**Separation Anxiety Update! -- Why do I do this to myself??

[Jen & Ember]

4/16 Update

Well, I am so pleased to announce that Ember has gotten SO much better. Today I took the plunge and webcam-ed her again to see if there had been improvement. Not a peep! Not a groan! No pawing at the crate! Just laid down and went to sleep!! 

SO relieved. 

What has worked: More walks, less doodle-mom-anxiety, training, change in music played (Ember likes classical music, thankyouverymuch ;), and I think most importantly: TIME. I think the move really disrupted her routine. 

Thanks for your support as I stressed and worried and lamented over the situation. :)

---

Ramblings of a guilty-feeling doodle mom....

So, a few months ago I video taped Ember when she was home alone. At the time she was about 6 months and was in an open crate attached to an expen. Well, what I observed was her barking/howling/whining and standing up on 2 legs against the expen. It lasted less than 5 minutes then she went to sleep for the rest of the time. From then on I used her crate only for fear that she might try to jump out of the expen and hurt herself. I didn't video tape again.

Fast forward nearly three months and Ember is now almost 8 months old. I have recently (within the last month) moved to a new place. Ember still has her crate. I noticed on one of the first times I left her alone that I could hear her through the front door whining and barking. I figured it was just nerves at being in a new place. It's been nearly a month now and I thought I'd tape, just to see... 

Well, poor Ember whines/barks/scratches at the door of the crate for 10 minutes, then lays down and whines, then pants, then yawns and pants, then whines some more before falling asleep. As I fast forwarded through, there were a number of times that she got up and whined/barked/pawed at the door to get out. Lots of panting.

I don't know what to do to help her feel comfortable. I'm at a loss and I feel awful and guilty. I make sure she is well exercised before I leave, that she has been out and done her doggy business... she gets a kong (which she now ignores), has some toys, and I walk out without any looking back or guilt (until I get to my car, that is).

She goes to daycare 2x per week and the other days she is home in her crate or she goes to my family's home nearby. I wonder if I don't leave her home enough and so each time is like starting over? 

I just feel really bad right now and am not sure what to do at this point. Leave her more often? Never leave the house again and abandon my job and social life? (haha, just kidding). Any suggestions would be so appreciated. 

[Jennifer and Jack]

Sorry what a yucky feeling for you! I am so sorry! I don't know the solution. jack does not stay home to often by himself and when he does he doesn't love it, I do think they need to get used to being alone a bit but I am so the wrong person to tell you how as I have been known to hire a babysitter to stay at the house with him while I go out!!!

[Jen & Ember]

Thanks Jennifer for the support. I just want her to be happy and to see and hear her so sad sounding breaks my heart!!

[Jennifer and Jack]

I totally understand, you need someone not in the same situation as you to help. It is late more people will chime in tomorrow! Hang in there!

[Barbara B., Sasha & Oliver]

Jen, I would feel bad too, I thought of taping my doodles as well.  Both my doodles are crated, Sasha is 2 and Ollie is 20 months, both crates are next to each other.  The only time I hear barking is if I have one doodle with me and the other gets upset.  Oliver is not use to being alone, he came from his Mom and litter to my house where I had Sasha.  So when I take Sasha with me to the vet Oliver freaks, it only lasts for a minute or two but he gets mad.  They are very attached to each other but there are time when I do have to take out one without the other.  I work on this by walking them seperate but they are so darn smart that they know when I have keys and my purse that something more than just a walk is happening.  I feel so bad but there is nothing I can do about it, I live alone.

 

The only suggestion that I can give you is get another doodle :)  I'm thinking that Ember is around 9-10 months old?? If she is ... then she is still a puppyand will hopefully grow out of this.  Can you leave a radio on ?  When my doodles were very young I would never cause a fuss when I was leaving.. I would say "OK everyone into their house", both dogs happily go into their house, each get a cookie and the doors are shut.  When I leave I say "Mommy loves you" and out the door I go.  I do not leave their collars on or any toys in the crate, only the cookie.  Since both doodles are pretty strong chewers I'm afraid that they will destroy a toy and eat it.  Can you give her a calmin aid ?  I have given Oliver a calming herbal supplement before he would go in the car when he was a baby because he would get very nervous, poop and puke - yeah it was a mess, but he grew out of that.

 

Mabye look on line to see other suggestions on seperation anxiety...  I hope you find a solution, sorry I could not be much help.

 

 

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

I'm not a big crate person and only ever use them when potty training, once that is over the crate is packed away and I use an ex pen.  I used the ex pen for Rooney when I would occasionally leave him home - toys, a bone left but after a while I just left him loose in the house and he never did anything he shouldn't.  Could you try leaving her loose with toys and her bed?  Plently of people will be able to tell you how to help her in the crate but like I said - I'm not a crate person.  Good luck to you.

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

We would leave cooper in her crate and ex-pen. She never seemed to mind being left there, but we would feed her in her pen and give her time outs when we were home (after breakfast and dinner for 30 mins). she would lie down and sleep after a while. We were home all the time for the first few months so were concerned she would not be happy when we left her. We did lots of short "alone times" making them progressively longer. We leaved the radio on for background noise (Cooper is not a barker but will do a woof if she hears a strange noise). Cooper was never totally alone as we had 2 (now 3) cats, although they didnt really interact with Cooper much.

We moved when Cooper was about 1 1/2 to a smaller place that was difficult to accomodate her crate and pen, so we tried leaving her free in the house. We closed the bedroom and bathroom doors and just had the open plan lounge and kitchen for her (and her crate). She did destroy a few things - shredded a pad of paper, dug up some plants, a hole in the futon etc but we moved as much out of the way as possible. She did surprisingly well, but she isnt much of a chewer

I would suggest trying the pen again if you have it - Cooper could jump out of hers, but only did it once (onto the top of her crate to get to a friend at the door)

[Colleen, Jake & Baxter]

Years ago our family adopted a dog and were told by the foster how much he loved his crate.  Well he didn't love it at our house.  I am not sure what happened but this poor dog had severe separation anxiety. It broke my heart when I would come home and see the pools of drool and teething marks all over the crate.  I was a stay at home mom and would only be gone for errands and so forth.  Long story short I started to allow Windsor out while I was gone in the kitchen and family room only and he was fine!  I started out with short errands and gradually he was able to have the run of the house with no problems.  The foster dog I have now has separation anxiety and hates the crate.  I leave her with my doodle in the same area as above and she does fine.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Have you ever tried letting her roam free? Sophie was fully trustworthy to roam free around 6 months. Then suddenly at 9 months she started getting into trouble again. She seems to have settled down now though.

 

I don't want to encourage you but having a second doodle is just about the best thing ever. If that's not an option you could think about getting a cat to keep her company. Or a dog walker for half way through the day...

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

Hunter has free roam of the house now, like Kaitlyn & Cooper she did chew up a few things in the beginning and did some counter surfing but we put things up, etc.  We still use her crate when we go camping but it is a soft sided crate.  Is your's big enough that she can stand up and stretch?  Hunter's in our camper is probably a size larger than she really needs or that you would use for house training but she can lay down and stretch out and it's very soft.  I also always leave the radio on a classical music station when we leave in both the camper and at home when she doesn't have a crate.  When I do use her crate I also use a fan on low and point it over the top of her crate, not directly on her to try to keep the air moving.  I  just try to do what I would think would be the most relaxing.  Does she sleep in her crate at night?

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Hey I like your second option! Back to reality-Myla was like this in her crate too, it was tough to keep doing it to her and we asked our neighbors if they could hear her and they said no so we kept on doing it. Chloe was in her crate next to her (poor Chloe) Myla does not like to be left alone ever! Chloe was well over a year before we even tried to leave her out and she didn't do well-carpet, couch, walls had teeth marks etc. I often think of bringing the crates back when we are gone DH says no. But now Myla is eating the apron of the couch! I think if it was an option for you to try to leave her out, set up the camera and go a little at a time. MOST of the time when we are out the doodles are sitting in the window watching for us, they all have their bad days though. Try not feel so guilty, you are doing what is safe for her. I'm sure the move has a big part in it too. Good luck!

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

No suggestions really from me, but you are a great doodle mom & have nothing to feel guilty about!  You are taking good care of her, and are showing such concern by videotaping and even posting this question in the first place!  I agree with the people who say to get another dog.  That's what I'm doin!

[Jen & Ember]

Things have gotten so much better!! -- See update on the original post. Thanks for the support and well-wishes. :)