It's Bitter Sweet(ie)

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about the dog who got away.  I think, I will always feel this way about my three-week fostering of a Goldendoodle puppy I named Sweetie. 

Although I am filled with mixed emotions,  I feel more lucky to have had this experience.   At the time I really did not want to foster. I wanted nothing to do with rescues. I did not want another dog who drained my energy and emotions.  Sometimes, we think we are healing these poor rescues but surprisingly, they may just be healing our broken hearts instead.

After I decided to take on this challenge, after I met her, it was then I found out, she was the baby sister of my own Spud.  Although I was not able to contact the original breeder the address was the very same.  How ironic!  What are the odds?   Not only was the address the same, I had a female version of Spud in every way, shape, form, and fur!

A true Nature vs Nurture story.  They were so much alike I sat all day in awe of them.  Odd, Spud knew she was one of him also.  The interactions were beautiful.   It is hard to explain it all here and maybe too sentimental for me to share all the joy I had with helping this baby girl.  There really may be something to the idea that dogs know more than we can ever understand about the animal world.

She was exactly like him in every way, although she did it with a dainty, tomboy approach.  Wonderful.

When DRC interviews you, they ask what you want for this dog?  What do you think she needs in the perfect forever home?  What is needed so this dog NEVER has to loose a home again?

I had my list ready and at the top of the list I wrote, ' a home that is better than I can give'   A tough act to follow considering I had her mentor right here. I had her real brother, I have a fenced- in yard, I already had established forever love, ................. I felt I had it all but life is not always what you want. 

My DK friends, some situations are difficult to explain.   All I can say is she was the right dog at the wrong time.  I'll leave it all at that for now.   I can't help but think she was the "perfect dog" I had to pass up. I let her get away.  But not without giving this a lot of thought, passing on my own selfish desires, and thoroughly weighing all the options.  When  you foster you have a job to do.  It is not always just about love. It is about a forever life of a dog that is entrusted into your care.  It's really all about them.

So I reluctantly worked really hard to find her a place that could offer her all the love this Sweetie could ever have and more than I had to offer.

I'm so happy to say, my worked paid off.  She has a doodle sister!!!  Number two on my list.  She has a lake.  Somewhere on that list I noticed water was a must have for this girl.  F.J. said she had a 'Jesus Syndrome'.  She was constantly jumping in water, constantly sticking her paws in water and playing in the water dish.  Many times she stuck her whole face in the water dish.  Okay, I think you have to know my husband's humor and been here for that joke.  Skip it.

She has a trainer!  Yes, her own aunt is  a dog trainer.   Built right into her family. 

She has a loving and experianced family who can provide her with what she needs and more.  I would love to BRAG about them, but I think I would be giving personal and confidential information out about the adopter.  So I must leave out all the greatness.  Know that it is there.

My loss, their gain--for dog ownership that is.  But Sweetie gave me more than I can explain.

I want to thank Sweetie for all the heart healing she did for me.  She restored my faith about a lot of things.   I do wonder if she came to heal my thoughts about dogs, re-homes, life, rescues, ownership,  issues, and love or was I helping her instead?  Whatever it is, it is Priceless.  Impossible for me to put here in words.

My first doodle foster, Lacey, well, now her family is my constant strength.  I got Lacey through some tough times, but her mom has done way more for me than I can ever hope for in a friendship.  Her mom tells me, "Life really is a full circle"   :)  She tells me,  I will know why this all happened the way it did, in due time.   Thanks Sarah!

Many of you asked. So many, I thought I would let you know, she is one LUCKY DOODLE GIRL!  

Meet Lily.   Her mother says she reminds her of a Calla Lily.  Soft, beautiful, white, and wonderful.  (More ironic symbolism here).   For Lily and me, it was all meant to be. 

Thanks Sweetie, for coming into my life.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Joanne, I know this was an incredibly difficult thing for you to do, that you even took Sweetie as a foster speaks volumes about what a loving and wonderful person you are. Don't think of this as the one that got away but rather as the one you helped on her way. I know she would have had a wonderful home with you FJ and Spud but sometimes the timing just isn't right. Wrap yourself in the thought that because of you Sweetie has a much brighter future and a wonderful family. The icing on the cake is that she has a lake, who knows, she might actually learn to walk on water. :>) Big hugs to you and Roger.

" With love in your heart, whatever you do is likely to be right. If you've got that one true note ringing inside you, then whatever you do is going to be ok."

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Crying here in Texas for you, Joanne... 

[Rose Ann and Amante]

Wonderful post Joanne!!!

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

What a beautiful post Joanne. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for you to decide. You are correct, she came to help your family AND Spud. If you know it wasn't the right time, than you know you made the right decision. It sounds like she ended up in a wonderful place and a trainer to make her be her best. Sweetie was a blessing to you and you to her! Thanks for the update and for all your doodle love.

[Camilla and Darwin]

What a beautiful post Joanne. You are such a strong, giving person. Sweetie is lucky to have had you help her, and now to be in her perfect forever home. 

[Adrianne Matzkin]

Jo - I know how hard it was for you to bring her into you home - and heart. We talked about it for quite awhile. I didn't want to push you into making a decision that you weren't ready for. But, being you, you knew she needed you. You didn't know at that time that you and Roger needed her - even if it was for a short time. You helped each other in ways that no words can ever say.

I love you Jo! and sending you hugs!!!

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Kudos to you Joanne, you did good:)

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Joanne, this is such a moving tribute, not only for Lily/Sweetie but for all Foster Parents and their charges. You all have your heart in the right place. Secretly I was hoping you would be a Foster Failure this time but I know that finding her the right home was top priority even if it wasn't your home.

Thank you for being there for her and may God grant you the peace you deserve in whatever it is that you need.

Hugs to Spud, Roger and you.

[BG and Gavin]

Beautiful, honest, heartfelt...wonderful Joanne.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Joanne, I can't help it, but my heart hurts for you. I know you loved Sweetie and I am sorry it didn't work out.  I so hope the new owners let you know how she is doing.  I am glad she helped you and do believe that the right dog finds you, so I can't wait to see what is next for you. Thank you for helping Sweetie!