The Wedding Jar and Saving For Your Next Big Vacation! (Slightly R rated)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

It occurred to me recently that I have been sitting on a gold mine idea for a very long time for saving for any big vacation.  I guess the 2013 Cruise "jarred" my memory. For years, when someone in our family or circle of friends got married, I have given them a wedding saving’s jar along with a letter I have written.  Since I would hate to have the newly married couple say, “Are you kidding me with this gift? All we are getting is a letter and a jar?” we also include a check to get the couple started with their saving’s plan.  Years ago I read a Dear Abby column and I made a few changes to the original column and wa-la a gift is born.  Along with the letter, I buy some kind of jar or bank.  If I buy a jar, I usually put a funny label on it to add some levity to the occasion. Once, when my niece married a guy by the name of Holliday, I was able to find a huge, blue piggy bank that said, “Holiday Fund,” but the odds of that happening again with a name like Smith or Jones are almost nil. 

Each wedding, I make some minor changes to the letter, but for the most part, the message is the same.  It goes something like this:

 

Uncle John and I would like to take a moment and congratulate you on getting married.  A few years back I wrote this letter to a co-worker and his new wife and have continued this tradition when friends or family get married.  In most cases, I am able to find a cute little jar to include with this letter.  Unfortunately, because your last name is Holliday, I came across a huge, monstrosity of a jar, which I thought made perfect sense. However, when I wrapped it, I had visions of you two looking at each other and saying, “Aunt Laurie is an idiot.”  Allow me to explain.

 

Uncle John and I have been married for a long time and we feel we have earned the right to give a few tips to newlyweds.  Years ago, when we were first married and right before Abe Lincoln took office, I read an article in the paper that really caught my attention.  A daughter wrote into Dear Abby and said her parents were celebrating their 25^th wedding anniversary by going on a wonderful vacation to the Bahamas.  This trip had been entirely funded by money saved in their money jar.  Her parents had decided when they first got married that every time they made love they would put a dollar in the jar.  No matter how hard times got, they never touched the money that accumulated in their jar until this trip.  As the dad boarded the plane, he whispered to his daughter that tonight he and her mother were going to start saving for their 50^th wedding anniversary trip.

 

Well, after I read this article, I was really sold on this idea and told John I wanted to start our own money jar. He was reluctant at first and said it didn’t seem like the smartest way to save money, but I was insistent.  I think I used the argument that I bet this was how Richard Burton bought the Hope Diamond for Elizabeth Taylor.  He said something like, “great, let’s call yours the Hopeless Diamond”, but I bought the jar anyway and labeled it in big red letters, “Things I Have to Do to Get a Vacation Fund” and we started saving.

 

Recently, we decided to crack open our money jar and start planning our second honeymoon.  Honestly, I have to say that we were not as diligent as the couple in the story and did dip into our jar now and then.  Once when the kids needed lunch money, I said, “get $5.00 out of that rusty looking jar next to our bed” and then they yelled back, “there is only $2.84 in it.”  O.K., I know I said one dollar for every time you make love, but sometimes John and I might say to the other “that didn’t seem worth a dollar, give me back some change.” 

 

We wouldn’t be giving you this giant jar if we didn’t think it could work. The only reason I am telling you about some of our downfalls is because old people like to give advice to newlyweds. So, listen up!  DO NOT use IOUs, Chuck E Cheese tokens, or Monopoly money in your jar. Use only cold hard cash. Secondly, I am not going to mention any names, but this person used to come home from work every year on my birthday and yell, “Where is the birthday girl? I just got paid and I got some dollar bills to spend!” and then get mad when that person yelled back, “she is out buying herself something she really wants for her birthday!” or something equally clever.  More advice…people want real gifts for their birthday and by real, I mean store bought.

 

(Bride and Groom), I think you can learn from our mistakes and this giant pig bank might be your best wedding gift EVER if you follow our advice.  We are hoping you fill this pig with lots of love and cash and that you always find time for laughter.  We hope someday your kids watch you board a plane to someplace fabulous all the while thinking, “Gross, my parents have sex!”  Meanwhile, we have counted out the contents of our jar and we’ll be off to Gettysburg soon with our packed lunches.

 

Well, with all this talk about cruises and saving our pennies, I just knew this was the perfect time to talk about how John and I have saved for our ONE big trip in 34 years of wedded bliss in the hopes that more of you can go on the next cruise.  We have already begun saving for the 2013 cruise and luckily, since Jane told us to bring $100 in one dollar bills and we used almost none of them on the last cruise, we have money to blow.  Or should I say, we would have, if I had not sold $40 of the ones to Clark and Dave, paid the dog sitter $30 in ones, used $19 for gas, paid $4.00 for misc. food at the airport, doled out 3 ones to room service one morning, and put $4.00 in our vacation fund.

We would have used more in tips, but usually John added it to our Ship and Sail card and one time he used the excuse that he did not know he was supposed to tip. This happened the first time we had breakfast delivered to the room.  I was taking a shower and when I came out and asked John what he had tipped, he said he didn’t know he was supposed to tip the guy.  Luckily, his description of the room service guy was so detailed….he had brown hair and spoke with an accent…..that I was able to narrow it down to almost every worker on the ship. Because I did not want to become the cruisers most likely to get their food spit on when we ordered room service again, I told Jeffrey, our room steward, what happened in the hopes that he could help.  Based on John’s description, he couldn’t help, but he said he would keep his ears open in the employee lounge for talk of any cruising cheapskates and he would know they were talking about “Mr. John.”

Now, if you are reading this thinking, “What if my significant other won’t pay to have sex with me?” Well, I can’t save the world, but I can tell you to be creative.  For instance, another tip Jane told us was to wipe down our room immediately upon arrival with antibacterial wipes. 

I forwarded all of Jane’s email to John, but it was clear he read none of them because as soon as I donned my rubber gloves and cracked opened the wipes, he said, “is this the part where you tell me to bend over and cough?”

I could have explained about Jane’s tips or the warning on the label of the wipes that said, “not for human skin,” but instead I said, “that will be $1.00 please.”  I referenced the $4.00 already saved in our vacation jar and this includes $1.00 for “something is starting to burn.  Did you say those wipes were chemical free?"..... $1.00 for “I am sorry, John, but as is means as is,” ….$1.00  for “one dollar really doesn’t buy much anymore, does it?”….. and lastly, $1.00 for “lemon laws only apply to defective automobiles, Laurie.”

 

If you are reading this thinking, “I don’t have a significant other, now what?” I will tell you the same thing that I once heard Steve Martin tell an audience in his comedy routine, “How to make a million dollars and not pay taxes.”  First, you make a million dollars.  Somewhere in that sentence is the answer to all of our problems.

[Jennifer and Jack]

I so would love to go on the next cruise.. I do have a jar.. no dollars only change....... I am still waiting for my refund from not going on the last cruise as I had insurance.. if I get that money I will use it for the down payment of the next cruise... otherwise I can't afford it.. plus I need a room mate.. so we will see.

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

OMD!  I love the part about having only $2.84 in the jar!  By now you have probably realized why I had to travel alone : (

[Bonnie and Kona]

I am with you, Jane!

[Camilla and Darwin]

DH and I have been sad that we haven't gone on any trips for a couple of years. Maybe we should try this... LOL 

This is a really good wedding gift idea!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

BTW, this could be a new definition of cheap date : ) Perhaps you did not account for inflation since the 1800's.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

OMD, there's got to be an easier way to "make a buck".  ROFLMAO on this one, Laurie. 

[F, Calla & Luca]

You are lucky Karen. I have two SOs but they bathe less frequently and often sleep in my bed : )

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

LOL, Laurie! Since the only "significant other" around here sleeps on the floor and only bathes once a month, I guess I better go buy some lottery tickets!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Laurie I was really getting worried until you included that last bit of advice and now all is OK. And as The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel owner advised" It will be all right in the end, and if it's not all right, it's not the end. I hate to tell you this at the end of a lovely/funny blog but I am thinking of not sending you an invitation to any future weddings : )

[Julie, Izzie & Max]

Laurie, you are just too funny.  I kept thinking about going on the cruise because you were going and I knew you would keep everyone laughing.  We have a small business and could not take a whole week off at that time.  I love the jar and letter for a wedding gift.  I know it has to be their most memorable gift.

I always love your blogs.