Need help with transitioning new puppy into our home. Miah is NOT happy!

[Judy Gordon]

We picked up our new Doodle puppy yesterday. Ripley is gorgeous -a different genotype with much straighter hair than Miah. We are pleased to be Guardians to this handsome pup. He is 15 weeks old.

We took Miah with us to pick him up so they could meet on neutral territory, and they seemed to get along fine, playing together. Miah was very loving and gentle toward the puppy, that is, until we piled into the car. On the ride home I sat in the back and in the middle of the two because Miah growled when they were side by side. She glared at the puppy the whole way while the puppy happily chewed on a small bully stick and took a nap. I had my arm around Miah for most of the 1.5 hour drive home and gently talked to her reassuring her that she would always be my girl and how much I love her. She finally relaxed enough to put her head in my lap.

At home, we all went outside right away and they ran around and played and I even got a few photos of them sitting together. I'm thinking how great it was that they were getting along. I thought Miah played a bit rough a few times and gently told her to "play nice". Ripley was holding his own for a 15lb puppy against a 45lb two year old. As the evening wore on I sensed Miah's anxiety which she showed by avoiding him, placing herself between me and the pup, and growling when Ripley approached her. At bedtime, they both were in bed with hubby and me for a while, and suddenly Miah growled in a way I had never heard before, startling Ripley who cowered at edge of the bed. Then I said NO, firmly and made Miah look at me while I talked to her. I spoke calmly yet firmly but it was very upsetting. She then jumped off the bed and we didn't see her again until morning.

This morning she did it again. This time I put her in her crate (door open) and told her to STAY. A few minutes later I called her and she completely ignored me. Obviously Miah is showing resentment, protectiveness maybe, and resource guarding which she NEVER did before. She has not an aggressive bone in her body. This behavior may be common but we want to nip this in the bud right away. How can we address this without punishing Miah or traumatizing Ripley? Your sage advice is greatly needed and appreciated. Thanks!

[Jennifer Tramell]

Congratulations on your new addition!  You mentioned twice that when the dogs are together without your involvement (before the car ride and outside at home), they get along fine.  This shows me that they will do fine together, you might be the unwitting catalyst for the problems. 

I just have a couple of thoughts.  Giving Miah extra attention could add to the problems rather than help them; dogs don't think or feel the same as people and they often interpret our actions in ways other than what was intended.  By giving Miah extra attention, you are trying to reassure her that she hasn't lost your love.  In Miah's mind, however, it could signal that something HAS changed - you are acting differently.  She may feel that you are appointing her "the boss" and when you correct her for "taking charge", that could be confusing.

Also, it isn't really Miah's house that Ripley is joining - it's your house of which both dogs are members.  You say who does what, not Miah.  If you want Ripley on the bed and Miah growls, I would make Miah get off the bed until you invite her back on the bed.  It isn't her bed, it's yours.   If Ripley is annoying Miah on the bed, I would make Ripley get off.  If you tell Miah to come and she doesn't, I'd snap the leash on her and give a mini "come" lesson.  I wouldn't make her look at you while you talk to her.  I've seen people do this but I don't consider it effective, in fact, I think it is probably threatening to the dog.

I have 3 dogs and I've always allowed my dogs to growl at each other.  Growling is one way that dogs communicate - it's an important social skill.  I've seen dogs get nipped because they didn't understand to back off when another dog growled.  Ripley is an annoying puppy and Miah needs to tell him to leave her alone.  If Ripley has been with his mother and littermates, he's been growled at, snapped at, and nipped - trust me.  I would not allow Miah to growl at Ripley because she is being possessive of you, but if the interaction is just between the 2 dogs, I'd allow growling.  My Charlotte still growls occasionally at Tessa, that's okay, I growl at my family too sometimes ;-)

I would not let Ripley take a toy that Miah has and I would not let Miah take something that Ripley has.  Unless Ripley is showing dominant behavior, I would not always feed Miah food or treats first, I would alternate.  Miah needs to know that they are equals.  If Miah goes off to "pout", don't worry about it - she's a dog not a person.  She's not thinking up evil plans, she's just finding a nice place to sleep.  Don't personalize what is going on, dogs don't think that way.   I think you are feeling sorry for Miah and she is taking advantage of that.  She's a smart girl but I know you can out-smart her! 

[Pam Thomas]

I agree with Jennifer. I think they need to be treated as equals other than how they figure out themselves.

[Judy Gordon]

There is a lot of wisdom in your reply and you've given me a lot to think about. Ripley, at 3 months is already asserting himself. I'm sure he was growled at or nipped before we got him. He takes Miah's toys, bully sticks, tries to eat her food and jumps on whatever bed she just left. If we call her, he rushes in. He can be annoying and she needs to put him in his place. On the other hand, he will be minding his business and she will start something that at first looks like rough housing but escalates to him barking and trying to bite. Our trainer recommended distracting them when they get into it and reinforcing Miah's training. She's had quite a bit and we've been lax about it. She also recommended separating them (crating both of them with treats) to give us all a break even when we're home. We have allowed Miah to "rule the roost" and now we have two smart dogs calling the shots. We need to take back our home. Thanks for the "reality check." Now I have to go make their dinner ;)

[Cyndi, The Boys & Callie]

A little late to the party but for what it's worth, our experience was very similar to Lucy/Annabelle.  We had Tank and Sully who were 4 months apart in age and grew up together.  Tank was alpha, Sully was very mellow and they loved each other from the minute we brought Sully home.  Being naive, I thought that same thing would happen when Beau came a year later.  Not so much.  Sully gave in after a few hours.  Tank hated Beau, growled for no reason and could not stand to be near him or for Beau to be near me.  I spent several nights crying and worried that we had made the wrong decision.  I finally decided this was my house/my rules.  We hired a trainer who came to the house so the boys were in their regular environment and set out to remind Tank who made the house payments.  I refused to tolerate growling/snapping for no reason.  I knew that Tank was the alpha and deserved respect and, as a puppy, Beau had to learn manners.  When that was happening, I said nothing.  When Tank was being a bully, he got a firm (but in no shape form or fashion hurtful) tug on his scruff and a firm "no".  The rules started to be enforced.  When it came time to sit with me, it was first come, first serve. No cutting in front because you're alpha (it took one day to learn the first come first serve rule) and everyone got their turn.  I noticed some changes almost immediately.  In a few weeks, I wasn't crying and the boys were happy.  Everyone found their place in the pack.  Sully is a couch potato and never liked Tank's rough play.  Beau loves rough play. Now, Sully sits on the chaise watching Tank and Beau play for hours.  Beau knows that Tank is alpha and give him that respect.  But, they are now BFFs and will curl up together on the same doggie bed to sleep.  Something I never in my dreams thought I would see.  

The best advise I can give really echoes everyone else's', you are the pack leader. Your house/your rules. Just like when my kids were young. I figured out when to let them work it out on their own and when to step in.  I found it important to make it clear that everyone got some of my time, but again there were rules.   Good luck 

[Judy Gordon]

Thanks Cyndi. I've enjoyed reading everyone's stories and appreciate the support. I'm in awe of those of you who have more than 2 dogs. It's been quite an ordeal adjusting to a new pup. We had forgotten all the things we had to do when we brought home Miah. But we have no regrets. We have two wonderful dogs and our job is to give them a good home, teach them good manners and love them for as long as we can. Ripley is learning boundaries even as I compose this reply, and Miah seems to be feeling more secure, at least that's how it appears from my human perspective. I'll check in with an update in a few days. Thanks!

[Stella]

I have two doodles, Hartley is 6 1/2 and Chase is 5 1/2. We got Chase when Hartley was just over a year old. Sadly, they do not get along. Most of the time, they tolerate each other, but they have had several fights, two of which led to Hartley having to go to the vet for stitches (the most recent one was six months ago). It has taken a lot of hard work to keep them living together, and there were times I thought about putting Chase up for rehoming. I always dreamed of having two dogs that got along, loved each other, slept together etc. and it makes me sad that my two don't do this. It has made me question if I would ever have two dogs in the future because I wouldn't want to live through the fights again.

[Lynda Kamrath]

I really wouldn't know how to deal with this since we have basically the opposite.  We always have at least two dogs and they are very bonded with each other.  This has been especially true with doodles.  I don't feel that there has been an alpha dog among my doodles and they love to have the company of another dog.  We had a standard poodle when our old shepherd died, and he was beside himself with grief.  I got him a doodle puppy and he came right out of it.  When the poodle was getting old, I got the doodle a goldendoodle puppy so he would not go through the same thing.  He took right over with that puppy and they were very bonded.  He did not even seem to notice when the poodle passed away.  However, when the labradoodle died, the goldendoodle went through the same grief and would not even look out the window.  We got him an ALD puppy and the same when the goldendoodle died.  The ALD would just walk behind us with his head down (obviously grieving) and we had to get him a companion.  So, I would say if a dog is raised with another dog from puppyhood, they are very bonded.  We thought Harpo would be a fine only dog, but he definitely was not.  Only dogs, alpha dogs, and little packs.  I guess they each have their own dynamics.