How do you say "I'm Sorry Your House Burned Down"? :(

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

A very good long time friend's house burned to the ground this afternoon. Her and her hubby are fine but they got out with the clothes on their back and lost everything they own. They are staying at her parents' house.

I can't even imagine what this is like. I have no idea what to say or how to comfort someone who has just lost everything, her memories, her clothing and jewlery, all the time, labour and money they put into upgrading their home, all their precious artifacts and everyday essentials, photos, everything. I will be heading home this week-end (neice's birthday party) so I will be able to see her. I'd like to put together a care package for them and am looking for suggestions on what to include other than wine and chocolate, of which there will be plenty. Has anyone had any experience with this kind of a thing? How do you support someone in this situation?

[F, Calla & Luca]

How devastating that must have been. I'm glad it's over with although I am sure the effects and memories linger on.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Laurie, What a nice gesture to offer your phone number. I am so sorry that you experienced this all first-hand.  Your suggestions while very hard learned, are great. DK has the absolute best people on the Internet.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

This is exactly what I was trying to say, but you said it much better.So sorry you had to go through that.

[Ginny Nightingale]

Wonderful DKers to the rescue--what a nice group of folks here--my son's friend lost everything in a fire and we took him shopping that night and he stayed with us for about a week while the rest of his family found places to stay--it was very hard because each day he would remember something else that was in the house and is now gone and he felt the pain of loss all over again...

We had this happen just before Christmas to another family too and money was raised for them---maybe you could help organize a fund drive in their town or try to find out if that is happening--there were collection jars in the bank, the stores and all around for people to contribute to--they had the family's picture on them and a paragraph about their loss. A bank account can be set up for the donations. Is there anyone back at home you could work with to get something going? We have a very nice little town here and they collected quite a bit of money for the family--which is, of course, what they really need.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Ginny, as Laurie and I mentioned, money is really not what they may need, because homeowner's insurance covers just about everything and they cut a check right away, plus reimburse you for for whatever you layout before that happens. Your son's friend or this other family may not have been homeowners with insurance coverage.

[BG and Gavin]

You have awesome suggestions and it was very kind of those with personal experience to step forward.  The only thing that I can add is regarding food.  How about an M&M Meats gift card? 

[Judy, Meg & Polly Wolly Doodle]

We lost everything to fire several years ago and here is the thing, everyone wants to help but the person with the loss finds it hard to articulate their needs, it is a very humbling experience.  As mentioned earlier the inventory it the nightmare, so maybe some notebooks to start making lists and some time to help with the thought process.  A different notebook for each room?  Some old catalogs or sale fliers.  Our insurance lady told us to sit down with catalogs because they help trigger memories of what you had.  Trying to 'think' through every drawer, cabinet and closet is a joke.  Years after the fire we still thought of things that were lost. 

While staying with family or in hotel lodging it is very handy to have restaurant gift cards.

Until they find their new home there is not a lot of things you can replace, it is hard to find a place to store it all or to know what their most immediate needs are other than clothing and that needs some immediate help.

Our local churches came with handmade quilts and we still love those quilts, something very comforting about being offered love and warmth at that time.

I hope your friends come out well, I know we would not have recovered near as well if it had not been for the kindness of others. 

[Laurie, Wally & Charlotte]

My girlfriends actually collected recipes for me, just like you mentioned.  They presented them to me at a "kitchen shower," once my family moved into a rental home, where I would have room to store everything.  I cherish those recipes and the personal notes that people wrote on them.  I forgot about that until your comment triggered my memory.  That's one of the good memories from that time.  Also, when friends prepared food for us to have for dinner, many of them told us to keep the casserole dishes and serving platters as gifts.  I love to use those items now, and remember the generosity of the people who encouraged us to eat when we had no appetite.  

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Thanks for all the great advice. This has really put things in perspective and given me some great ideas of what I can do for them. It's so great to have a community like DK to lean on in times like this. It's sad to see so many people have gone through similar things. I know there will be a silver lining somewhere in all of this, perhaps the opportunity to start fresh or reconsider what is truly valuable, but right now I can not even imagine how hard this would be. I'm heading out first thing in the morning and she will be getting a few goodies from me to help comfort her, but most importantly a great big hug and a shoulder to cry on.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

If you have any pictures that include them, I would quickly get them copies and start an album. I would get them a gift card to the nearest all-purpose store like Target. If they love to read, take books. If you have anything you could stand to part with - a second computer, printer, purse, whatever, take it. Second hand things will be welcomed I am sure.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Sherri, it is awful, I am sorry for them.

My friend also lost everything to a house fire (including a cat)...you just put your arms around them and give them a heartfelt sorry.

I gave her a card with $ for incidentals....the insurance took care of their big needs like hotels and clothing allowance.

[Kyoko]

My teenage client's home was burned down on the new years eve one year, and they lost everything including their beloved dog. Once we were permitted to enter the burned down house, we corrected some pieces of items ( such as piece of earing, and any other small items we could find, and meant something ), and created the memory album. We talked about memories related to the items and sort of put closure to it.