Helping a child through grief

[Star and Goldie]

We lost our beloved Riley on Sunday. She was 14 years old and lived much longer than was expected. I had been preparing my 7 year old daughter for her passing for quite a while. But this has been much harder than I could have ever imagined. My daughter is not doing well at all. She is really struggling through this grieving process and I am struggling to find ways to help her through it. I am trying to be as supportive as possible while also understanding that I have my own grief to work through. It's a double dose for me. . I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations on how to help a child through the grieving process. This is both of our first times ever having to go through something like this. And it is really taking a toll on her. She has never known a day of her life without her sweet Riley.

We have read bible verses together, prayed together, cried together, made a memorial for Riley where she can write special messages to her when she misses her. I ordered a special pillow and blanket for her that has Rileys picture on it so she can cuddle with it. We've been doing extra special things with our other dog, Goldie. Besides these things, anything else that might help other than time?

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I'm very sorry, Star. 

There are many books that are designed to help children with the loss of a pet. Amazon has a whole section devoted to them. Reading the books together and talking about them can help a lot. Here's the link: 

https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=pet+dying+book+for+k...

[Star and Goldie]

Thanks! I ended up ordering one called "I will see you in heaven". Can't wait for it to arrive!

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

I am glad that you think so.  I hope that you and your daughter find the perfect project to work on together to help some animals in need.  

[F, Calla & Luca]

I think that you are doing as much as you can. I am very sorry to hear about Riley.

[Linda, Charlie Brown and Beau]

So sorry to hear of your loss of Riley.  You are doing all the right things - it is just so heartbreaking to lose a member of your family and generally just a very difficult time for all. Wishing you and your family peace of heart.

[Ginny Nightingale]

Have you considered counseling? She could get some help with this that will serve her for a lifetime.

[Star and Goldie]

I didn't even think of that. Great idea!

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Oh...  this is such a hard time for both of you.  My heart goes out to you. I think that time will help both of you.   Your daughter may be reflecting your grief also.  When you are ready, getting a new puppy helps a lot if that is an option.  When I was seven both my grandma and my Lou died within days of each other.  I was very upset and a new puppy about four months later really helped.  It was clearly explained to me that the new puppy would not replace Lou, but would add to the love in my heart for dogs.  It also helped me understand that dogs do not live as long as we do and death is a very very sad part of life, must be accepted.

May peace enter your heart again.   

[Pamela & Winslow]

Sounds like you and your daughter are grieving in a healthy manner already.  My husband would add, "time...and a new puppy would fix that."  That's exactly what we did.

Our Yorkie/Pomeranian mix "Harvey" didn't make it a year(died this las February), and we held off telling our daughter, who was away at school at the time.  In the two weeks before we broke the news, we eventually came up with an idea to lighten her grief.  We searched our local area for Schnauzer puppies, but there weren't any to be found. After the fruitless search, the idea came of getting what we've always wanted - a goldendoodle! It was strange that that wasn't our instant choice even though we had often admired them.

We searched the net to test the waters on how a search for this wonderful "breed" would fare.  We then called our daughter, and broke the terrible news.  As expected, she didn't take it well, and we all cried together.  Shortly thereafter, I told her that there was a "light at the end of the tunnel."  She asked what that was, and I told her we were getting a goldendoodle puppy.  I told her that we wanted her be a big part of the search, and her grief instantly lifted.  

A search for the perfect goldendoodle consumed her and my husband for hours a day, and that process finally led to us picking up our goldendoodle this next Saturday.  We still miss our little man, and we will NEVER forget him.  "Winslow" won't replace Harvey, but she will be an added blessing to our family.

I know similar stories play out like this all of the time, but this was our story.  I wish you and your family well.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry for your daughter, too. It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things and the rest is just going to take time. 

[BG and Gavin]

Very sorry for your loss Star. It sounds like you are doing all the best things. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a good mom. Take care of yourself too.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

So very sorry for your loss. Seven is such a hard age to be going through this - old enough to really understand the permanence of death but not fully able to grasp the "big picture" of life. You are doing a great job of helping her (and you) navigate the grief process.

As others have said, a new puppy can be a wonderful healer. We lost our Sedona in December of 2015. It hit my husband especially hard. Within just a few days, we'd found a breeder who met all of our criteria and who just happened to have a two-week-old puppy whose prospective owner had dropped off the wait list the day before I called. Just knowing that we had a new puppy on the way made the grief much more tolerable.