The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Ginny Nightingale]

Boy--that was a rough vacation!! I am reading thru all the comments--my Lyric is a guarder and herder also and we are planning a vacation next month with the other tow dogs and leaving her behind. She just doesn't adjust well and I would rather not put her in an uncomfortable position. She is a sweetie, but likes to guard the yard and house and this would not work well in a rental house. Her son, Rio and my other doodle, Mattie also bark at noises, etc, but when I tell them to stop, they figure that i must know what i am talking about and they stop. But Lyric does not--it seems like her lack of confidence causes her to not trust my judgement and she keeps barking and being on guard. This seems to be what is happening to Murphy too--the lack of confidence causes him to feel like he has to be on the look out for "dangerous" visitors, like the yellow lab and the 18 month old! As others have said, he might be a lot happier at home. 

I am not sure if there is anything you could do even at an early age--as you know, dogs have different personalities and training is often just a way of dealing with those personalities. The training doesn't make the personality go away, it just gives you tools to deal with it.  For example, i can get Lyric to stop guarding if i distract her with a high quality treat, but I can't be feeding her all day! The minute the treat is gone, she goes back to the guarding. 

Interestingly, her personality totally changes when she is pregnant and with her puppies for the first few weeks. Wild horses could run through the house and she wouldn't even notice--the hormones seem to really calm her down. 

As for your family's attitude, i get it from my daughters all the time too--they don't have kids yet, but they are cat people and don't want my dogs near there little kitties--They also feel that my dogs are smelly, obnoxious, noisy, etc. A long time ago, I had a dog that didn't handle visitors well and I would put him in his crate when people came--that made him feel safer. But I got a lot of criticism from everyone that i shouldn't have a dangerous dog and that I should put him down before he bit someone and we got sued. Families can be tough!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Ginny.  It really helps to know that I'm not alone....good decision on leaving Lyric behind while you enjoy your vacation.  I think that's the best thing for EVERYONE!

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Oh Jane, this is so sad. I certainly do understand as I have had many situations similar to what you descibe here. I will say that now that you understand Murphy's hard wiring, you will probably find other accomodations for him during these stressful "vacations". He sounds like he would have just loved staying home and having a pet sitter visit him.

I am just now getting a handle on our Murphy's stress threshold and we will be having several parties at our home now through the end of the year for one occasion or another, and I plan to have Murphy and Bella go to our daughters house during those days as he is just besides himself with a crowd in his den. He won't listen, he cowers, he will get over excited and jump up, and he is just obviously "stressed out" by it all. As much as we would like him to join the fun and since several will be pool parties it's sad he won't be able to join us, but that is his reality and I don't think I can train it out of him nor will I try. He is hard wired this way and it is what it is.

Luckily only some of my family is as insensitive as yours are to how much we love being with our guys, but that is what it is too.

As for the cooking and taking orders!!!! Girl, we need to talk!!!! I can teach you how to say NO to all that. One, just plop yourself down with a tall drink and ask everyone what they plan to do for dinner tonight for starters!!!!   That will get their attention.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh Sue, this is so funny.  It would be such a riot to try your approach and just let everyone "fend for themselves" at mealtime.  It would certainly create a reaction.  I am going to practice just "saying NO"...I think it's time.  As I mentioned to others, it helps more than you know to learn that other Doodles have the same issues as Murph.  I need to do a better job of controlling his environment and continue my training to help him deal with some of these situations.  Thanks!

[Clifford, Cloud, Jake..and Kim]

Jane - I wish we lived closer - we would be happy to have Murphy stay with us!  Clifford and Cloud are pretty welcoming to doodle friends.  You are a great doodle mom - who needs a nice quiet day to snuggle with your furry boys.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thank you Kim.  What a sweet offer....although I'm sure after the first hour you'd be trying to "rehome" Murph to anyone who would take him. LOL

[BG and Gavin]

Jane, if you wouldl like further tips on how to deligate in the kitchen when you have a large crowd, I am here to tell you I am an expert!  Having a house full of company at the cottage every summer has made me strong!  No man or child is safe from me.  Everyone gets a job.  You husk corn, you take the dogs out front to play, you man the bbq, you wash, you dry and you make sure your mother does not move from that lawn chair and that her beverage of choice is never empty! (Mothers are over worked; it is my agenda to make sure it is their vacation).  I will tell you, people are amazed what I get their kids to do.  Its the cottage way I say.  Plus kids feel better when they help out and participate despite their seeming reluctance ;)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

BruceGirl, you are my IDOL!  I'm clearly in need of some delegation counseling.  I did find a way around the corn husking though.  I left so much of the "silk" on the first time I cooked it that from then on there were lots of volunteers to do the shucking.  Maybe I just need to "screw up" a few more things.  LOL

[Bonnie and Kona]

Haha That is my DH's technique to get out of helping! Pretend he cannot possibly do it right.

[Sharon & Monty]

Jane, First I'm sorry you had such a lousy two week vacation. I agree with nearly every post (took a while to get thru all these!) Lots of great ideas.  For what its worth, if I had been on vacation in a house with all those people........it would have been me that was snapping and growling or killing them!  My rule has always been:  I go on vacation to get the hell away from everyone, and the hardest decision I wish to make is what shall I eat when we go out?   LOL   I hope your next vacation is calm and serene and that you, all your boys and DH have a wonderful time.  

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Sharon.  I like the way you think!