Bonding with Maggie

[Stacy]

Let me preface this by saying that I know how ridiculous it sounds. But I would like to hear other people’s experiences with bringing home a new rescue. I think it will help.

I don’t think Maggie likes me. She’s been here 3 weeks. And she likes me, that’s not the right phrasing. We are getting along well. She seeks attention. She follows me around. She even asked to go outside last night and I understood! But I don’t think she loves me. I don’t think she trusts me. And I have the distinct impression that she feels like a visitor here waiting for her real mommies to come back and get her.

I adore her. I want us to have a mutual love fest. I’ve been spending time with her. Trying to give her space to figure things out and decide that she wants to come to me. I’ve fed her by hand and given her a million treats (probably a few too many.) I encourage her to come be near me, but then let her go when she wants to leave 3 seconds later. She loves to go for rides so I take her with me when I can. We play ball in the yard. We’ve gone for walks. We’re waiting for our training class to start.

I’m not sure if I’m missing something, or maybe I’m trying too hard. Or possibly she just isn’t going to be the dog who wants to hang out with me on the couch. But from what her foster mom’s tell me she was that dog with them. I want her to like me too. I think it’s hard because no one will ever be Ava, and I miss what I had with her so much. I don’t want Maggie to be Ava. I just want her to be just like Ava. I know, ridiculous.

So tell me I’m expecting too much too soon. Tell me that it takes 2 months, or 3 months, or that our obedience class will be the thing that will bond her to me. I just want to be closer to her. The stinky hound dogs that I transported yesterday were more excited to see me than she is. I got major kisses from them. Sloppy dog tongue in my mouth!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

You and Maggie are going to be a great team. 

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Just give her time.  She has been bounced around a lot.  Take some training classes and just keep doing what you are doing.  You two will find your way.  I still miss Roo so badly, I cry nearly everyday.  But Murphy is worming her way into my heart and I into hers.   All will be well, I promise.

[Stacy]

It's so hard to say goodbye to the ones we love. It's a good thing that our hearts are big enough to do it again. 

Maggie's trainer came today and I really like him. He feels like she is shy and fearful enough that we are starting with just confidence building games. Go into the crate to eat treats, jump on and off the bed and couch, go find a treat, come back for another treat, and watch me. And when I say treat, I mean her kibble. She's not supposed to eat out of a bowl for the next 30 days. All of her food comes from our games. 

She has an appointment on Monday to get checked for a UTI. It would be amazing if that was the source of our potty problems. 

And she's going to start at doggy daycare while I'm at work. They aren't open as late as I work, but they are going to bring her home and drop her off in the evening. She will still be home alone a little bit, but not as long. And she'll get to play with other dogs. She loves dogs. 

I definitely feel like we are taking baby steps in the right direction. I can't go back in time and make sure she's properly socialized, but we can still make a lot of progress going forward. 

[Joani, Skadi & Elli]

Wow!  Fantastic!  Maggie went to the right home this time!  Treats, training games, doggie day care!  Super.  That is so nice to have a service that will bring your dog to your home.  Keep us up to date on her visit Monday...and yes it would be great if it was the source of her problems.  Love hearing the progress.

[Stacy]

It's so interesting. I swear I can see her processing things. And these are very low pressure games. It's basically eat the food in different places. But it seems to be mentally exhausting, because she crashed as soon as we finished. 

It is really great to find someone who can bring her home. Otherwise the timing just doesn't work. And I'm hoping that when she comes home she will be so tired she won't need to pee on the carpet. It's weird to hope that she has a UTI, but since I'm not finding potty training to be super easy it sure would help me! 

[Amy and Annabelle]

Training wears them out, even if it is just for 20 minutes or so. I hope the potty issues get resolved soon, whatever the source of it is. 

[Carolyn Shusterman]

Stacy, Would it be possible for them to put Maggie in your kitchen or other room with vinyl or tile floor?  Having full run of your house with carpet she has already soiled will be too much of a challenge for her not to use again.  I think this would be setting her up for failure.  

[Stacy]

Unfortunately, keeping her in the kitchen has proven pretty much impossible. She's pretty sneaky and doesn't like being locked out of half the house. 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Your plan of action is wonderful - day care, wonderful trainer.  I’d be tempted to put a door on the kitchen. 

[Stacy]

I've been thinking about doors. The kitchen doorway is 46 1/2 inches wide. I'm not sure if that would have to be a custom door, and I don't really want something there permanently. I think I would like one of the barn doors that slide. but I need to investigate. If she can push on it from the bottom I would be terrified that she would try to get through it and get her head stuck underneath. I don't know anyone who has one so I need to do some research. 

[Lisa Raskind]

It is so hard to lose a beloved dog.  When we got our white golden retriever, Elphie, 9 years ago, we kept comparing her to our previous golden.  We thought Elphie was aloof, and didn't like affection.  And now, even as we have our new 11 week old Hana, we still cry about Elphie every day (she died of cancer last September).  As she matured, she would still turn her head away when we tried to kiss her, but boy was she bonded to us.  She was beside one of us every moment of the day, and when I was downstairs and my husband was upstairs, she took her position on the middle of the staircase, so she could see us both.  We feel she was our heart dog, but it didn't happen overnight.  We had to learn about her and she us.  She showed her love in different ways, and we never doubted it.  I think we will always miss her.

So, we try to move on and love Hana, but it isn't instantaneous.  I guess what I am getting at is that, as others have said, it all takes time.  Maggie will come to know that you are her person and will do anything for her.  And it's ok to grieve for Ava.   Our hearts have opened to contain our tears for Elphie, and our newly forming love for Hana.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Lovely, Lisa.