Labradoodle & Goldendoodle Forum
Hi All,
I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends. I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears. However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers. A lot of people are asking questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments. Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited. Some are very helpful.
Sometimes people don't see previous posts. When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.
I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.
I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice. The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.
For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.
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I was always taught "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all". Lately I find myself reading posts and saying nothing - because no matter how I try to sugar coat it - the truth is going to hurt. I admit when I was a new member - boy there were some of you that I was down right scared of - I did NOT want to be on the receiving end of some of what was said! After being on for a longer period of time - I realize now that those being "harsh" were saying what needed to be said, should have been said, and was obvious. So sorry, if you come on a dog web-site and start claiming that you just can't understand why Spot is so out of control when you know you have not spent 10 minutes of training time or you just had octuplets and now you are being "forced to give up your cherished family member, your beloved doodle" because you think you are too busy now. It goes on and on and on. I'm not saying being rude is o.k. but the truth hurts sometimes. If you ask our opinion, it isn't our job to put frosting on a turd. Just my humble opinion and I'm typing it as nicely as I can ;)
And the fact is these people are asking for advice and opinions. It would in fact be a disservice if they only got to hear the positive side of things because people may opt out of saying the hard truths.
Dh has corrected me - I'm supposed to say it isn't our job to "put lipstick on a pig" - hmm - I like 'frosting on a turd better" - lol!
Jane, I agree with you....and "lipstick on a pig" is one of my favorites.
belly laughing at frosting on a turd. I will say that if I had to eat a turd, someone better put frosting on it first!
Jane, I love you. You'd be a great friend to have in a bar fight, lol.
I also love "frosting on a turd". Tell your husband that I believe the correct saying is "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."
Karen - if we were ever in a bar - I'd have your back - lol!!!! The way I see it - I'm suffering from menopause - so I can be as honest as I want!!! LOL
I always heard that expression was, "If you can't say anything nice, come sit by me." My mother must have had that wrong. LOL
Oh my doodle - Laurie too funny. You haven't met my mother but let me tell you - she NEVER has anything nice to say - ever. Kinda sad really - one time when I was about 10 - she told me that my laugh was pretty - don't think I've ever heard a kind word from her since, thus I have never forgotten that she said it. :(
My grandma used to tell me not to ask a question if I don't want to hear the answer.
I spent over thirty years in a business environment working primarily with men. This is where I learned to be brutally honest. It was important not to "sugar coat" anything because that could lead to some really bad decisions being made. Our rules were simple....you could not attack the person but you were obligated to honestly share your point of view. I can't tell you how many times over the years I was told that an idea was ridiculous and would never work. That was totally fine with me because it was honest and I wasn't being told the I was ridiculous.....and all the varied input always led to a more perfect solution. So because of that, I have to always watch how I phrase things here on DK. My tendency is to be direct and honest, and let the author of the discussion decide whether to accept or disregard my point of view....but this really isn't the kind of environment where we can do that. I often wish it were.
There have been many discussions that have been "heated". There are times when there is no way around offending someone. I am guilty of this.
I have offended the people that want to breed their pet that was purchased at a pet store (from a puppy mill).
I have offended people that will leave their dog in a hot car.
I have offended people that want to euthanize a dog due to health issues just because it interferes with their lifestyle.
I can go on but you do get the point.
When entering these conversations I do read prior posts and I do try to convince people that what they are doing or saying is not acceptable. If it involves them potentially euthanizing an animal I direct them to one of the animal rescue organizations.
Sorry for the rambling but I clearly remember a member that euthanized a doodle that was having seizure because she couldn't handle it - I wish I could have convinced her to turn the dog over to a rescue organization.
So do we stay "polite" and let these dogs die or be mistreated?
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