I Just Solved all the DK Problems!!

Today on my walk with the dogs I was thinking about the past couple of weeks on DK and a few things that have been bothering me. I think I have come up with a fair solution and a way to make things better. One of the biggest complaints on DK is the number of times repeat questions are asked in the open forum, instead of using the search engine to see if we have discussed the topic before. It gets tiresome to see the same questions over and over and makes some of us grumpy. It is also not fair that the same people have to answer the same questions over and over again and then get to hear that they were not nice enough or welcoming. Well, on my walk today I figured out that we should have different members assigned to different areas of expertise and they field those questions. Now mind you, there may be room for improvement on some of what gets assigned to whom, but I figured we could work on this group together and get the list down pat. So far, this is what I have come up with.

Dog Food -any questions about dog food, we know who the go to gal is for that and it would have to be Karen, however since there are a ton of questions per day about this subject, she needs help. F, we miss your hokums, and this is where you are going to be invaluable. If you see any questions on food that you know do not make sense, we need you to issue one of your hokums with the corresponding graphic.

Please find a way to do this nicely and if you need an assistant Hokumer, please feel free to pick anyone but me, because I am far too busy.

Graphics & Innovative Comments – This is a no brainer, because nobody ~~wastes more time~~ does this better than Sheila (and Finnley) with her different colored fonts, squiggles, funny faces, and blinking things, than our own Sheila. Sheila, if you see a question about how to do comments like yours ~~and I doubt you ever will,~~ please handle that question.
Where do you find a good breeder of Mini Great Daihuahuas? – Another no brainer, because Allyson (Peri) has a Chihuahua and has just had a baby, so she can explain breeding these two dogs,

making birth look something like this:

Allyson, thank you for your help.

Apple Cider Vinegar questions - I want to do my part and I know I speak for Ricki (and Tara) when I say she will help me, so we will handle all of these questions. I would like to clarify that F once told me I had to stick my head in a bucket of ACV for a couple of minutes in order to help with wrinkles, and I am sure that is not correct because I tried it and I still have wrinkles. If that is your question, don’t listen to F. I might need some help with some questions, but I should be able to Google it and get the right answers, since everything you read on the Internet is factual. Ricki, Could you handle any pH questions, since I flunked Acronyms in college? I once answered, “not right now, but what have you heard?” to someone when they wrote GAS to me, which I found out later means Got a Second?
Can my dog and I enjoy a morning cup of coffee together, y’all? - Doris, please don’t post these kinds of questions. We have told you a hundred times the answer is NO!
Training Questions - I could field some of these questions, but then we are going to have to form more new groups called Why Did I Listen to the Dog Yeller? and Who Wants my Untrained Doodle?, so I feel that all the good trainers in the Training group need to get into a sit/stay and put their heads together and divvy up questions. If you think you are a good trainer, ask yourself this one question, do you get up in the middle of the night with your dog and reward this annoying behavior with a treat? If the answer is YES, please give yourself a verbal correction and do not respond to training questions.
Grooming Questions - We have some great groomers on DK. We could have a designated groomer in each city nationwide and if your Doodle ever looks like this

or you admit publicly you do not have a Les Poochs brush or they simply don’t like your question, the designated groomer from your area is dispatched immediately to ~~confiscate~~ ~~your dog~~ help.

Coat Questions – It seems as if every day someone wants to know the coat type of their dog or puppy. Please refer them to this diagram.

Puppy Questions – Puppy behaviors seem to be the biggest surprise to new owners. I feel we need two responders for these questions and they should be a Good Cop/Bad Cop combination. The good cop can ooh and aah over the puppy and refer the poster to the Puppy Group, while giving them lots of hope that it gets better. The bad cop can chime in with the information that ALL puppies bite, pee, bite, poop, bite, misbehave, bite, chew, bite, destroy, bite, nip, and bite, so the poster can realize that they are not in the process of raising a Cujo. On second thought, the bad cop should probably respond first.
Photography - Questions about photography should be referred to the Photography group and let the knowledgeable people in that group field these questions. However, if the questions are, “How do I change lenses on my Polaroid Instamatic Camera?” or “Where can I find flashbulbs for this camera?”

please refer them to our new senior group called, “Newfangled Electronics are Killing me,” led by my mother.

Pet Insurance - We need to send Flo on the Progressive commercials a Doodle, so she can join DK and field all of these questions.
Neutering Your Dog – Our go to gal for this question should be Joanne (& Spud) because she spends a lot of time talking about Spud’s balls and photographing them.

Becoming a Back Yard Breeder – Easy peasy. We need to form a committee led by our own gun toting, Jane (Rooney & Stuart). When this question comes up, we will simply ask the poster to meet the group up at the nearest Animal Shelter. Please remind the poster to look for the group wearing masks, carrying billy clubs and bolas, and holding a sign that says, “we neuter idiots for free!”
Multiple ~~Dudes~~ Doods – anyone involved in a threesome or more should answer.
Working Dog Owners – Lisa (and Daisy) should answer these questions because no one spends more time commenting on every discussion while telling us she misses everything because she works full time. Hopefully, she has a list of tips she can share with other diligent workers about how she ~~gets away with this at work~~ manages her time.
Downton Abbey, PBS Shows, Big Words that Nobody Understands, Hoisted by your own Petard Problems, Lost Comment Complaints, Science ~~Crap~~ Questions– Not everything is about dogs on DK and from time to time we have posters that hijack discussions about these non-related to dog issues. If you don’t know the initial of the person who should answer these questions, (and allow me to channel this person), you are not very perspicacious.

I have given this my best shot, and I could go on and on, but I never like to overstay my welcome. In conclusion, let’s see a show of hands from everyone that would like an eject button for any member that gets on our nerves. For example, if someone posts a picture repeatedly after being asked to stop, a tribal council would meet to decide if they might vote that person off DK. The only thing that could save them is if they have an immunity necklace photo shopped on a picture by their daughter.