Bonding Issues

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

My DH is back from his trip to China and has been here in FL for the past few days, he'll leave tomorrow for NYC and fly home as usual for the weekend.  DH would be the first person to say that we got Rooney so that I would not be so lonely down here in FL.  We've been here full time a little over a year, and I am making friends but this is 98% a couples golf community.  As I am alone all week Rooney has been wonderful for me.  We talk walks, go to the dog park, take obediance class, etc. together.  I'm with him all day long unless he goes to puppy sitter's while I play golf  - I just adore my puppy.  Well, this past weekend DH started saying things about how "attached" Rooney is to me.  That he cried when I left, etc.  So last night I finally asked him if there was a problem and (this is sad) he admitted that he is a little jealous, that Rooney is such a mommies baby and that he doesn't feel that Rooney is bonding to him at all.  You have to understand that the two labs (RIP) that we have had were always more DH dogs.  He is an animal lover and animal are always been more drawn to him than me - I think Rooney being a bit standoffish to him has hurt his feelings.  Right now Rooney is going through a phase (I hope) where he must think I'm really his mom - he is fine if I leave him alone but if I leave him and DH is home he cries.  He won't even go outside to potty with DH unless I go too.  He acts very much like a human toddler - holding up his paws for me to pick him up etc.  I hate that my sweet dog loving husband feels left out of Rooney's attachment.  Any suggestions would be welcome understanding that DH is home only on weekends.   Is this normal?  Anyone else have this issue?

[Shelby and Kev]

I do believe that your situation is quite normal.  Sorry DH, but mommy is always with her.  I dont have any good suggestions because it is up to Rooney.  Right?  Shelby is quite the daddys girl.  I walk her, take her for car rides, brush and bathe her so I do know this bond was made with me and yes, she doesnt want to go outside without me too.  I do feel for the DH but it is what it is and have him try to do some of the things I do.  It wont hurt.  Bless you and we love you Rooney!   GrrDoodle!

[Lesley, Wellington & Bingley]

 

Does your husband feed Rooney when he is at home? Or take him for walks/play time alone?  Rooney is naturally more attached to you as you are his primary care giver - providing food, play time and walks daily.

 

Try to get your husband involved as much as possible when he is home at weekends. Perhaps buy a new toy that you know Rooney will LOVE and save it just for your husband to use with Rooney.

 

Encourage them to have their own time - perhaps their own special walk, trip to the park, play time ect And try to encourage your husband to use treats during training which will really help get Rooney onboard =)

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Jane it's called a momma's boy and I have one too.  Bandit doesn't get excited when DH comes home, he doesn't really instigate any contact with him, and yes he will cry and cry and howl and cry if Rosey and I are both gone.  But Rosey is daddy's girl so it works out. When you get your 2nd, maybe a girl for you DH:)

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

DH was spending some time alone taking Roo on a walk or going to the puppy park but just lately Roo just isn't "into" him - at all.  Kinda a recent development so I was hoping it was just a phase.  It is DH's birthday today and he is still in town so tonight we all (me, DH & Rooney) are going out for a casual bite to eat and then we are going to Rooney's obediance class.  A first for DH.  Should be fun.  When our next puppy comes - DH won't be around any more than he is now so I doubt the outcome will be different, might have to get a 3rd if DH ever retires :0)

[Robyn, Greg and Snickers]

We bad this problem early on. I am away during the day and DH works from home. snickers quickly bonded with him but me it took longer. One reason I think was because I am totally new to dog ownership so I was trying to do everything by the book while DH and Snickers scampered, took long walks and even napped together ( hubby on couch Snickers on the floor next to him). The real turning point came when we went to obedience class which you are going to do. The trainer said I should do most of the exercises with Snicks because he did not see me as a leader in the house. Honestly after 2-3 sessions he became very attached to me. This wknd even I was not feeling good and he laid outside the bedroom door the whole 3 hrs I napped. DH couldnt even get him to come down for a walk. The one on one time training really made a big difference. Maybe it will help your situation. 

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

This is interesting because I remember reading in one of my "dog books" that regardless of who feeds, walks and plays with a dog, the person it will become the most bonded to is the one who trains it. 

 

Jane, perhaps your DH can become more involved with training Rooney during his at homes times.

[Lynn D.]

Heh, just the opposite! I do everything for/with Echo. And everytime he sees/hears SO, that is who he wants to be with, or DD.  :( 

[Adina P]

I think this is fairly normal for a dog who spends most of its time with one person.  You are the one he's with the vast majority of the time--not sure there is any way around that.  It may just take Rooney longer or he may favor you forever.  Training is the biggest thing that bonded Rosco to me...and frankly since I've been focusing my energies on Boca, I would say Rosco is pretty much even in his preference for me or Clark.  It's been a while since I've invested time into working Rosco...longer since I've trained him to do anything new.  I would think that 'training' Rooney only for a couple days on the weekend isn't feasible, YOU would still be Rooney's MAIN trainer and his favorite person.  But DH could take him out and run him through his paces and do things with him.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

In the past my DH had a job that required he travel quite a bit. We had sometimes one and sometimes 2 dogs during that time and they were definitely mommies babies!! And DH was jealous of our closeness and felt like an outsider similar to your DH.

 

But with Tara, DH is home all the time as I am and she, even though I do most of her training, is pretty evenly divided between the two of us. I would say she is a little more bonded with me but really not that much and it may go back to the fact that I do most of her training.

[Leslie and Halas]

I like the idea of a special game that Rooney only gets to play with DH.  I don't really wrestle with Halas, because sometimes he gets too rough.  But there are a couple of select people that he gets to wrestle with, and he loves that.  He's always very excited to see his wrestle partners, and he's much better at not being too rough with them for some reason.  These aren't people that have to discipline or feed him, so it's not the same situation as yours, but I think that having that one special thing that they can do together will help Rooney and DH grow closer.

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

We got Gracie Doodle at 6 weeks old and by 8 weeks we had hired a personal trainer to come to our home to work with us and Gracie.  We both trained equally together.  DH would do the morning walks and work on her training, I would then work on it throughout the day.  He again would do it in the evening.  Also, the minute he walks in the door, even to this day, it is all about Gracie.  He would get on the floor and love her and play with her.  The entire time he is home at night she is by his side.  We both spent equal time with her from day one.  I am the one who takes her to the Vet, grooms her, combs her, does her nails and stuff like that.  We both take turns giving her a bath. I would say Gracie is evenly split between both of us, though she does default to DH when he is home because he is her big toy.  He goes in and out the back door working on his car or some project so she goes right out with him.  He throws her balls and has games he plays with her.  He is the softy and I am the disciplinarian!!!  He gives treats...I do not!  Which ever one of us is going on an errand, she goes with us.  I really think if your DH could spend more one on one time with Rooney and play with him more it would help.  Mine has a "go find" game he plays with the tennis ball.  That is their game so I don't do it because it is special.  Grace is my baby and love bug but it does seem when DH is around and leaves or comes home, she is right at the door watching him.  I think she takes me a little more for granted because I am her "soft spot to land" and she can count on me and knows I will always be there.  She does just fine when I leave for a week but is very excited when she rides to the airport to pick me up.  Such a happy, well adjusted baby!!!  The training is a big part of their becoming attached to you...I do have to say though..my daughter's husband is going through the same thing with their Rhodesian Ridgeback.  They are eventually going to get a second one for him.  When they do she will drive down here with Luna and stay for two weeks and he will take vacation time, stay home and bond with the new pup during that time!!!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Daisy spends all day with me at work, I feed her breakfast, I treat her at work and I give her lots of affection. DH is Daisy's playmate. When we get home from work she climbs into her bed and waits for him to come home. When that garage door opens she is up and waiting at the back door. They play while I make dinner then we sit down to dinner and Daisy eats hers when she finishes she goes to her bed again to wait for us to finish then the game is on (usually chase me) with Daddy.

Daisy is at my feet right now cause DH is getting dinner ready (how'd that happen?). Later we three will take a walk in the neighborhood and then she will play a bit more from getting energized from the walk She gravitates to him because he is more fun than I at home. I don't mind, in fact I encourage it, Mommy needs a break sometimes too.

I think when DH is home he should be the responsible one for Rooney, everything, you can be there but DH should be the caregiver for sure. It will all work out.

Boy men can be such babies can't they. (wink wink) ;-)