Visiting My Parents, They Don't Like Dogs...

[Camilla and Darwin]

I have a problem. My parents have never been big animal fans, but inside dogs are a BIG no no at there house. We live fairly close (about an hour away) and sometimes when we go, they want us to stay for a long time, even overnight.

Darwin is an indoor dog, and they know that. They always make suggestions like "Why don't you tie him up in the backyard (because it's not fenced in) or "Can't you just put him in the garage?" (It's basically a chemical and tool death-trap for dogs) I always make sure he is clean, and he has great house manners but I don't want to push them. Recently, I asked them if he could come be in the house, but only in the kitchen area, on a leash tied to the doorknob. They allowed it, but were hesitant and my dad made comments about building a heated doghouse outside.

I would love it if they would accept letting him be in the house, of course near me so I can watch him. I don't want to cause problems... but it is a really big hassle to have to put him in doggy daycare or board him every time we stay for longer than six hours. I don't want to just tie him up in the backyard, especially when it is muddy and snowy outside. Also, my parents live in a rural neighborhood where there are a TON of unleashed, wandering dogs which may or may not be vaccinated and friendly. I don't feel it's safe for him to be back there for long periods of time, without the yard being fenced in.

Any advice? Should I just keep boarding him, or should I try and get them to accept him being in the house? How should I approach this?

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Truer words have never been spoken.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I agree with most of what you said. I lied to the dogs and told them thanksgiving was Friday and they took it like the gospel truth. I would have liked to bring them to the family gathering but in truth it's more relaxing without them in someone else's domain.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Just an update. I had a discussion with my parents today. I have to admit I am a little disappointed, but I know they are trying their best to compromise, so I am grateful for that. They told me an acceptable alternative is to build a kennel/dog-run in the garage (after they clear it out for him) and keep him in there. My mom said she is fine with having him tied up in the kitchen or laundry room, but that is a little too far for my dad. I am still not really comfortable with leaving him in a dog run in the garage... mainly because I want him to be inside with us. I suppose that we may have to stay at the in-laws overnight and make a really early morning trip for Christmas morning and things like that.

What do you think, would leaving Darwin in the garage in a kennel be stressful for him? I am not sure if I am too overprotective or worried... but it just doesn't seem like something I'm comfortable with.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I wouldn't be comfortable with that, either. Does this mean that he has to be in the garage kennel every minute he is there, other than when he is taken outside? You would have to go into the garage to see him or be with him?
It's pretty well known that it's not good for dogs to be isolated some place where they can't see anyone. That's why people use crates and baby gates instead of closing a dog up behind closed doors in a bathroom; the dog can be confined but still see his "pack" and be near them. Even in a boarding kennel, he would be able to see the other dogs, people walking around, etc. In the garage, he will be completely alone and isolated in an unfamiliar place, and I am sure he will be very confused and lonely. That sounds like a very stressful situation for a puppy to me.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Camilla, I'd make other arrangements. You will be stressed thinking about Darwin out in the garage alone, and won't be able to enjoy yourself. And he may very well bark or howl & upset everyone else. The best thing would be if you could get someone to stay at your house with him, or board him, or just not stay over at your folks' house. I am really sorry you are having so much stress over what should be a joyful family visit. I hope you can work out some other arrangements and have a happy holiday in spite of this.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Camilla, if your in-laws are ok with Darwin, I would stay there and go over to your family early. Perhaps you need to take a second look at your in-laws traditions and take part in some of their celebrations if they are more welcoming of you and Darwin. You actually need to do this anyway. As the mother of a married son, I absolutely treasure my daughter-in-law and will go to great lengths to make her welcome. I appreciate that they do lots of things with us - even spending Christmas Eve with us, sleeping over at our house and spending Christmas Day with us. One of the major reasons - we totally accept their 3 dogs as part of our pack. Her family just isn't able to absorb that many people and dogs and we are. Any special Christmas decorations won't be put in puppy range and if any others get chewed - so what.
I would be willing to bet that Darwin would bark, howl, whine and not make himself a welcome guest if the garage and aloneness is not the treatment he is used to. This would not be the way to get your parents to accept him.

[shelly]

I agree - I KNOW that Tori would bark and cry and who knows what else just to get inside with us! Good luck. Decide what's more important - your tradition with your parents, keeping Darwin WITH you, or boarding him and keeping peace. As I know in my family, this would probably start a lot of behind my back discussion - and sometimes me doing what I truly don't want to do and making myself uncomfortable and disappointed to please others is MY" M.O." - and THAT'S not good either!!! Try to start NOW to stand up for yourself and your own feelings - the longer you wait to do that the harder it gets to start!

[Camilla and Darwin]

We do Christmas with both families, actually. Since my husband does not have young siblings (his youngest is 16, mine is 8) his family wakes up and opens presents much later than mine. What we have done in the past is woken up done presents with my family, are done by about ten, and then head to his family's house for their celebration. I agree that I will probably have to stay the night over there, and leave for my parents at around four or five in the morning.

Yes, they mean for him to stay in there every minute except for outdoor breaks... which is really not what I expected... I thought they would be a little more yielding. I think what I am going to do is tell them we aren't really comfortable with that, and tell them that we will be happy to come visit, but only for short enough times that we can crate Darwin. I will also talk to my in-laws, it is possible they would be okay with tending him INSIDE...

The real issue for me here is that I always had this dream of my parents realizing how much time and effort I put into raising a well behaved dog, and accept him into our family. It may happen... but it will probably take a lot longer than I hoped for.

Thanks for all the advice. I definitely won't let this ruin the holiday season, there are always options!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Nancy, as always you are so nice. No wonder the kids choose to stay with you.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Thank you. I try very hard not to pull them but I am really, really lucky in the DIL department. She seems to enjoy our company. I even got to go wedding shopping for her dress when they got married. She said she would rather go with me. She comes from a very nice family but with lots of kids and extended family, maybe she feels sorry for our little group! Don't know, don't care but I am happy as a lark about it.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Do you think your parents would "soften" their position if they thought they wouldn't see you as often? Speaking as a parent of grown children, I'd do just about anything to make sure they were comfortable so they would keep wanting to visit. I've put up with some pretty obnoxious boyfriends over the years (with a big smile on my face) just so that my daughters would continue to want to be here with us. I'm thinking dogs are a "piece of cake".

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

My daughter sprung a guy with tatooed flames around his neck on us once!