It's a Mad, Mad World!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Something is terrible wrong in my household. Everything is topsy-turvy.  It all started the other week when my daughter and I were going out shopping and to lunch.  We had a wonderful time and because I was on a shopping high, I looked over at her in the car and said,  “We are just like best friends!”  You would have thought since she’d already suckered me into buying her some new clothes that she would have smiled and just said yes in response.  Instead she flashed a little grin and said, “If we are best friends, then I bet you want me to live with you forever.”  Well, nothing breaks up a friendship faster than saying, “Get out of my house,” so I wisely said nothing and just giggled in a maniacal sort of way hoping to scare her.  Later when I told my husband what my bestie said, he got a funny look in his eyes and said, “Operation Find You a New Best Friend starts NOW.”  After that, he went on to ask me what made up a good dowry and when I said I thought goats were involved, his mood improved considerably because our neighbor has lots of goats and they are always running loose.   I am hoping Operation Find You a New Best Friend goes well, so I don’t have to partake in Operation Steal the Neighbor’s Goats, somewhere down the line.

Our daughter lives in our basement.  I know the sound of that conjures up images of cinder blocks, cobwebs, and a dark and musty place, but everything about our basement is lovely, bright, and clean.  We certainly don’t open a trap door in our kitchen and push her down there every night.   The only possible thing she has to complain about is she is always cold in our house, due to living with a menopausal woman, but then we tell her we know of a warmer place and it is called her own apartment and she puts on a sweatshirt and we are all happy.  She shares her space with our white cat and we don’t let the dogs go down there.  We used to let them, but Vern was practically OCD when it came to our cat and it got to the point that when our daughter walked in the door, Vern would immediately get into position at the top of the basement steps until she let him down there.  He loves our daughter, but his obsessive need to see the cat was greater and he would practically salivate at the top of the steps in anticipation of her lifting the large Rubbermaid/Sterlite lid that is all that stands between him and the cat.

Once down there, he would locate the cat under some piece of furniture, which she almost always fled to upon hearing Vern’s noisy descent, and stare at her in a crazy kind of way for hours. Just stare!  Needless to say, the cat was not happy and since we felt Vern should be more of a companion to us and less of a Moonie worshipping one uptight cat, we just stopped allowing him in the basement.  Over time he forgot about the cat and things went back to normal.

For the last time, I am telling you to BUG OFF!

That is, everything was normal, until Monday night, when my daughter decided to lift the lid and let the dogs come down to her room.  I think she did it to spite me because when I came home from grocery shopping, she was packing her lunch and starting talking about her day, and I cut her off mid-sentence and said, “Please get out of the kitchen! I only have minutes until Dancing with the Stars premieres and I need to put away the groceries. “  It wasn’t like I didn’t say it nicely, but, and here is where her story differs from mine, she said I hip checked her and screamed,  “Outta my way.  If I miss one minute of Emmitt Smith because you are deciding if you want a Fruit Rollup or real fruit in your lunch, your head is going to roll.”

We are going to have to agree to disagree about what went down in that kitchen, but she ran out of that kitchen quickly, but not before telling the dogs to follow her and what she would like to do to her mother with a Mirror Ball trophy.  Fudge ran down the basement for a couple of minutes, but must have decided she could eat in peace with Vern preoccupied, so she came right back up.  It wasn’t long before our daughter decided that watching Vern watch the cat was less interesting than TV and her computer, and brought Vern back upstairs.  There was no long goodbye, no "I'll see you later, Vern." She just turned on her heels and left her parents to deal with Vern's "I need to see a cat right now or else," habit. We tried to yell our thanks, but she was too quick on her feet.

Sure enough, Vern spent the rest of the night circling the people upstairs (my DH and me) and letting us know he would like to go back downstairs and pay another visit to a disinterested cat.  I tried explaining to him that Drew Lachey, Apolo Ohno, and Emmitt Smith needed my undivided attention and possible votes and I would be willing to set him up with a cell phone so he could vote too, if he would just give the whole cat thing a rest, but it didn’t work. 

Well, we stood firm and showed him who the bosses were in the household  and did not let him down there the rest of the night.  We thought it was all settled until he got us up a couple of times in the night.  I guess he was hoping in our groggy state we would accidentally knock the lid down and he could catch the cat unawares.  Even Fudge joined in the action and walked around with a stuffed octopus in her mouth at 3 am, which we felt was a distraction tactic or in dog language means, “let the big guy down the basement so I can get back to sleep.”  At this point, we have two options, move our DD and HER cat to the garage and deal with her complaints about gas fumes and cold air or stage a cat intervention with Vern.  I guess we need to toss a coin!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I love that picture of Vern and the cat, too. Either Vern was younger and smaller then, or that is one big cat, lol!

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

I love the pictures of Vern! Is he standing on the window ledge on the first one? And the second one is so adorable! I felt like I was the cat for a second.

[Leslie and Halas]

I still love that photo of Vern and the cat. I agree with Karen - maybe Vern needs his very own photo of the cat.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

I love Karen's idea about a photo, it might work in Vernstien's case!

You do know that H will be living upstairs with V & F while you are gone, heat at 78!

Have a wonderful time!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Poor Vern.  Ned votes to let Vern view the cat, although he feels there are more interesting things to do with cats- like chasing them. Perhaps his fascination with the cat is because he thinks it is a mini him - color and all.

[Camilla and Darwin]

This made me smile as your blogs always do. Vern and the cat reminds me of Darwin and his reflection. We try not to let them interact, since he gets too excited and his reflection copies everything he does (furthering his excitement). Darwin dearly wants to see it again, but it's better that they remain separated. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I am so glad that you got all of your packing done early, Laurie, so that you would not leave us blogless and bored out of our minds while you are off entertaining your fellow cruisers.

Anything that has to do with Vern makes me smile, so I love this blog! Poor Vern! Maybe you could hang a large photo of the cat ate Vern's eye level in some convenient place where he could can sit and stare at it to his heart's content!

 As for having your DD at home, at least you have a basement! I don't, but since my DD is the only one in the house who actually knows how to work the stove, things could be worse. :-)

[Candice & Bailey]

I'm sorry, but the cat and daughter are going to have to go to the garage, stat! :D

[F, Calla & Luca]

No daughters, no cats but lots if sympathy ; ) I can believe Vern is deterred by such a puny barrier. I keep telling you to send your daughter here so I have to guess you really like having her. Why don't you go off on a cruise or something and let DD deal. Have a good time :-) 

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

hahahahahaha...good as always Laurie!