Visiting My Parents, They Don't Like Dogs...

[Camilla and Darwin]

I have a problem. My parents have never been big animal fans, but inside dogs are a BIG no no at there house. We live fairly close (about an hour away) and sometimes when we go, they want us to stay for a long time, even overnight.

Darwin is an indoor dog, and they know that. They always make suggestions like "Why don't you tie him up in the backyard (because it's not fenced in) or "Can't you just put him in the garage?" (It's basically a chemical and tool death-trap for dogs) I always make sure he is clean, and he has great house manners but I don't want to push them. Recently, I asked them if he could come be in the house, but only in the kitchen area, on a leash tied to the doorknob. They allowed it, but were hesitant and my dad made comments about building a heated doghouse outside.

I would love it if they would accept letting him be in the house, of course near me so I can watch him. I don't want to cause problems... but it is a really big hassle to have to put him in doggy daycare or board him every time we stay for longer than six hours. I don't want to just tie him up in the backyard, especially when it is muddy and snowy outside. Also, my parents live in a rural neighborhood where there are a TON of unleashed, wandering dogs which may or may not be vaccinated and friendly. I don't feel it's safe for him to be back there for long periods of time, without the yard being fenced in.

Any advice? Should I just keep boarding him, or should I try and get them to accept him being in the house? How should I approach this?

[Melissa & Porter]

My dog was disturbed and confused enough not to use the bathroom the whole time he was outside and then pee inside in the middle of the night after we put him out for three hours during a dinner party that included a kid who was afraid of dogs. Only accident since he trained 7+ months ago. He had never been out alone for that long. I did check on him, but I guess it wasn't enough.

[Doris]

I had this problem with my in-laws. At first they said that Bodi was not welcome at their house. I replied that we would spend ONE day at Thanksgiving and ONE day at Christmas. They agreed to a trial run last Thanksgiving, but still wanted me to crate him in the basement all day. Luckily Bodi won them over and they are now ok with him all over their house. He even visited them at 4 am today! And this was reported to me at 7 am with a smile. I guess that I am lucky that the in-laws have changed their attitude. I hope that you can find a solution.

[Camilla and Darwin]

I am asking this question mainly because coming up, they are essentially asking me to board Darwin for an entire week (the week of Christmas) or keep him in a crate ALL day, with a few potty breaks. Neither is an acceptable option for me. I have never left Darwin in a crate for more than six hours during the day. Even with potty breaks, I don't think it would be fair to keep him cooped up all day and all night. And I really can't afford to board him for a whole week.

This has become something that really stresses me out. I know they are trying to accept that I have a dog, an INDOOR dog. They have been very nice and supportive of that. I just think that they have a hard time understanding that I don't feel comfortable with the options they have offered. I would never leave Darwin in the backyard all night, or in the garage. They think it is being overly fussy... that I'm being overprotective of him. I just wish they could understand that it's not just about me being worried about him. It's that I want him to be accepted as a part of the family, and spend time with them. Not tied up in the backyard.

I am struggling between respecting their views, and wanting to make them understand that he is part of our family now, and they need to accept him. Thanks for all your responses, it's good to know I'm not the only one! I'm trying to come up with some strategies to be fair to both parties... but I'm coming up with a blank.

I wish I knew someone who could take him for me, unfortunately both my husband's and my family are no-dog people, and his family, although more accepting (they allow him indoors and unleashed, if I am watching him directly) , would also tie him up in the backyard during the night and day. I have wracked my brains for a solution...

Thanks for all your input so far, and all suggestions are very welcome.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Maybe you could find a DK family who is staying home and do a trade of dog sitting arrangement.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Thhere are at least 4 other members in Salt Lake City.

[Adina P]

I guess keep talking to them about it. Maybe draw up some things you're WILLING to do (crate but not all hours of the day) and some things you'd like them to compromise on. Are they worried about potty in the house? Do they believe you when you tell them he can hold it for so long? Are they worried about dirt? Can you agree to be extra diligent about clean up? Find out there main concerns and see what can be done to prevent those or fix those.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Can you speak honestly to them? "Mom & Dad, we want so much to spend the holidays with you. Christmas is a time for families to be together, to share the beauty and meaning of Christmas with those they love. Unfortunately, we have a dilemma. This year, Darwin is part of our family. We love him and don't want to spend Christmas without him. We respect your feelings about dogs in the house, but we feel it is cruel to leave him outdoors for a week, or alone in a garage, especially at such a young age. And we cannot afford to board him. We are so stressed about this. Can you help us think of a way that we can all be together?"
Maybe they will at least offer to help with the boarding costs. Hopefully, they will see how much Darwin means to you, and how their way of thinking is causing you distress over what should be a joyful visit.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Well put.

[Leslie, Dexter & Kirby]

I totally feel your pain - we have nobody who can watch our two (and I know how expensive boarding is) so I will try a few more suggestions :)

Are there any dog parks near your parents or even just normal hiking parks? What if you took Darwin for a long play session every day. Our doodles get totally wiped out (literally will sleep the rest of the day) if they go for a long hike or trip to the dog park. That would make crating/only taking him out for short breaks easier for him because he will probably just want to sleep.

And possibly instead of crating, do your parents have a basement area that could be proofed for him? Then he would have some room to move around and you could go downstairs to play with him frequently (without having to take him out of a crate)?

I think it's easier for us having 2 because we can leave them alone at our house for longer periods of time - I always felt bad leaving just Dexter for so long. I hope you come up with a good solution - he's such a cute little guy.

[April Cliber]

I think you should offer yourself up for adoption and find new parents. I think Karen would be a great option! JUST KIDDING!

My parents use to be that way. If fact, I never had a dog until I was married. Growing up, we were told that dogs were too much work and too time consuming. :o( They still don't like dogs in their house, but are friendly to them at my house.

I like the crate idea. That might work, if not call Karen, she'll have you over for the holidays. :o)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

C'mon! You are welcome! Darwin can spend the night anywhere he likes!

[Joy Williams]

Or better yet, invite them to spend Christmas at Karen's house! She should be able to talk some sense into them...They'll probably be getting an indoor dog of their own when they leave!