Ever Have Second Thougths About your Doodle?????

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

After dealing with another medical issue with Sydney are we the right Doodle Moms?  As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I ask, Have any of you had second thoughts about having brought your Doodles into your homes?  Well, we have......both Kathy and I have had conversations many, many times about Sydney our first Doodle......As tears stream from my eyes, I must share with you that Sydney was not what each of you know what a Doodle would look like as you brought each of your Doodles into your homes. We have been disappointed not only with how Sydney looks, but the fact that she sheds and most importantly, that she has had lots of medical issues from the time she was a puppy.  We grew up with that "guilty complex" that keeps us fom what others would find easier to do what suits their lifestyle.  I know that resentment towards our breeder is not the answer.  Perhaps finding out what the "Reason for our having our "SYDNEY" may be the answer some day.  All of you on DK cannot probably relate to our feelings since we see how your expectations have been met.  We are wondering what is the real reason to have Sydney in our lifes?

[F, Calla & Luca]

I would encourage your to try medication, Nancy. It can make a great deal of difference and might make Gordie and you a lot happier. Isn't he the dog who has seemed depressed at times too. Antidepressants are the drugs of choice for both anxiety and depression , which it seems to me describes some of Gordie's emotional states.

[Diana Erhart]

You are not alone.  Charlie is now coming up on his 5th birthday but for many months, at least the first year or two, that we had him there were days when I was beside myself.  There were many times I considered sending him back to the breeder and just sat and cried over what a terror he was.  We wanted a sweet little puppy who would be happy sitting and being loved.  What we got was a crazy puppy who bit the back of my legs at every step, ran around like a maniac, would do a helicopter spin any time you took him out of the house and didn't want you to touch him at all.  After a few months I found several great trainers who helped me with the behavioral issues.  And like was mentioned before he just eventually started being more loving and sweet.  I also have the guilt complex whenever I want to do something.  I find myself cutting trips to the mall short because I don't want to leave him by himself too long.  But I have found a wonderful daycare and now I try to take him there at least one day a week and spend time doing things that I want to do.  As for the reason Sydney is in your life....what I have found over the years is that many times you don't know the reason for something until many years after the fact.  But if you sit down and really contemplate it, I bet you can come up with very special moments since Sydney has been in your life....sometimes it is just the little smile brought to your face or that one time she actually seemed to understand what you were thinking.  Good luck and please always feel that you can vent, complain, cry, etc. to your doodle family here.

[Lynne of Fountain Falls]

Wow!  I'm reading all of these replies and having a lot of different reactions.  First let me say that I applaud the bravery and honesty to put this blog on doodle kisses.  The replies appear to be heartfelt and sincere.  Let me address this from a breeders prospective:  

I make every effort to breed the healthiest dogs possible, following the guidelines of doodle kisses, GANA, poodle club of America and golden retriever club of America.  I test for temperament, screen prospective owners, and keep data on every puppy whose parents will respond to my request for information.   I'm available to new puppy families that are having difficulties and try to head off problems by being available for consultation.  All that being said, most people that have not raised a puppy have no idea what a huge commitment they are signing themselves up for. Some remember the dog their parents raised for them and don't know what work it took.   It is hard, frustrating, and life changing to bring a puppy into your life.  Some are easier then others but they all take  much work and commitment.  This sounds to me like anything in life that really matters.  Careers, marriage, CHILDREN, but look what we get in return.  In the midst of the toys, tennis shoes, soccer balls, dog hair, loud music and yes dogs, there is so much reward( along with heartache, frustration and a lot of hair pulling).

 

I think forums like this, trainers, ethical breeders and of course, fellow dog lovers are all willing to help you get through your specific problems.  As a mother of six children and a teacher of 32 years, I know that each dog, child, person, you meet and that comes into your life, has something to teach you.   The more you put into the dog, the more you will get.  

The medical issues are another subject entirely.  Each person has to decide how far they are willing to go.  I have my own beliefs and each person must decide at what point the quality of life of the animal is being adversely affected.  Financial situations must also be considered.  This is another aspect of buying a puppy that should be discussed with new puppy families. Has your breeder not offered to compensate for the medical issues.  That is so wrong on so many levels.

My hope for you is that you can find a way to resolve your issues with you pup and that you can become a family.  The first step may be to accept her, shedding hair and all.  I agree with the responder that thinks maybe your best option would be to find a family that would treasure Sidney for who she is instead of being disappointed  that she is not living up to their expectations.  Every dog deserves that. I hope that you can seek out what is good and accept the bad (all puppies, children, horses and spouses come with both) because for me, my life would not be nearly as rich without my dogs. 

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

You are not alone. Not with my doodles, but with my last Siberia husky, Thor. I write this so you know that problems can occur with any dog. Thor was from a reputable breeder, who offered to exchange him for a new dog or give us outright an additional. Show quality dog. Thor developed epilepsy early in his life from a brain stem tumor. Of course. We kept him. We loved him for the rest of his too short life,8years. He also had a curly tail which appeared before the tumor and made him worthless as a show dog. Certainly changed our ideas of how we would spend our post children years. But he was a much loved pet.

We never discovered some reason for Thor coming to us. Just love, I guess and learning to adapt to life's small bumps.

Dogs,like people dont come with guarantees. Just love Sydney and wait to see how life works out

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I commend you for bringing this up and staying committed to Sydney despite your disappointment.  The reasons you have listed are reasons why so many doodles are ending up in shelters!  The expectations of getting that spunky, doodly doodle are so high. 

I guess I have a different situation - I expected Peri to shed.  She is an F1 and the breeder was up front with me on that.  I also didn't really know what she would look like, but you can tell from my photos, she is doodly as it gets.

Anyway, of course I have had 2nd thoughts.  She was a helacious puppy.  Out of control!  Still can be.  I have trained, trained, trained and it is paying off.  But I think most DK members would agree that there have been 2nd thoughts involved. 

I can get so mad at Peri and then look at her eyes and I melt.  She is such a love.  The real reason for having a dog is companionship, in my opinion.  How would you feel without her?  I for one cannot imagine either of my dogs not being around.  And my chihuahua is a royal pain to my wallet - kidney disease, teeth issues, etc...  But he is mine and I love him and I can't imagine another family having him. 

You will figure it out, in time.  And come to DK for support, any time!!!!

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I just realized you posted about Sydney and possible salmonella poisoning.  It is clear you care very much about her.  She is definitely in your life for a reason!

[Jennifer Tramell]

I can understand your feelings and, yes, there is a reason Sydney is in your life.  The interesting thing is, you might not know why she is in your life until she is gone. 

Prior to my 2 doodles, I had a golden retriever/border collie mix who was the "perfect dog" named Cody.  Five years after we adopted Cody, we found 2 little shepherd mix pups in the middle of a dark country road.  We found a home for one but finally accepted that the 2nd pup was staying with us.  Dixie was a great family dog but she could not be trusted with other people.  She nipped/bit several people and I lived in constant guilt about her behavior.  Her nipping was not aggression but rather either reactive or controlling (like a herding dog nipping at a sheep).  I spent 9 years feeling guilty that I hadn't done more to change Dixie's behavior, often wishing that we had found another home for her, and being afraid that she would seriously bite someone and we would lose her.  Dixie also shed like crazy, and decided that our finished basement was her potty place (?!?!?!?) .

We did not have children when we ended up with Dixie (we never chose to keep her, just couldn't find an acceptable home) but when she was 2 years old we brought our daughter home from Ukraine.  We worried that bringing home a toddler to a dog who didn't really like kids could be a problem.  Dixie took one look at our daughter and spent every night sleeping in her room, shadowing her, and keeping other dogs and people from getting too close.  Our "perfect dog" was fine but he loved everyone. 

The next year, I ended up single-handedly running the family payphone business.  I had over 100 payphones all over town which I had to drive to and service.  Guess who ended up spending days with me?  Dixie would sit in the back seat or at my side while I fixed phones.  If someone came too close, she'd give a look, possibly a low growl, and noone even thought about bothering me.  My "perfect dog" just sat wagging his tail, welcoming any visitors - he was quickly fired from the job.

A couple years later we brought our son home from Russia.  Daniel was almost 3 years old.  Dixie saw this new child and decided that here was someone new who needed her care and suddenly she was at his side.  Daniel would have night terrors, we think he was dreaming about Russia, and we couldn't stop his terrified cries.  We would call Dixie, put Daniel's arms around her neck, and he would stop crying and go back to sleep.  Our "perfect dog" slept through it all.

Two years ago, Dixie developed a large tumor on her throat.  She had another happy 6 months after the tumor and that gave us 6 months to reflect.  We realized that the dog who we didn't want had been specially selected by God.  We didn't know that we would adopt 2 young children who would need a best friend, we didn't know that I would be out fixing payphones in downtown Nashville.  God knew and gave us a helper.  My DH took Dixie to the vet as soon as she started suffering.  Exactly 1 week later, our "perfect dog" joined Dixie (he was 15 1/2 and just gave up on life when he saw Dixie gone).  We SOBBED for the loss of Dixie, yet our "perfect dog" needed fewer tears.  Now it is 2 years later and I still miss the security that Dixie provided.

Sydney is not the "perfect dog", but she may be what you need.  I don't know why but if you keep her in your life I believe you will look back and realize that she is what you needed at the time.

[BG and Gavin]

Beautiful story Jennifer.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jennifer, I am crying reading your story. Thank you for sharing about your wonderful Dixie!!

[Robyn, Greg and Snickers]

Snickers is my first dog, not my DH’s he had one growing up.  I grew up with cats, and let me tell you, they are very different animals.  I had not idea a dog needed so much attention.  The minute I get home from work, Snickers wants to play, run out side, then eat, then take his walk, then play some more.  There are times when all I want to do is come home from work, grab a glass of wine and sit on the couch and watch trashy TV, but I can’t because of this furball we brought into our lives. His needs and activities really rule our lives, I can’t imagine also having kids on top of it (KUDOS to those of you that do!) However to your point about why Sidney is in your life, there is a reason.  The second cat I had growing up was literally a street urchin, he was 1 years old and pathetically roaming my neighborhood.  He had one eye the other had atrophied behind his eye lid and he was in constant upper respitory crisis.  When we took him in my mom took him to the vet to get “well” so we could put him a shelter as we already had one cat and “Princess” did not take kindly to the street urchin.  The vet said quite frankly, no one will adopt this cat.  So my mom, dad and I had a decision, do we keep him?  The answer was a resounding yes.   This cat had an upper respitory infection for 5 straight years, he would sneeze and green snot would get over our clothes, the wall and the bed linens (he slept with me), every Spring and Fall he would get an UTI, he never got out of his habit of stealing food, in fact Princess would have to learn to eat her food fast so that Reggie didn’t polish it off for her.  He loved the outdoors (because he had been raised in them) and would push out screens in the summertime to get outside-we went through MANY screens, when he wanted attention he would jump on your dresser and clear it of anything that happened to be on top of it.  All in all he was a total mess!  BUT we loved him despite all this and honestly my memories of him are still so vivid even though he has been gone now 15 years. He literally was the greatest cat, and we were the best family for him, it just worked out that way.  Sidney is in your life because you ARE the best parents for her, despite the messiness, sickness and everything else, animals and their people are put together for a reason. Hang in there and use your doodlekiss friends to get over the bad days.

[L.M.]

Beautifully said, Jennifer!  Our definition of "perfect" definitely changes over time.  =)

[NewfoundlandNic]

Jennifer, thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.