paycheck!  We can not afford to do that.  My job, at the Temple offers medical benefits but they also do not pay into it and for just me to be covered would cost an entire paycheck, so that doesn't work.  Plus, because I can only take name brand medication and not generic, the medical perscription coverage won't cover it.  So, it doesn't make sense.  Justin says we can start saving money so God forbid there is a medical emergency we have money to back us up.  Alot of my feelings towards my previous job... it's a lot of things that make me upset.  I guess overall I feel like a failure.  If I played the game differently and was like other people maybe I'd still be there.  I also keep looking at the fact that I'm only at the Temple job for like 3 months and the Cosmetic Company I would have been there almost 3 years!  I just feel like such a failure!  The one thing Justin did was, at my last job I had my cubicle covered in my pictures of my furry children, Justi, me, friends, family.  That way I was always surrounded by those I love and if I was having a tough day I could look at my pictures and feel better.  So, what Justin did was for every month that I stay at this job and work hard and do well he gives me another picture to put on my bulletin board at this job.  So it's kind of like a positive to look towards so I can look at how many pictures I have up and see how far I've come, how many months I have been there.  And the good thing is, this job keeps me very busy so I never have downtime to think.  The days fly by... but it's when I get home, have time to think that I get all down and out.  I know I have accomplished so much in the little time I've been at the Temple... it just doesn't feel enough.  I am my own worst enemy and am very hard on myself.  I need to find a therapist to talk to whose sliding scale fee is reasonable.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Your husband is a real true hero (for you) and I think you need to focus on what a great man you have - really focus on that and never ever forget to let him know how much you admire and appreciate him.  This is just an aside from the rest of this discussion.  I also have the most terrific of husbands and I fear that I don't let him know often enough how much I appreciate him.

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

There is a old saying that goes like this:

You aren't depressed and anxious because you are not strong enough,

but because you were strong too long.

 

Sounds like your new job is better for you.  I know personally about anxiety and depresssion.  Stay on your meds and explore counseling options.  Choose carefully.  If you don't like the counselor or group they will be no help,  find another.

 

 Find one thing every day that makes you happy and relieves your anxiety.  Write it down.  After a bit find two things, write them down.  When that old anxiety record starts playing, take out your list and say it out loud, if you are musical, put it to a tune.  Your brain can be retrained, but meds help.  We are all rooting for you.  I find knitting, dog walking, and being in water are great anxiety relievers for me.  Everbody can find something that soothes their soul, if only for a bit.