My mom hit my dog!!!

[Discussing Labradoodles & Goldendoodles]

As some of you may know, I have been having issues with Grayson's behavior.  I have been trying to research and get opinions from everywhere--including my mom.  Well, let me just say, my mom was/is strict...and she thinks we should all be as strict as her--with our kids, our husbands, and animals.

So, I ask her what I should do...and her reply is "beat him".  (Now she also calls spanking "beating".)  I said I really wasn't okay with that.  I did try a little tap on the nose to stop him biting and all it did was give him a moving target--meaning more fun for him.  She said he has to be afraid of me...which I disagree.  I think there is a difference in fear and respect AND I think there is a difference in fear of me and fear of the consequences.

Anyways, I move on from her "help" come on here and get some good advice.  So the next day, she comes over and he immediately jumps on her when she comes in--I met her at the door to tell her to turn her back to him when he jumps and only pet him once he is settled or sits for her.  After about 6 times of me telling her to turn her back to him, he jumps on her--she says "this is ridiculous" and grabs his collar and starts smacking him in the head and neck!

I yelled "stop it!" and she let him go.  I told her all she did was scare him---he learned nothing.  She never gave him a command so now he will just be scared of her.  Well, at this point my stepdad is telling my hubby a story and raises his fist and swings it--not at Grayson but he happened to be near---AND HE COWERED.  Then my mom went to pet him and he crouched away and ran from her hand!!!  I told her he was scared of her now, and she replied "Good, he has to be afraid of someone".  I was in shock and mad, but trying to contain my temper.  My mom is here maybe ten minutes every two weeks--how does his fear of her help me train him?!?  I said thanks for the help, but no thanks, I prefer a dog that jumps to a dog that cowers!

Anyways, I really just wanted to vent about it.  I am mad, but I have calmed some.  We are doing our own things to change the behavior we don't like--none of it involves "beating" him.  And we decided--since she does spend so little time here--we will keep him crated or tethered to us when she is over.  My stepdad feels bad, he is here more than her and he said whatever we decide to do in regards to training he'll comply with. 

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Gosh Amanda, you just opened my eyes to a real possible situation I could have here too next week as my mother and stepdad are coming to stay with us for 2 weeks.  Although they are not dog lovers, I think my mom is more afraid of them than tolerant and could react if one of them jumped or appeared to be too rough with her or her "things".  I will have that converstation with her once she gets here, that we don't hit and use positive reinforcement for good behavior.

It must have been so hard for you to see her hit Grayson. just the image of it makes me sad for you both.  I would keep him from her at least until he is trained to not jump on others. He will get there. The back turning, no eye contact or speaking to or touching until all four are on the floor is pretty quickly learned as they so want to be greeted and acknowledged too. Bella is just getting that down pretty good and she is 10 months old. Good luck.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Amanda, first of course you are upset, second you know your Mom better than anyone so you know what you have to do, just keep her away from Grayson. This frame of mind is so old school and you should tell her that. Also tell her your plans to keep him away from her.

What you are doing with Grayson is correct. Are you also saying No Grayson when turning so that when he does settle and sit you can treat him (treat treat treat) and tell him good dog?

I think your situation is 10 fold because of the kids....rambunctious kids (good thing) = the same behaviour in pups (not so good).

He will learn with consistency.

Daisy always jumped ON HER TRAINER who is also her daycare provider. Her trainer is the one who taught us the technique so you'd think right? I constantly have to remind her that we don't allow that and then she says "oh but she is so excited to see me" Geez! She has started to listen and turning away because I remind her I paid her good money to teach her to be a well mannered dog.The other person she does it to is a neighbor of ours and no matter how many times I tell her turn away she continues to YELL no Daisy down" coincidentally while her dogs are jumping all over me and I am turning away - UH!
Some people never learn and some how the dogs end up smarter than them.

[Ginny Nightingale]

Oh boy--I have lived through this with my dad (and my mother when she was alive.) She and dad thought all my kids and my dogs were spoiled. My dad said something in a growly voice to Lyric (alot of men do that--like"what are you doing" but harsh sounding) and she started barking at him, which is her way of defending herself. I told him what he had done and how it would make her scared of him and he said "I don't cater to a dog." in a very disrespectful way.

He was also chasing Rio with a big broom when he was just 10 weeks old--he thought it was funny but Rio was scared. When I asked him to stop, he said "why?" --exasperating!

I think it is a generation gap thing--positive reinforcement training has not been around that long--even my trainer used to use punishment back in the old days. But there is an underlying issue here as well. RESPECT-- That is what this is really about. Grayson is YOUR dog and the way you raise him is YOUR decision--not hers. The fact that she is doing this to the dog reflects her lack of respect for your ideas and decisions--I know, as I have had the same issue with my parents.

Try to explain to her that you do not intend to do this the old fashioned way and that she needs to respect that. (And never, ever hit him!) Then give her a dog treat and ask her to calmly give it to Grayson after he sits. (You can even keep a can of treats out on your entranceway.) Keep repeating that when she comes in so that he will expect a treat from her when she arrives. My friend gets jumped on by my dogs when she comes over, so she loads her pockets ahead of time. They are learning to expect it from her and sit more quickly each time. Then after the treat, put him in his crate until he gets calmer and won't jump when he gets out. That might work. 

[shelly]

Oh my gosh!  I am so sorry.. I have this vision in my head of what happened just as you described it... so sad!  Actually - they're lucky Grayson didn't snap at them! I think Tori would have.  I definitely agree with YOU - I'd rather have a jumping dog than one that cowers...I was just talking about a similar thing with my sisters recently.  We all have dogs now, but when we were little and had dogs, my father used to beat them into not pooping or peeing int the house, hit them when they went in a room they shouldn't had, etc.  He liked them and played with them too, but he did hit to train... unfortunately, that was the mentality of "How to Train Your Dog 101" back then!  Now, he would NEVER even think about doing that now.  good luck!  And definitely stick to your guns be tough 0 I know easier said than done! But he is YOUR dog and they are VISITORS in YOUR home!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Amanda, be proactive with your mom's  assertiveness and let her teach Grayson not to jump by 'kneeing' him when he jumps.  It is an often effective technique that many people employ on dogs who jump and it is not bad or mean. It might work too.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Amanda, I am so sorry this happened to you and Grayson, hopefully he will not have any last affects from the incident. When Quincy was in his jumping phase, whenever anyone came in I would just hold his collar until he was calm. I taught him not to jump on us by dancing with him. When ever he jumped I would hold him and dance him backwards and he would get down on his own. I now have a dog that doesn't jump and doesn't like to dance.

[Kyoko]

Amanda, I am so sorry this happened.... You must be really upset. I would, too.... I totally agree with you on your thought that possibly crating him while she is visiting, so that they will not continue to have negative interactions.... I think it is very important that we develop a great, positve relationship with our dogs.....

[Bonnie and Kona]

Amanda, I am so sorry this has happened and that you have to deal with this relationship on a consistent basis. On the other hand I was thrilled to read that you and your husband have already seen good results from the training you just started! Grayson must be such a smart boy. He sounds sweet and loving, too. It seems that you are on the right track. Congratulations! to the whole family. (minus your mom). haha.

[Adina P]

I'd be pretty peeved too ... sorry that happened.  He'll probably get over it pretty quickly, but unfortunately your mom might get reinforced for her behavior if he quits jumping on her.

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

My nephew hit Tigger in anger about a year ago.  Tigger would not go near him for awhile, but he did get over it.  I am sorry your mom did that.  I think it is a good idea to keep Grayson near you or crated when Mom is around. 

 

Roo is a jumper, too, so he almost always has to go "place" when people visit.  Sometimes he even goes himself to "place" now.  When he is invited to join us he is much calmer.  Tigger is not really a jumper.  It's funny how dogs can be so different.  Roo is much friendlier to everyone, while with strangers, Tigger waits and watches from a distance before he says hello.

Someone in another post said she wanted a sign for her front door: No Touch, No Talk, No Eye Contact.  I want one too!

[Emily]

Hi,I am so sorry to hear about this. You are so correct about the respect vs fear thing.   I thought I'd share what we did. I am sure it might offend some people but we were having big problems with our Golden Doodle.  She was turning into a big liability. My kids were getting hurt! I was worried the neighborhood kids would get hurt & I didn't want a law suit.  It felt like we had no control over our dog when other people were around. Our Golden Doodle constantly would nip. She would do it all the time. She would also jump up and knock kids over, jump to nip at their hats, hair, toys or whatever she pleased. I tried to correct the behavior but as I would go to grab her collar calmly she would run away or run circles around the kids getting more wound up as if it were a game & it would take an hour to catch her. When she acted that way on a leash, she would jump high enough to bite my nose and that was when she was a puppy at  6 months!  One day, she was just excited and she jumped with her mouth open and made my hand bleed. My husband wanted to get rid of the dog! The kids were upset.  We were all upset. We bought an E Collar from Sport Dog. We did this because she was trained and she knew commands & was at the recommended age for the collar. I was feeling bad at first but I thought what do I have to loose?  It has 10 levels of stimulation. We used the longer prongs because her hair is so long. We use only 3 commands with the collar at first. They were "leave it", "no bite" and  "off". ( she knew these commands but wouldn't listen with  company around) We didn't use "down" because we wanted to use down as a lay down command. Off means don't jump up or get down off of me, the couch etc and leave it means basically get away, leave it alone, or give me space. ( or don't dig in the trash..leave it..walk away) I used the collar every day for 2 weeks. I only had to push the button 7 times during that 14 day time period? She learned so fast. NEVER did she yelp or freak out or even cower. I did not turn the level up high enough for any negative responses.We never went above a 3 and that was because she knocked over a 18 mo old and began licking her face. The baby was screaming and parents were yelling. I used a 3 and firmly said "leave it" and the dog walked away and went to lay down across the driveway.  I  always  started on level 1 and at 2 she got the point. After a few days the kids would run by her she would chase & jump so I would say "leave it" in a firm command and hit the button ( on level 1) and she would just tilt her head to the side like ....are you talking to me? Then she would instantly stop.  She would settle down. Then we went to wearing the collar but not turning it on. She would go outside and from across the lawn we can command her to stay off or leave it. She would listen.  She will play with the kids but not run them over, bite or knock them down. It was great. She gave them space.  Now she rarely wears the collar and will follow those commands every time! This week we are using the collar for "come". She will come when it's the 2 of us or always in the house or yard but you add distractions and it's hard. I still only use it on level 1 only. It doesn't hurt ( I tried it on myself).  Today, 15 kids were outside playing soccer with her & she came when I called! No button was pushed! I praised her like crazy. It was awesome. When people come to my door she gets wound up but now I sit her down before opening the door and tell her leave it. She will sniff and if she gets too much energy I will use the collar on 1 and say " leave it". She stops and sits. When she is calm my guests will call her over and pet her. Things have been much much much better. I'm so happy with our results. I think now that our dog is better behaved, we are more relaxed and that has made her more relaxed and receptive to training. She's great. Now, If I could just get her to stop ripping napkins, TP or Kleenex to shreds I'd be a happy camper.