Advice on how to be Assertive... For the Dog Park!?!?!

[Chelsea and Bailey]

Well let me just start by saying Assertiveness is not my strong suit.  I am on the shyer side and care what people think of me, so I tend to not speak up when in an uncomfortable situation. Lately I have been experiencing a couple of situations at work (I am a new RN) where a more experienced nurse- by about 20 years I might add, likes to talk down to me and treats me like im 12 years old (I look quite young for my age).  So I have been trying to work on my assertiveness and stand up for myself and learn proper techniques, but obviously i've failed miserably because now I am getting run over by people at the dog park!

 

The situation is this... I live in a smaller city, we only have one dog park and it has no member rules at all.  We have been taking Bailey 3-5x a week since she got her 16 week shots. She is now 6 months old.  I have noticed that there is a group of older women that congregate together with their dogs and are NOT friendly to any one else. Bailey will go up and play with their dogs, and she is a puppy so she is running and jumping and mouthing the dogs, and some of the woman will literally give me a dirty look and shoo her away.  Funny thing is, the doodle owners are the worst!!! There is one woman who is always there and owns a labradoodle, Bailey loves him and immediately goes to play with him and he is obviously older and not as playful, but I can tell her doesnt mind her, and this woman pushed Bailey away, then yelled at me to take my dog!  I am a firm believer that the dogs work out amongst themselves who likes who, and if the dog doesnt want Bailey around they will show it and Bailey will leave them.  It happened again today! I am so mad right now I want to report this stupid woman. I used to be more careful and was worried that the dogs owners would get annoyed with her jumping and playing with their dogs, but I soon realized that they can work things out on their own. Bailey is very submissive so if the dog shows any dominance she will back away.I think that if you dont want your dog to play with others, then dont bring them to the dog park!  On top of it they gossip about people and their dogs in the local dog boutiques, I have overheard more then a couple times. 

 

 

I guess I just want advice on what I should do or say... Or am I in the wrong to not respect their wishes on keeping Bailey away? What can I do or say in a respectful way that will help to ease the tension between the group and people like us.. the "outsiders".  It makes me feel bad about even going there.  Honestly, I think they use my age against me (just like in the above work situation), almost like my age is not accepted there and neither is my dog.  I am 22, yes I look 16, but I dont think that makes me an irresponsible dog owner, the whole reason I even go to the dog park is to get Bailey excercise and make sure she is socialized well... UGH. It makes me sad.

 

This is me and my DH on my 22nd Bday.

 

This is us at the Dog Park

 

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

I would never take you as being shy Adina, more just respectful

 

[Chelsea and Bailey]

Yes I agree completely.  Im definitely not letting her go to far.. I guess that is my opinion though as well.  She never barks, never jumps on people, stays close to me, comes when called, pees away from people, we pick up her poo, and only advances to the dogs that let her.  Sometimes we will go to the park and there are 20 dogs there and after going around meeting everyone once she may have only picked 1 or 2 dogs to play with, that also play back with her.  Its just too bad this womans labradoodle likes B too, or we wouldnt have such a problem with that whole "group".

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

They are probably intimidated by you.......you are young, you are intelligent, you have a great job, you are gorgeous, you have a gorgeous husband, Bailey is no doubt smarter and cuter than their dogs......just wait until they find out that to top it all off you are sweet as pie :)    Introduce yourself, introduce Bailey, and I bet things will turn around.

If not.......I can always come kick their #$@ for you !   LOL

[Michael Gurley]

Count me in!

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Michael...you and i are going to end up in jail one day, you know that?  LOL

 

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

I'll help!

[Michael Gurley]

I have experienced what you're describing at one of my local dog parks too! I'm 19 and look younger when I don't wear makeup (and who would put on make up to go to a dog park...). Sunny is a year and a half old, but she is still very energetic and playful. She's gotten a lot better about realizing who to play with and who doesn't want to play, but she still greets every dog with enthusiasm.

 

At the dog park I went to where I felt excluded and looked down upon, Sunny picked up on my feelings and ended up actually getting hurt. She was paying more attention to me than to the other dogs, and she got bitten in the face by another dog while she was trying to look at me. After that, I could hear all the ladies talking about Sunny's "over-excitement" and my "lack of experience with dogs" etc etc etc and I just wrapped Sunny up in my arms and left.

 

I'm lucky enough to have another dog park with very friendly dogs and owners (there are some exceptions) that is closer to me. Can you possibly find another dog park to take your pup to? I think it's important to feel comfortable with whatever park you go to, and of course the dogs will sort things out amongst themselves!! I've learned not to interrupt Sunny when she's playing with another dog unless one is hurting the other or looks like he/she might hurt the other.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I can't say anything better than Joanne, so all I will say is good luck. I don't know why women have to be like that, but it happens all the time.

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

I think Joanne has it right.  My husband has always said that people love to talk about themselves and are flattered when you ask them questions about themselves.  Compliment their dogs because we all go soft when we are talking about our dogs and ask them lots of questions.  Let them go on and on about themselves.  That is pretty much what Joanne is saying.  Most people are not so interested in you and not because there is anything wrong with you.  They just like themselves better and act snobby and like it is THEIR dog park.  Tell the owner of the dog that Bailey likes how much he likes him and seems to enjoy playing with him.  Then if they warm up you can start asking all kinds of dog questions.  Eventually they will turn around.  I have always been just like you.  Looked younger than my age...until now!!!  I also was always talked down to and treated like I didn't have a brain in my head.  It took me years and years...probably until 50 to start standing up for myself.  Even after raising two kids I was still being treated like a nobody.  I really think I got it from my mother because she always was on my case about everything and I was the perfect daughter and a goodie goodie until I finally stood up to her at 50ish.  And that was years ago!!!!  Good luck and keep us posted on how it turns out.  Does DH ever go to the park with you.  Maybe he should go with you and see how they treat you!

[Chelsea and Bailey]

Great advice.  DH has come many times with me, and funny thing is this particular woman will  pretend like she has never seen us before and comes up to us saying "Oh is that a goldendoodle puppy!!! How adorable!!... She has literally said this 5 times.  I wear the same coat there, havent changed my hair in awhile, I have come to the conclusion that at each time she says that she is with a different group of people, so its all a show. Ugh. Kyle has noticed as well.  Maybe I will ask her a bunch of questions about her dog and see where is goes from there...

 

Thanks again!

[Pat and Traveler]

So sorry you're having this problem!  Sounds like the women at the dog park have a clique, like in high school, and it gives them some perverse pleasure to ostracize you.  I like the advice about just going up to them when you first come into the park, and start talking, asking questions, commenting on the dogs.  Even if it's uncomfortable at first, they'd have to be REALLY off the charts rude to just ignore you.  I'd do it, not for myself, but for my dog.  As for the older nurse, you might try thanking her for advice or instruction, and if there's a time when you know she's wrong or if you disagree, point it out, in a nice but firm way.  We've probably all experienced these things, and not just in youth.  A group of young people can be pretty exclusive when there's an older person in the vicinity.  :) 

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Awwww Chelsea - I'm sorry that this is happening to you but I'm happy that you are asking how to be more assertive.  For me, it wasn't until I was in my early 40's that I decided that I was going to be more assertive and stick up for myself, it was liberating.  No more walking around thinking "I should have said this, why didn't I do that".  And I'm not talking about being rude, just the realization that I am in control of me and mine.  The realization that I am just an important, have just as valid thought, feelings and ideas. 

That said - I wish I knew the correct way to help you get to that point but I'm no expert.  I bet there are some good books that you could read that might give you ideas.  As far as the ladies at the dog park and I know this because I'm at one every single day and have one of the few younger dogs there, those ladies aren't there for their dogs to play - they are there for themselves to visit, gossip out of routine or whatever.  Introduce yourself and Bailey while mentioning that Bailey is a puppy and looking for playmates.  If their dogs won't play - make sure to take a ball or some other toys and try to get Bailey engaged with those.  Good luck to you - please let us know how you are doing!