My Nothing Kind of Day!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I get accused a lot from my oldest daughter of doing nothing.  She will call me on the phone and ask me what I am doing and when I say, “nothing,” she usually says she is not surprised.  Whenever I call her and she doesn’t answer and I ask her later why she made me leave a message, she will puff up like a peacock and say in this hoity toity voice, “Mother, I have a job!  Some people work!”  It is so annoying because she stretches each word out into extra syllables and mother comes out sounding like MUTH-THER-ER!  Luckily, she has probably never heard of a Lazy Susan or that would be my new nickname.  She is usually wrong about what I am doing and I am usually doing something, but sometimes at the end of the day I can’t really tell you what I did all day, but I can tell you I am worn out from doing it.  

 

Today, I tried to get my husband to stay home from work, but he thinks doing something spontaneously only works if you have scheduled it on your calendar.  I really don’t think he has ever called in sick and if he has and I am just forgetting, he would have had something like the Bubonic Plague or just coughed out a lung and since I don’t remember any of that, I am pretty sure he has never called in sick. No amount of enticing could get him to change his mind and even when I said,  “We could go to Intercourse for the day,” all he said was, “No thanks, I don't care for Blue Ball."

My youngest has the same strange desire to get to work. School was a whole different ballgame and she could make me believe she was dying right up until the bus pulled away without her from the curb and then would turn and ask me if we could go out for lunch.  Usually I said, “you are in big trouble, but does Ruby Tuesdays sound good?”  Work is different and this winter, despite my warnings, she left in a snowstorm because she didn’t want them to be shorthanded.  It could have been that or I might have mentioned if we lost power we could be snowed in for days together and if things got desperate I might need her help in overtaking her father if we happened to run out of food.

 

Well, I decided today as I was thinking about all the things I had to do, laundry, mow the lawn, clean the bathrooms, etc. that today would be a nothing day.  It started when I let the dogs out and Vern came back into the house and ran smack dab into the screen door.  I had to stop what I was doing and rub his head for a bit and I kept telling him he was the smartest dog ever. 

SMARTEST DOG EVER!!

When I let him out the second time, he proved it by waiting for me to unlock the screen door. Once out, he jumped up on our porch swing.  There he sat swinging, doing nothing, and I thought I should join him. 

Seat cushion has been replaced. The original was done in by Vern, the swinger!

He gets so happy when you swing with him and we sat for a long time with his big paw on my chest and my head next to his and my arms around him.  We probably looked like a couple of “in-love” high school kids and I really did think it was the perfect start to any day.  The thing about Vern is he just breathes you in when he sits with you and I find it so totally endearing that it melts my heart every single time.  He makes you feel like he has never loved anybody more, right up until the moment he uses you as leverage to quickly get down to greet another occupant of the house or mix it up with Fudge.

 

A little later, I sat down on the couch and had both Fudge cuddling on one side and Vern pawing me on the other and I actually said out loud, “Who wants to do nothing today?”  Since my arm was up, Vern already had one paw out, and Fudge was on her back with all four paws in the air, I counted that as six yeses.

Fudge votes YES!

I knew Fudge would go along, because believe it or not, Fudge, with all her outside energy, is the perfect dog to stay inside with and do nothing.  She is the dog I would most likely want to watch a movie with or be sick with, because Fudge would be content to be beside you doing nothing for the entire day.  Vern, on the other hand, can do nothing for about an hour and then wants to interrupt your nothing time to see if maybe we could do something soon. 

 

So, since we were all in agreement, we set out to have a day much like a Seinfeld show about nothing. Even though my dogs raised their paws to do nothing, they still felt their walk was necessary, although I did warn them that pulling me into groundhog holes was something and I forbid it on our nothing day.  We sat at the top of a very large hill on a bench for a while and I took in all the sights and my dogs sat and faced me as if to say, “Are you kidding me? This nothing crap is really boring!” I contemplated if mowing the lawn counted as something and just as I decided I should do it before it rained, an overriding answer came from above and it began to rain. Well, any sane person knows that means to continue on with your nothing day, but we continued to walk.  I am one of the few people who loves to walk their dogs in rain, because I know it means most everyone else will be at home. All in all, we had three walks on our rainy, nothing day.

 

We had a wonderful day and then I started thinking about what to cook for dinner.  I finally decided in keeping with the theme for the day we should go out and when John arrived home I informed him of my decision.  Just so he didn’t think he had married a good for nothing woman, I also mentioned that I had cooked TWICE that week, which could be an all time world record for me and he said he only remembered me cooking once. I could see a kink in my nothing day forming right before my eyes.  This statement caused a back and forth about what constituted cooking and he felt putting corn in a pan of water and handing him hamburgers to grill did not involve cooking.  Even when I added I had also cleaned and cut up strawberries, he just laughed.  I kept saying I was getting full credit and then I added he had to decide if he wanted a pretty trophy wife or a gourmet chef, because he couldn’t have both.  Later, when I was retelling this story to my oldest daughter, she said, “which one of those are you supposed to be?” I ended up cooking dinner and made him swear I was getting full credit.

 

I’m not ashamed of my “do nothing” day. I think everyone should have a mental health day once in awhile or a do nothing day to recharge your battery.  I know not everyone thinks like me and I have a neighbor who just got laid off and still works all day out in her yard, or painting her deck, or cleaning this or that, or redoing something that I thought looked great.  One of these days I hope I look over there and see her sitting on her porch doing nothing.  Meanwhile, if you think my work ethic is substandard, I am going to follow an age-old tradition and blame it all on my mother, who has set the bar low for me.   When she introduces my sisters and me, she always says that this daughter is a Nurse Practitioner and this daughter has a great job at a University and then she always looks at me and adds, “Oh, and this is my youngest.  She has dogs!”

[Camilla and Darwin]

Ha ha Laurie, hysterical! I love nothing days! I spent an overly productive semester doing homework and studying so I've made up for it this summer by being exceptionally lazy. Today was more productive than some, , I read a book and watched 15 TED talk videos... and baked cookies. Ah summer is grand. :-) 

I love the visual of you swinging with Vern's paw on your chest. Adorable!

[a.k.a. Rodney]

Haha great blog!!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

@F, I love your "one thing a day" philosophy!

@Pat, JD went all the way through the screen door too, just like it wasn't there! 

[Pat and Traveler]

Love that sitting on the swing with Vern's big paw on you, and how Fudge is such a good do-nothing companion.  Trav ran into the screen door too, but he made it all the way through!

[F, Calla & Luca]

So glad you have gone to the dogs so to speak. And yes, we definitely all need nothing days. Given your mental health status you need more than most. I'm sure John can't argue with that or he'll end up certifying you perfectly sane. What a dilemma for him : ) As for me, I believe I have arrived at the stage of life where on my busy days I need to accomplish one thing over and above the activities of daily living like getting dressed and eating. So a trip to the supermarket qualifies. So does mowing the lawn. Well, you get the picture. Today I worked for a few hours so clearly nothing else major could get done.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Laurie, I love this blog, especially that description of sitting on the swing with Vern! Your nothing day sounds fabulous to me! I agree with you that everyone should have a "do nothing" day once in awhile, although I admit to having them often enough that my battery is always fully charged, lol.