Advice on how to be Assertive... For the Dog Park!?!?!

[Chelsea and Bailey]

Well let me just start by saying Assertiveness is not my strong suit.  I am on the shyer side and care what people think of me, so I tend to not speak up when in an uncomfortable situation. Lately I have been experiencing a couple of situations at work (I am a new RN) where a more experienced nurse- by about 20 years I might add, likes to talk down to me and treats me like im 12 years old (I look quite young for my age).  So I have been trying to work on my assertiveness and stand up for myself and learn proper techniques, but obviously i've failed miserably because now I am getting run over by people at the dog park!

 

The situation is this... I live in a smaller city, we only have one dog park and it has no member rules at all.  We have been taking Bailey 3-5x a week since she got her 16 week shots. She is now 6 months old.  I have noticed that there is a group of older women that congregate together with their dogs and are NOT friendly to any one else. Bailey will go up and play with their dogs, and she is a puppy so she is running and jumping and mouthing the dogs, and some of the woman will literally give me a dirty look and shoo her away.  Funny thing is, the doodle owners are the worst!!! There is one woman who is always there and owns a labradoodle, Bailey loves him and immediately goes to play with him and he is obviously older and not as playful, but I can tell her doesnt mind her, and this woman pushed Bailey away, then yelled at me to take my dog!  I am a firm believer that the dogs work out amongst themselves who likes who, and if the dog doesnt want Bailey around they will show it and Bailey will leave them.  It happened again today! I am so mad right now I want to report this stupid woman. I used to be more careful and was worried that the dogs owners would get annoyed with her jumping and playing with their dogs, but I soon realized that they can work things out on their own. Bailey is very submissive so if the dog shows any dominance she will back away.I think that if you dont want your dog to play with others, then dont bring them to the dog park!  On top of it they gossip about people and their dogs in the local dog boutiques, I have overheard more then a couple times. 

 

 

I guess I just want advice on what I should do or say... Or am I in the wrong to not respect their wishes on keeping Bailey away? What can I do or say in a respectful way that will help to ease the tension between the group and people like us.. the "outsiders".  It makes me feel bad about even going there.  Honestly, I think they use my age against me (just like in the above work situation), almost like my age is not accepted there and neither is my dog.  I am 22, yes I look 16, but I dont think that makes me an irresponsible dog owner, the whole reason I even go to the dog park is to get Bailey excercise and make sure she is socialized well... UGH. It makes me sad.

 

This is me and my DH on my 22nd Bday.

 

This is us at the Dog Park

 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

I used to tell my sons to say anything they like and please speak up even to older adults.  The rules: As long as you are polite; no cussing, no name calling, do not use the word YOU in the sentence.   Do use I feel, I see, I realize etc.  Try to be empathetic, understanding, and accepting of another persons opinion even if it is different than yours.  Listen with equal time. 

Okay--YEAH RIGHT!  LOL

As for the dog park then maybe you could ask. " I see you are regulars here. It is nice to meet you. My name is.......   Ask them if it would be good to have a puppy area?   Ask them if there are rules to this park because you see NONE listed.  By asking questions you are forcing them to speak with you.  You will also find out what exactly their bitchy problem is???  

If they have such an opinion certainly they will let you know.  Get all their ideas and be ready with your polite come back ( of course your opinion)  Get it all out in the open now!   Bailey will be at this park for many years to come. You will want to have a nice time  <--that is the bottom line.

I don't think it is your age and obviously you are a very smart young lady if you are an RN.

Good Luck!   Hope you all find a PEACEFUL resolution.  A bad start can last for years.   You want to have fun   :)

 

 

[Joe R.]

I was think of things you could do while I was reading your post, but I think don't think I could improve on what Joanne said on the dog park problem. As for your issue with the older RN at work I think she might feel threatened by you. Do you work in a hospital? If so I've seen this in emergency rooms between some of the nurses. Stay respectful of her experiance, but don't take any crap from her either. I'm sure other more senior nurses along with the doctors you work with have seen this with this individual.

[Sharon & Monty]

i most certainly agree with Joanne on this one.  However........some people are just (women esp) are simply bitches about what they think, who they associate with, etc..  don't take it personally if that is the case, if you identify that as the problem, certainly move on and be glad you did!  You are a very astute woman, use it.  :)  btw, us older women are intimated by you young educated gals!  LOL

[F, Calla & Luca]

Good advice J. I would also tell this woman, very politely, that she should not push your dog . the dogs are there to play and if she doesn't want her dog to play with yours she should leave unless your dog if truly aggressive or exhibiting some very inappropriate behavior.

Sad to say, some of these "ladies" may be envious of your youth and good looks : )

[Chelsea and Bailey]

Thank you so much for the response! I definitely will have to gain some nerves befroe I could talk to them tho... Honestly at this point I dont feel like being nice, haha.  Buuuut I do see the point that we will all have to be there together and I'd rather not have rude things spread about me as well.  So I guess my job for the weekend will be to think of something nice to say that will get my point across... hopefully we'll get out there today sometime, but its really cold right now so I dont think I could handle meanness and freezing! Haha!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

You may want to pretend you are an actress.  You will catch more flies with sugar.  Flies might be too nice a name for these clique ladies. 

Really, you don't have to say anything nice. You could annoy them by asking them questions.  It will come back to them unless they are savvy enough to keep responding " why do you ask?"    In this way they will say what they are thinking.  Also, by hearing what they are thinking--they will hear they are the ones not being nice.

At this time, I have a lot of questions for the Fly Ladies myself.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Chelsea, I am so sorry this is happening to you. It doesn't matter how old you are, you are due respect as a human being. I don't know what you should say to the women at the dog park but Joanne sure has some good suggestions. Your darling puppy is not doing anything wrong but to approach the group with kindness and respect will hopefully bring respect in return. I hope things work out well for your sake and for your sweet doodle. Keep us posted!

 

 

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Um, it's a dog park, not a human park....next time someone tells you to get your dog (Bailey) just say, I'm sorry is she doing something wrong? She will have to reply and then you can answer in the appropriate way.

Seriously I can't see why anyone would want Bailey away from them, she is totally adorable.

I love the picture of the other puppy and her playing, is that a german shepard? Too bad you just can't make play dates with the ones that she plays with.

[Adina P]

I think dogs that are causing a nuisance shouldn't be at the dog park.  That's not most puppies.  Most puppies can be annoying, but if they aren't hurting or trying to hurt another dog...aren't peeing on people...etc...then that's what those women should EXPECT at a dog park--especially one without rules.  Dog parks aren't the place to go if you expect perfectly polite, mindful, obedience champions to walk around sniffing and playing alone.  Dog parks are where you go and don't mind other dogs playing with your dog, perhaps being annoying, perhaps bugging each other a bit much.  So I think you're in the right in this situation.

 

But what to say?  I guess it can't hurt to introduce yourself and try to be friendly.  Don't expect them to become your friends, but at least you'll have broken the ice and then if they have an issue they might TELL you and you can then tell them that's what dog parks are for...for dogs to run and have fun and sometimes they'll pester each other to play but as long as no dog gets aggressive or hurts anyone...it's all fair.  I'm like you, I'm pretty shy and non-confrontational in the real world (despite my opinionatedness on here). 

[Sharon & Monty]

Dog parks are for dogs, not humans to decide who likes whom......:) LOl women............ :P

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Oh no. No peeing on people.  Spud peed on several people at our dog park.  Eee Gad!  We quickly made the appointment to have him neutered  LOL   It worked.

[Lorraine Bromley]

We were at the dog park today and this little guy comes in and starts marking everything infront of him. Neely almost got his nose peed on trying to sniff his butt, apparently he was marking Neely too. But after I was talking to the owner he was saying that even though he is fixed he still marks everything and he is even afraid when people stand still when his dog approaches as he said he'll pee on people too. Thankfully it is a small dog and doesn't pee that high! He was really funny though and cute. On a cold day maybe a warm pee would warm the sole!?