Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

It’s no secret that we recently became grandparents and just got back from Oregon after our first visit with little Archer. 

The week before the visit I was in a panic about my dogs.  My regular pet sitter only watches dogs in the summer and has gone back to her school job leaving me “up a creek without a paddle.”  She said she could watch them at her house, but would be gone most of the day, and that worried me because she has cats, dogs, and rabbits, and I felt it would be safer for all concerned for them to remain at our house.  My other backup, my neighbor, was unavailable the week we were leaving to let them out during the day.  I seriously did not sleep not knowing what to do and was ready to slap the next person who said they would be fine all day without me.  Luckily, at the last minute, my groomer offered to help. 

 

Between the worry I feel when I leave my dogs and the packing to get ready, I am almost ready to give up traveling. For some reason, before we go on any trip, I am compelled to clean my house, catch up on every bit of laundry, pay bills, and run errands to make sure everything needed is in the house.  I often wake up thinking things like did I pack a belt, or a raincoat, enough socks for John, or my phone charger.  I envy those people who can pack at the last minute and get everything into one small bag.  Any trip where I would have to carry my luggage as we went along would be out for me because I would need to bring a pack mule along to help. John’s idea of packing is to turn to me as we are driving to the airport and say, “did you remember to bring my blue shorts?”  The last time I left him in charge of rounding up his toiletries before we left his sister’s house, he did as he was told, but unfortunately I did not add, “and put it in the car,” because he left it all there.  I am sure everyone could fend for themselves, but the Type A in me just knows I can do it all better and my theory has been proven right on more than one occasion. Anyways, I find the whole process so exhausting and usually by the time we hit the road, I am alternating between being a martyr for having to do it all and mad at all the other travelers with me for not realizing the sacrifices I have made to get us to this point.

 

In this case, we were headed to meet our grandson or I might have said the heck with it and stayed home.  My daughter lives in a very tiny house, but insisted we stay there with them.  Privacy is highly overrated when you are there and I feel a little like Dorothy trying to stay overnight at the Munchkin Mayor’s house in Oz when I am there.  In addition to our beautiful grandson, Megan has two French Bulldogs, Bonzai and Jazz, and two cats, Scooby and Rocky, or as I like to call them Please Stop Poking Me and Febreeze Isn’t Helping.  I am going to warn you at this point in the blog, if you love cats, please discontinue reading at this point.  In our small quarters, it was virtually impossible to get away from these cats and between Rocky meowing and leaping from chairs to beds and Scooby alternating licking himself to poking me with his head and paw to get me to pet him, I felt like I was going insane.  I starting yelling, “STOP LICKING! STOP MEOWING!” until all the other occupants of the world’s smallest place to live started mentioning that if they could just eliminate one thing from the confined space life would be better.  When I asked, “which cat is going….Rocky or Scooby?” they said they weren’t talking about a cat.  At that point, I usually picked up Archer because I knew nobody could hurt me or evict me if I was holding a baby. 

I swear Rocky was sneaking cabbage and beans when we were not looking because his trips to the litter box left me gagging.  I asked Megan if she had any potpourri I could stick up my nose or at least a couple of cinnamon sticks, but she said I was being dramatic and to try putting a plastic bag tightly over my face. It quickly became clear to me that years of living with this cat had killed her sense of smell. I slept with a can of odor eliminating spray because his bowels seemed most active when I was trying to nod off and as soon as I heard the litter being kicked around, I started spraying.  Once, I thought he had left the box, but he hadn’t, and exited rather quickly when I started spraying and hid for a while and all I could think was, “works for me.”  Every day, I thanked God I had two non-shedding dogs who knew to poop outside where animal poop belongs.

 

Megan and I have always had a bit of rivalry about who has the best dogs and we do not let a little thing like giving birth stand in the way of our competition.  Well, I am here to tell you the case has been closed and my dogs win the “Better Dogs” competition hands down.  Let me explain.  As often happens, when Grandma visits her grand dogs I decide when they turn their little smashed in faces up at me that they want to go for a walk.  Even though the two of them do not make up one Vern, I hate walking them alone.  They pull and by pull, I mean walking them should be one of the obstacles on American Ninja Warrior.  I swear their back legs are fully extended with each push and Popeye would need two cans of spinach to take these two on. In addition, if they see a person, place, or thing, they squeal like pigs.  I seriously had people doing double takes to make sure I wasn’t sticking their hindquarters with a pin as we walked.  Oh, and let’s not forget the humping.  They like to hump each other and nothing says I have no control over these dogs like having them squealing and humping on a walk. The only thing missing was a couple of dueling banjos and Ned Beatty to make me feel like I was in the middle of a scene from Deliverance. Megan told me I was dumb when I told her to get two more Frenchies and a cowboy costume for Archer and she could dress them for Halloween as the Village People. 

Towards the end of the week, I just started saying to people walking by that these were not my dogs. 

 

I love the Frenchies, but they are gassy little creatures.  Jazz likes to sleep under the covers burrowed against you and almost always, his head is facing towards your feet, which means the explosive part of him is facing your face.  The only difference between Carbon Monoxide and Frenchie gas is one is not odorless, but both can kill you. In addition, I sleep on my side and Jazz seemed to like to burrow into my chest and a couple of times when he repositioned himself I woke up thinking I was getting my annual mammogram and the technician had just said, “just one more squeeze and we are done.”  Fudge and Vern have been known to sleep on our bed, but I have never been awakened from a deep sleep thinking I somehow ended up head first in a pile of rotten eggs or my chest measurements were now going to have to be taken with a yardstick.

 

I was also warned not to start trouble with the dogs by talking baby talk to them, because they get too excited and A) it can cause more unwanted humping and B) it can cause them to snort and spray you with nose sprinkles. The only thing worse than actual nose sprinkles was when I accidentally gave myself a swirly at the Tillamook Cheese Factory when I bent over to pick something up off the floor when the automatic toilet flusher decided to flush.  Luckily, the toilet had already been flushed, so I am telling myself it was fairly clean water, but I did wash and Purell my face for about 15 minutes after it happened.  There is just something about those squished in faces though, that brings out the squeaky voice in me and I kept having to remind myself to be good so I wasn’t asked to leave and my grandson would only know me from a picture. 

 

All in all, we had a fantastic visit. Our grandson is such a love and we enjoyed being there with him.  The flights to and from were uneventful and on time, but the absolute best part of coming home was finding the winners of the My dogs are better than Megan’s contest waiting for me.

Winners!!

Losers! (but Grandma still loves them)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Nicky!! I always feel better when John is home with them, too!

Joanne, I love those Frenchies, too. I actually would love to have one. I am a glutton for punishment, I guess. We love you too!!

Michelle, Thank you! I always have fun when I get there. My goal this year is to find a wonderful sitter who stays at my house.

Sheri, We know that no one takes care of our dogs like we do :) Thank you!

Jane, LOL to the cat free in-law wing. I plan on taking the Doodles, so that should keep the cats away from me.  Thank you! We think he is pretty darn cute too!

Becka, Thank you! Bonzai is so special to us as our first grand dog, but you are right....he shouldn't bite John in the jugular :) LOL

Nancy, Don't worry....there will be plenty of Archer blogs. LOL Thank you!! Hayley took that shot of our dogs about 3 years ago and I did submit it and it did get in the Lotsa Doodle calendar, I think.

Nancy, When John does pack, he just bags his clothes any old way, and spends the week looking like Mr. Wrinkles : ) Thank you! They move the end of October.

Thanks, Ricki. I only wish you could experience the Frenchies too :) LOL

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

That baby is the cutest little man. Thanks for giving me a great laugh here though I know exactly what you mean about leaving the dogs (that's why I leave Joe here looking after the boys on lots of trips where he could actually come along LOL) 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Snort snort, sprinkle sprinkle.  Spud LOVES French Bulldogs.  Just loves them.

And we love you.  Archer is adorable.  Congratulations

[Miss Ellie]

Oh Laurie...I totally get what you are saying...leaving our dog & two cats is never fun...and though I absolutely love to go away and spend quality time with my family on vacation...the pets are always on my mind...always worrying, always missing them...but at least this time was extra special and you got to meet your precious grandson and get lots of sweet Grandma cuddles!

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

What adorable pics.  I have to admit that I have this same anxiety about my girls and what to do with them should the need ever arise.  

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm hoping there will be a "cat free" in-law wing in the new house.  Archer is so darn adorable....he's even cuter than a Doodle and it is very clear how smart he is and how much he loves his Grandma and Grandpa!

[Becka]

Ha! I love the picture where the Frenchie is trying to grab John by the jugular! Vicious beasts!

Also, your grandson is gorgeous and clearly quite advanced for his age. :)

[Nancy and Georgia Brown]

Archer is SOO cute and we are talking about the dogs? I guess this is a dog website, but still....
FYI that shot of vern and fudge is a calendar winner for sure.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

And......  as for the packing.  We were gone this weekend and my husband asked me where his brush was!  Like its at home, dummy!  His idea of packing is whatever he is wearing will be fine for the duration!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Archer is absolutely adorable!  He is so alert and mature looking.  Yeah, Frenchies are cute but hands down losers.  There really is no competition in the doodle department even if you had one that shed.  :-}   Again congrats and when are they moving closer?