Most Blessed Person in the world.

[Jennifer and Jack]

I am talking about me... yes me, the girl who was just hog tied to a bed for a week with a breathing tube shoved down my throat, a collapsed lung, and pneumonia, The girl who has to do 18 hours of IV therapy a day until further notice. Hours of breathing treatments, The girl with two college degrees but on Medicaid and living mostly off her family...

In the bible it says where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.. or something close to that.....  I will tell you that for me personally, where sickness is in my life, God's grace so far supersedes and and all diseases.

I won't lie, even with all the blessing and love bestowed on me, I am still so weak that I would, given the chance walk away from it all, minus giving up my faith.

I don't know how to convey to you what it is like to live in my shoes.... The way God designed me, or my parents DNA however you want to look at it created me to thrive off of love. I don't care about monetary gifts I never have, but tell me you are praying for me, thinking of me, love me and I get the most amazing strength.

I am not talking about a co dependent way. I am whole and complete on my own.. but my life is hard.. (as is all of our lives) and the secret to my happiness comes from interactions and relationships with people.

I didn't always have but I have had for the last 10 or so years a massive amount of friends, family and support. This past bout with fighting to stay on this side of the dirt taught me so much.

First it taught me that my mom is no one to mess with when it comes to her daughter. I have never in my life seen my mom so proactive so on top of things ever. She took care of me in a way I always secretly dreamed my mom would.. Not saying I wanted to go on a vent, I never would but God used that chance to show me my mom rocks.. and can kick butt, before I went on the vent my mom never knew much about my health really, the details,, when I woke up, I heard her using medical jargon like she was a doctor,

The total and complete overwhelming response from the group I moderate has left me speechless, yes blabber mouth is speechless, Daily I got letters and emails from them, they called my mom to support her. As soon as they could they sent massive flowers, candy, hand paintings of Jack and Molly, Now it was a lot of stuff,but what touched me is that people love me enough to care about me... Care doesn't equal doing things, care equals just loving me.

My health is still not stable, unfortunately we can not get my cough to calm down which is causing my airway to be swollen which is a bit scary..

Another way that I see as a blessing is.. I was in the emergency room and I was waiting for my bed in ICU, I was not on life support at this time..... I needed to be but I was refusing... I get scared and just say no. My director of the hospital who happens to be my friend.. came to see me in the ER, in spite of the fact that I told her not to because I didn't want to bother her.. well she came and when she saaw me, she is the one who convinced me to let them tube me.. She promised to stay and talk to my mom when my mom got there, that was the reason I said no, I didn't want my poor mom to walk in and unexpectantly see tied to a bed crying with a tube down my throat. My friend/boss, not only stayed with me and held my hand while the tube went in, she waited for my mom and explained everything to my mom. I was told by my friend, my mom and the doctor, that if they had waited even a few more minutes, my airway would have been completely swollen and they could not have got that tube in my throat. What timing my boss had. Thank you God.

Today is the day I normally get my shipments of iv medications for the week. I hate this day because so many boxes come, and it is a mess to deal with.

Today, the door bell rang I did not get up, my dad answered the door and brought a much smaller box into my bed room, I opened it, A girl I have never met in person but know her through the Paw Pad bought me a brand new IPAD. She snuck behind my back, called my mom, talked to my neighbor and decided she wanted to get me something that I would never get for myself.... I have always wanted an IPAD but come on, I can barely keep up with my regular bills..

I was and am so astounded at the kindness of people, She told my mom she wished she could take the disease from me but since she can't, she wanted to make my life more fun... I get weak in the knees when I think that someone would do something like that... the heart behind it just makes me sob.

As i was laying in bed, another shipment came, this time another friend sent Jack a stuff toy golden doodle, just in case Jack misses Molly. She sent me stamps that say love on them, they are forever stamps, and they say foreve love on them. She wanted me to know I would be loved for ever..

You can't look at my life and not see the absoulte hand of God in my life, no matter what God you believe in. Though I am sick, though when I was little I dreamed of being a stay at home soccer mom who didn't like dogs. Considering my health, I have the best possible life ever.

So many of you are my friends, so many of you have sent me private messages, emails and PM messages.. For Christmas this year, I am going to print every private message and email, every letter, every kind word, as well as take all the gifts I got and I am going to place them under the tree, and I am going to like I do every day, Thank God for each one of you.

I would encourage you, even if your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it to...look for the blessing in it. Look for the good things and you will see them, keep your eyes on them and the bad things will start to fade into the back round.

That is what I am doing, it works.. I know it does, I live by that principal Not to say I don't complain, I do say how I feel, I am scared, I am fearful and I am worried but I am most grateful for the blessing in disguise, the obvious ones and for every kind word, Each thing has helped to heal me.

Hopefully soon, I will start to get better... Until then I am grateful for each of you. never doubt the power of a kind word, an email or a gesture from your heart.. never think it is insignificant

Thank you for being a part of my happiness, thanks for allowing me to be insanely in love with Jack on here and not look totally insane...

The Most Happiest of Holiday's to each one of you....

[Sally, Ditzy Mitzi & Sgt. Pepper]

Wishing you a complete and speedy recovery and Very Happy Holidays!

[Becka]

Jennifer, I love the clear-eyed, thoughtful way that you write, and your amazing attitude. May you have only good things coming.

[Jennifer and Jack]

Thank you all so much for reading my long drawn out novel.... but more importantly, thank you for your kind words and support. How kind of you to say the things you said!!!

Jack is doing just great, my dad is here and he and his wife walk him three to four times a day for long walks so he is as happy as can be.. but misses my mom and molly...

Today I got a new pair of running shoes by faith I will be back to running or at the very least fast power walking in the next year!!! Believe it or not, two years ago I could not walk well without my oxygen and I started exercising, before I knew it, a year later, I was actually doing 13 minute miles... My prayer is to get back to a healthy point.. and now by faith I have the sneakers to get me there!!

[Susan and Sasha]

We have so many wonderful memories...and are going to make Many more!

I am So very thankful to have you in my life...

I Love You!

 

[Doris]

God is amazing and has given you such strength.  I pray that your health continues to improve!

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

Tissue please....I admire your strength to be so positive.  It reminds me of how much I am grateful for in my life...Thank you for sharing your story with all of us.

 

Many blessings to you, Jack  and your family this Christmas...know you are loved and thought about!!!!

[Lauria Orr]

Jennifer, I have no idea where I have been to not know what you have been going through. I was moved to tears while reading your account. My heart does go out to you in a very real way, and I wish I was there to help in some way.  I am struck by your parents and their devotion to their girl. I was struck by many of the things you have shared.  I am grateful for your boss, your friend.  I am delighted you have your own therapy dog, like many of us here are blessed to have. My prayers and support are being sent your way, for more good days, and forward movement on your recovery. Doodle hugs....

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Jennifer I hope you continue to see improvement in your health! This is a lovely blog and you are an inspiration!  Hugs to you and Jack!

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

I need a second kleenex - what a beautiful woman you are inside and out.  God does amazing things and I believe when you give him control of your life it only gets better. Lots of love to you and Jack, you are in my prayers!!

[Mimi Linna, Lilly and Lolly]

oh Jennifer I am wrapping my arms around you in a big mama girl hug. I pray that your health gets better.