In need of support!

[Nikki & Charlie]

So Charlie has started training on Saturday and I'm already having a hard time adjusting. We are taking him to someone who I swear is the dog whisperer lol he's wonderful. He's saved so many dogs who were going to be put down for their aggressive behaviour and has re-trained them and basically saved them. He has 30 years experience and over 5, 000 hours of training, approved by vets, etc.

I have extremely high hopes and I know that he's going to do an amazing job with charlie!! But as Charlie's 'mother' and owner, it is so hard for me to see this training take place and to challenge him in a way that he's never been challenged before. I know I'm just being sad for Charlie and this is going to benefit him in the long run, but I'm finding myself having a difficult time right now.

I'm hoping others can relate... and that it gets easier as the weeks go on! Ugh.

[Adina P]

Tell us more! What are you having trouble with?

[BG and Gavin]

Yes please elaborate on what the training "looked like."

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

First of all....I think it's wonderful that you're starting Charlie in a training program, and I'm thinking that he's just about a year old, so that's perfect timing.  Am I right about his age?  What training method is your trainer using...is it something that you're not comfortable with?  Try not to be "sad" for Charlie.....the right kinds of training enrich a dog's life.  My experience is that they love learning and being challenged.  I kind of think without a few challenges life would get pretty boring for them.  So, as Adina asked, we'd love to hear more about your training program and why you have these concerns.  I also found that my relationship with my Doods grew so much stronger and our bond greater through our training.

[Nikki & Charlie]

It's not something that I am uncomfortable with. He's a phenomenal trainer! Actually he calls himself a behaviourst. He doesn't train with treats and he believes that controlling a dog should be 90% mental and 10% physical. He trains dogs to respect you and not only listen for treats which I think is wonderful. He is 1 year old! Well, he will be April 5th (tear! lol).

I guess I'm just having trouble with being actually being a leader and disciplining him and not being able to treat him how I've been so used to treating him for the last 10 months if that makes sense. Right now we're challenging him because he's so used to being the leader and it's clear he has no respect for me so because we're challenging him with that he seems confused and unsure because he's not used to being challenged, and I think I'm just having a hard time seeing him like this, if that makes sense.

So basically this week we are working on walking outside with a different leash that has been more effective. We challenge him now with eating, so we put his food down while holding on to his leash and making him be in a sitting position and we don't release him until he looks at us.

We are also working on his compliance with us, which is challenging for him because he thinks that he's the leader but this teaches him that I am the leader and he's supposed to comply with what I want him to do.. So you begin by putting your two thumbs on his collar under his chin and apply some pressure. Nothing too strong but enough to make him feel the pressure to lay down and the point is that he's supposed to lay down without a struggle, but instead he's fighting back (showing his dominance). It doesn't hurt him or anything but I feel bad challening him.. lol. I'm just a big suck.

Instead of him having the choice to jump on the couch whenever he wants, we are teaching him he has to ask for permission so he has to sit first and then look at us and we can say either "okay" or no. And also, we are teaching him that he cannot get attention when he's excited - only when he's calm. This will help with him jumping on us / other people as well and for him to know that he needs to settle down before he gets any attention or treats or food.

These are little things that I know in the long run are going to help him but it's just hard for me because I'm so used to letting him do (mostly) whatever he wants.. lol. And it seems that he's kind of moping around the house but I guess he's just super confused as to why he's not getting his way with everything.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Okay I do understand.  My first Doodle, Guinness, was easy to train and loved learning.  My second Doodle, Murphy, was a real pushy guy who really wanted to be in charge....and he tried many times.  His behavior quickly deteriorated and I knew something had to change.  I hired a new trainer who taught me HOW to be Murphy's leader.  It was about more than training commands....it was about how I interacted with him all the time.  I had to learn to control his food and make him wait.   I had to learn to withhold all affection until he earned it.  I had to stop allowing him on the furniture and bed uninvited.  I had to teach him that he needed to look to me to tell him what to do...all the time.   It was very, very hard for me.  The affection part was particularly difficult, especially when he'd sit and stare at me.  But I followed through with it, because I was afraid that if I didn't I would end up with a dog that I couldn't manage, and that would be a disaster for both of us.  I will tell you that he's a different boy now.  He still has a few issues when he passes some other dogs on-leash, but 99% of the time he's amazing.  It was so worth it.  I would encourage you to try to get a little "tough" knowing it's for Charlie's own good.  Please feel free to come back to this discussion when you're feeling discouraged.  I have been there, and it wasn't always easy.

[Nikki & Charlie]

YES! You nailed it. Withholding affection until he earns it - that is SOOOO hard for me. Oh my god I am struggling with this because I am used to smothering him with hugs and kisses and now I need to make him earn it... it's sooo foreign lol.

You made me feel soooo much better. Thank you thank you thank you!! I'm glad someone can relate lol. And I'm glad that it turned out to be very positive for you!! I'm hoping the same thing for me.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I remember when I would actually have to go into the other room because I couldn't tell Murphy "NO" when he would come over to me to be petted.  He would lean against me or put his paw on me and I just wanted to cuddle him....but I knew I couldn't.  I so wanted Murphy to be like Guinness....I wanted him to be an easy, sweet Doodle.  The thing is that wasn't who he was....and now I wouldn't change a thing about him.  Keep it up the good work!

[Laura and Angus]

I just wanted to share that I just read through this and thought...this is Angus. My boyfriend says the same thing. I feel for both of you because it is TOUGH sometimes. We are currently working on getting on furniture only when invited. I'm just wondering, how did you work on this? Sometimes at night, Angus will get up on the bed and it takes us a little bit to put him back on the floor because we're having to wake up out of sleep...

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

For us it was just patience and consistency.  If they jumped on the bed I would get up, take their collar, and remove them while saying a firm "NO".  It really didn't take more than a few times for them to learn not to jump up on the bed or furniture.  When I want them to come up (usually if I'm just reading in bed) I call them by name and say "up".  They know exactly what that means. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

When a dog understands what to expect from you and what is expected from him, it makes his whole world feel safer and more secure. Training is how you accomplish that. 

[Deborah Brown]

I'm a little uncomfortable with your description of training.  If he is a "dog whisperer" ala Caesar Milan then he is likely using adversive training - punishments, pain, to make a point.  I don't think any dog benefits from learning to be afraid of you.  Dogs can learn respect and appropriate behavior without intimidation.  It sounds like your gut is telling you that this is wrong and if so, please listen.

Anyone can call themselves a behaviorist these days.  Look for a trainer who only uses positive reinforcement.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I certainly respect your thoughts on this.  I will have to say with some dogs (like my Murphy) the positive only method is not effective in addressing their behavioral issues.  To be honest, if I had continued with a positive only approach there is not a doubt in my mind that my Murphy would have bitten someone and he would not be with me today.  I love the positive only approach when it works....it was perfect for my Guinness.  Murph is not at all afraid of me, but he respects me and looks to me to tell him what to do.  He has IBD and isn't allowed any treats, so a food reward training approach would not be a solution for him.  Again, I'm not disagreeing that this approach works well for some dogs....but not all IMO.