The Dogs Ate My Homework! Part Two!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Wednesday night we had our second Photography class and it was the first time we got to see the other student’s work and get a feel for our competition.  If you are thinking to yourself that a Photography class should be all about improving your own work and not how your work compares to others, then I have to be honest and say you lost me.  If I had a 90-year-old grandma beside me in class who was due for cataract surgery in a week and had to operate the computer with gnarled hands, I would still view her as a threat unless the cataracts made her photos blurry.  Hey, it is who I am and we all have to accept our limitations.

 

Class started off a little iffy for me when I couldn’t get the computer sign on to work. First of all, last week I made a teeny weeny error in judgment when we were one of the first ones to class and I picked our seats.  Even though there was one desk that faced the others and a large screen behind that desk, it did not occur to me that it was the instructor’s desk until he arrived and sat down.  Because of my error, I was seated directly in front of the instructor and John was next in line.  This makes it hard to say things like, “uh oh, I can’t get my computer to work,” to John without involving the teacher.  I prefer to keep my ineptness between John and me and our friendly banter as man and wife private.  It also makes it easier for the teacher to hear me say, “John, stop telling me what to do. I know what I am doing,” and John to say back, “I can see that you do by the way your screen is not coming up.” Plus, it prevents me from telling John what is going to happen to him when we get home if he makes me look dumb one more time in Photography class.  Luckily, the teacher realized that we were on our way to divorce court if he didn’t intervene and helped me download my pictures for later viewing.  Since many of my pictures were of Fudge and Vern and he didn’t know my propensity yet to work those two Doodles into any assignment, I stated the obvious to him and told him I liked to photograph my dogs.  It also seems as if we are now stuck with our seats, because everyone sat in the exact same seat as last week.

 

Class was fun and we learned all about lighting and I took lots of notes.  He talked a lot about flash photography and mentioned that harsh lighting and flash directly facing your subject down the barrel of the camera lens can be unflattering for your subject and cause wrinkles to stand out on a person.  Later, he quizzed us and did that thing that teachers do to see if we had been listening and asked us what can a flash cause a person to have in a photograph.   Because most of us are still shy, he started to mouth the answer to help us along and as most of the class shouted out, “red eye,” I yelled out, “wrinkles,” which made John start to giggle.  I can’t help that the rest of the class didn’t know what was more important to a 55-year-old woman.  The good thing is it didn’t matter to me that it was Laurie against the rest of the class, I knew I was right.

You be the judge:

 

I mentioned before this is an advanced class and before you think I had to submit pictures of my work to get into this class, let me just say that the beginner class was full, so the instructor said we could try this class and he would help as much as he could if needed, but we couldn’t hold the class back.  John and I were both worried that we might be in over our heads, but most of our fears were alleviated last night when the woman seated next to John started telling us about these amazing buttons and dials on the camera you can use that allow you to shoot in something other than automatic mode.

She said it to us with such wonder in her voice, like she had just discovered the Holy Grail, that I didn’t have the heart to burst her bubble and say, “duh.” After that, we both relaxed and knew we at least knew more than one woman in class. I noticed the same woman also seemed to need John’s “help” a lot and he was much nicer to her than he was to me when I asked him a question.  I was getting a lot of hold ons and just a minutes, while she was getting smiles and answers.  At one point, I leaned over and whispered, “I am drawing the line if your new girlfriend asks to see your hard drive or your big lens.”

This is the first time I have ever had my photographs displayed on a large screen for total strangers to view and critique.  The first girl who led off had amazing photographs. I knew from her questions that she was going to be creative and she did not disappoint. One girl had all bird pictures and despite the fact that we were only supposed to bring a few images to class, must have thought that meant to bring every picture she had ever taken of a bird since first grade to class and she had many.  Now, I like birds, but after the twentieth shot of him asking about what kind of bird it was and her answering in great detail, I wanted to yell out, “screw the birds and get to the Fudge and Vern pictures!”  In addition, we saw shots of an art museum in Philadelphia, zombies, family portraits, and Disney fireworks.  Finally, our moment of truth arrived and John went first.  He only had two images and both of them were of Vern.  I don’t like to accuse anyone of copying, but last I heard he was bringing in a picture of a patch of moss or two doves mating or something and then Vern’s face appeared on the screen.

The assignment had been to take a photo representing there is no time like the present and when asked what his thought process was, John stated he just liked the picture. WTD? Did I have to carry this family in Photography class?  His next picture was of me trying to snap a picture of Vern and Vern rolling in the grass.  For this picture, he stated he liked my seriousness and Vern’s spontaneity.  Unfortunately, what the teacher saw and pointed out was me holding my camera with one hand, which is a big no no.  I tried to explain that I was holding a squeaker in the other hand (thanks, Ronna) to get Vern’s attention and at all other times, my hand position is stellar, but he just laughed.  I also forgot when I smacked John in class and said, “thanks a lot for getting me in trouble,” that the class was filled with people with cameras and possible witnesses if John chose to file assault charges. The instructor did say later he thought some of the students took liberties with the assignment and while he didn’t point fingers directly at John, I tilted my head in John’s direction to let everyone in class know who I thought he meant.

 

Finally, we got to my photos.  I had one of Vern going down a slide with a no pets sign nearby….as in there is no time like the present to break the rules.

I told the class that the day I set that photo up just as I had Vern posed on the slide, the park Ranger drove by and the teacher said not to mention this class if I got caught.  I told him I had already decided to give him as a reference along with his email in the future. Another of Fudge with a ball….as in there is no time like the present to play ball. 

He liked that photo and cropped it closer to just a portion of her face and it did look cool, but no way would it have made the Doodle Calendar with that crop and in my opinion, that is far more important than artistic cropping.  He loved the photo of Vern with the donuts and especially liked it when I said I served the donut nearest Vern's nose to John right after the photo shoot and John yelled, "WHAT??"  I should have stopped there, but I stuck in one picture of a bridge which was supposed to represent there is no time like the present to overcome an obstacle.

Everything about the picture was bland and boring, but I wanted to show that I could take a picture of something besides Fudge and Vern only to learn I really can’t when he used my photo as an example of poor lighting.  I knew I was in trouble when he started off with, “Laurie, no offense, but,” which even a dummy knows means there is no time like the present to burst Laurie’s bubble.  Later, as we were leaving class he said again that he hoped he hadn’t offended me and I told him next week I was planning on bringing him that bridge picture to him in an 8x10 glossy.  He was still laughing when I left the classroom.

 

Here is what I learned in week two of class. 

 

1. Take pictures of what you like. I like dogs. I don’t like bridges.
2. If Hayley tells you your bridge picture stinks, don’t say, “you stink more,” just don’t take the bridge picture to class.
3. Hayley likes to say, “I told you so,” upon hearing what the instructor said about your bridge picture.
4. Don’t sweat the small stuff.  The instructor said this to me more than once and even though I wanted to say, “I’m in menopause, buddy,” he had a point.
5. We need more stuff for better pictures and buying photography equipment is like a crack habit, according to our instructor.  I also learned people react differently when hearing about new Photography equipment.  I react with, “oh boy, I want one,” and John reacts with, “oh crap, now she wants one.”
6. I don’t like the new nickname John has for me, Crackhead.
7. Do not have your photos follow the creative girl’s in class. Follow the guy who described his fireworks photos as a hot mess.
8. Do not follow John. He will copy your idea and then it looks like you copied him.
9. Do not hit in class.

   10. Sit between John and his girlfriend so you can body block her and get quicker and more individualized attention.

   11. Wait to hear others yell out the correct answers and then chime in like you know it, too.

   12. Bring a book to read during the bird narratives.

   13. I love Photography class!!

P.S. Thanks, Camilla!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, That nickname is reserved for just John. LOL I wish you could go to class with us, although I bet you would be asking for John's help, too :) John keeps saying he is having fun. I think he admitted defeat years ago :)

Karen, Thank you!! I do like the teacher and he is funny!! Whew....breathing a sigh of relief that JD is on my side.

Wendy, I didn't do anything. Vern is afraid of a lot of things....but for some reason, he LOVES slides. Fudge, not so much, but she will go down one. I do get really excited and make a super big deal about it and we have also gone down with him :) Good luck!

Thanks, Sandy. I think you are a crackhead, too :) LOL

Thanks, Lori!

Camilla, Thanks. It is clear to me that Photography teachers are bossy....LOL!! Yes, I am working on your class, too :) LOL

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

I'm really not sure how you do it but each blog makes me laugh a little more than the one before.  I am so glad that you are liking your photography class, but I'm wondering if John will ever sign up for one with you again!!  What I would give to be a fly on the wall in that class, or better yet, a participant!  I could make your pics look REALLY REALLY good, Crackhead!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

LOL, Laurie, this is one of the only posts about photography that I have ever found interesting or funny!

I think you are going to be teacher's pet in no time, especially because it sounds like he has a sense of humor.

And I love that doughnut picture, too! 

PS:Although JD does not practice family law, he says he will be happy to represent you in the event that anyone does file assault charges against you. I know you are relieved to hear that. :) 

[Wendy and Myla]

That's hilarious!!!  I do have a "non photographic" question - How did you get Vern to go down slides?  I can get Myla up to the top but no matter what treats I put on the slide, she will turn around and go back down to the ground and try to get them!

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

Loved the photos and your, as always, witty commentary!  

[Camilla and Darwin]

Laurie, love this blog! The class sounds so fun and helpful, I can't wait to see more of your photos for that class in our photography group. :-)