Struggling with family member regarding our possible addition

[jenn D]

So on Saturday (changed from Friday) we go to assess this golden doodle and see how he gets along with our boys. If it's a match, awesome. If not, we know we can help find him a loving home and at least he is safe from the no kill shelter.

Things are going well except when I told my mother about what was happening. She was very upset. She did not think we should add another doodle and proceeded to tell me I was crazy, not thinking things through and basically a dog hoarder.

I am so upset by her reaction although I did expect it. She had a fit when we got Jake and then pickles. It doesn't matter that I've had tons of compliments on how well behaved our three are, or how my house is still clean and organized with 3 dogs. It doesn't seem to matter that I give them quality food, plenty of attention, brush daily and even learned how to groom and that I carry pet insurance on each. She doesn't seem to care that I go to lengths everyday to train each of them and socialize them. Her words have made me feel terrible. Now I am worried I will be seen as crazy dog lady (although I probably already am) and that she will continue to criticize.

I'm not sure why I am posting this. I guess I am trying to get my head cleared. I don't think my mom understands that as a stay at home mom, my passion is training and being with my 4 legged creatures when my 2 legged ones are at school.

You would think after my daughter battled leukemia and beat it I wouldn't give a darn about what someone thought about my life choices that bring joy. Unfortunately, I do when it comes to a few people.

Thank you for listening. I'm going to go back and play with the three dogs I've "hoarded".

Jenn

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Ha! My mother thinks I should have NO DOGS, ever, as they are expensive.  Whatever.  She doesn't live here.  My life, my dog (s)   Nuff Said

Dont get me wrong, I have the most level headed mother in the world but this is the same mother who told my sister to give up her dogs as a solution.  Of course, I told her she was dead wrong and I wanted to hear no more.  My sister thought so too.    I think it may be one of the few times I totally disagree with her

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Jenn, I know that nothing I say is going to change that feeling inside, and I know that feeling all too well. I tried to get my mother's approval for 55 years. I never got it, and I understand now that if I'd been able to try for 155 years, I still wouldn't have gotten it. Our world views were just too different. I've tried to make peace with the fact that she loved me anyway, even if she didn't like the way I thought or the way I lived. 

I hope you can, too. :)

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

:)

And I thank the dog poop bag every day I live with a dog and not my wonderful and loving mother.  

[Diane, Baker & Oskar]

I lost my mom when I was 32 and, like you, always wanted her approval.  I think that's natural, but you are a woman who is successfully raising her family and do not need your mother's approval to do something wholesome that affects only your family.  I learned a great lesson from my mother-in-law...she lived to 95 and never, never gave her opinion about anything we did.  I try to emulate her when it comes to my own kids & their families.  In a kind way, you should gently tell your mom you appreciate her concern, but you will be getting the dog if you want it.  End of discussion.  

You have a big heart & no one should ever fault you for that...make you decision based on your family:)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jenn, My mom just said to me this week that I am obsessed with my damn dogs :) She is right. I love them dearly and cannot imagine my life without them. When I added Vern, I was almost afraid to tell her, but in the end, it is my life. When I got Fudge, I wrote her a letter, so I didn't have to hear it :) LOL Live your life. It sounds like your dogs are great. I can't even say I get compliments on my two dog's behavior :) Agree to disagree and enjoy your dogs. As a mom, I can think of a whole lot worse that you could be doing.

[Robin and Libby Louise]

I hate when anyone disapproves of what I have decided to do, much less my mother!  Not that I make my decisions based upon others, but I totally get what you are saying and feeling.  You know what is good for you and your family, so you have to balance that with the feelings your mother's opinions bring out.  I may not know you personally, but I have total respect for how you are bringing up your family.  I can't imagine you making a decision that would be harmful or wrong.  Have faith in your decisions - it seems like you have made all the right ones so far!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

I was 21 when I had my first baby and when my  Mum came to the hospital to see her first grandchild she said ' Do you not think you should have waited a few years to have a baby' That's what she said!!! It took me years to forgive her and to get to a point where could laugh at the hurtful things she said. We ended up having a great relationship when I stopped expecting her to be a Mom and accepted her for who she was.  I know this is very hurtful right now but you must do what you feel is right and try to let this pass. I hope like me that your relationship will improve over time. For now just vent here if you need to :)

[Gail and Bailey]

I understand what it is like to be on the receiving end of a mother's disapproval and I encourage you to step back and think only of what is right for you and your husband and kids.  It sounds like you deserve to be able to live your passion and enjoy having and training all the dogs you wish!      When my daughter was one year old (now 40), her father and I split up and I told my mother we were getting divorced.  The first words out of her mouth were "Why are you doing this to me?"  Her concern was what people would think.....not what was best for me.  I was strong and knew what was best for me and for my daughter and I followed through and got on with my life.  A year later I married a wonderful guy and he adopted my daughter and we are still happily married.  Mom realized after a while what a great dad her granddaughter got and she never got tired of telling him how glad she was that we married.  

It just takes some people a little time to accept things!  

Live your passion....you have lots of us here who totally understand!

[William]

I say follow your heart. My mother flipped on me too when I got my dogs (each time) not to mention what I paid for them! But you know that you are without a doubt a great and responsible pet owner, and like Karen mentioned, sometimes we can't get approval from even the closest people in our lives. Not sure if this helps you,but I'm sure you will make the right choice (for you) ;-)

[Lynda Kamrath]

Oh, well.  My mom is pretty much the same way.  She complains about every dog I get and says why would I want another dog.   But I just shrug it off and ask "Do you want to come to my house or not?"  She always wants to come and just has to accept my dogs.  Don't let it bother you.  Our parents, unfortunately, remember when dogs were outside animals and never came into the house.  They tend to still prefer it that way.  Don't let it get you upset and maybe recommend that she go to the SPCA if she really wants to see what hoarding looks like.  It is not three doodles in a household.

[Linda, Charlie Brown and Beau]

Jenn ~ Somewhere it should be written - "mothers and fathers should not crush their children's feelings"!  I was fortunate to have a very loving, nurturing Mother who passed away when I turned 33 and I have tried to model myself after her.  That being said, I have too many friends who find themselves struggling with their mothers words.  As you can see from all the wonderful responses you are receiving, you are not alone!  It may be that it is not possible to gain her acceptance on some issues!  If you were my daughter, I would say follow your heart - if you and your husband are on the same page that is what really matters.  After all it is your life, so live it to the fullest.  

[jenn D]

Thank you all my doodle friends :) I appreciate the support.