Ever Have Second Thougths About your Doodle?????

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

After dealing with another medical issue with Sydney are we the right Doodle Moms?  As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I ask, Have any of you had second thoughts about having brought your Doodles into your homes?  Well, we have......both Kathy and I have had conversations many, many times about Sydney our first Doodle......As tears stream from my eyes, I must share with you that Sydney was not what each of you know what a Doodle would look like as you brought each of your Doodles into your homes. We have been disappointed not only with how Sydney looks, but the fact that she sheds and most importantly, that she has had lots of medical issues from the time she was a puppy.  We grew up with that "guilty complex" that keeps us fom what others would find easier to do what suits their lifestyle.  I know that resentment towards our breeder is not the answer.  Perhaps finding out what the "Reason for our having our "SYDNEY" may be the answer some day.  All of you on DK cannot probably relate to our feelings since we see how your expectations have been met.  We are wondering what is the real reason to have Sydney in our lifes?

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story about Dixie.  What a special, special dog she was.

[shelly]

Jennifer... what an absolutely touching, beautiful story.  You have been blessed all around!

[Amy & Bernie]

Gail I can't imagine feeling that way, so my heart certainly goes out to you for having to deal with such intense feelings - especially since they're brought on by continual issues, not a fleeting experience or "stage".

I've always been very headstrong in that I will not let other people or situations beyond my control affect MY happiness. It's always easier said than done but it helps to keep things in perspective. If I were in your situation I'd sit down with my sister and discuss all the little things you can do to improve your situation - and be selfishly elated with your mini achievements!

Have you ever given Sydney a short cut? Our friends give their Shepherd/Husky mix a short, short cut in the summer because they're out of the house so much enjoying the weather - they claim it drastically cuts down on the hair routine.

The medical issues are very tough, I'm not sure exactly what you've experienced, but no one has the right to tell you to buck up and fork over your life savings and be happy about it because she loves you unconditionally. I'd do whatever I could to help Bern but I wouldn't enjoy it! I don't even like spending money on myself for medical reasons! I'm glad you're venting! Without knowing your history, have you talked to someone about more natural, cost-effective preventative measures? People take that route all the time.

Most importantly though, and a couple other people said this, if you can't love her unconditionally you should consider rehoming her to someone who can. There are SO many Golden Retriever lovers out there who must be covered in hair and couldn't care less! Good luck and keep us updated.

 

[Adina P]

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time right now about Sydney.  While I've not had any huge feelings of disappointment with my dogs, they can drive me bonkers on any given day.  And not for any 'bad' behavior reasons but simply because sometimes I want them to be people and not bark or whatever the moment's "can't you just be perfect and not be so doggy" irritation may be.  I tend to be very idealistic and have my idealized versions of life and expectations and it's hard for me to accept 'inferior' versions of what I might get instead.  So I can understand, although not from exact experience, what you might be feeling. 

 

I think FEW of us got exactly what we were looking for in a doodle.  Few doodles are that 'perfect doodle' except maybe for Camilla's Darwin and Nancie's Gracie :-D   We each have different 'issues' with what we didn't get exactly as planned or exactly as we wanted.  Aside from the living breathing dog who loves you aspect of things...the fact is you paid for something and what was delivered was NOT what was advertised or what you asked for.  And that's hard to deal with...harder when it's a living thing you still care about.  It's not like something you can just return and repurchase elsewhere.  From reading your profile page it sounds like you still LOVE Sydney quite a bit.  That despite the overwhelming frustration you feel at times and the disappointment you wrote of yesterday, you do care for her...you just wish she had turned out to be what you wanted her to be.

 

When my sister was born with Down syndrome we were given a copy of "Welcome to Holland": http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html -- I think it is a good way to look at your experience with Sydney.  I am different in the 'everything happens for a reason' camp.  I don't think everything has some 'good' reason for happening or some ultimate God-given cause. I think a lot of horrible stuff happens for no reason at all.  It's just bad luck, evil, whatever.  Because if you could explain and rationalize a reason for it...then it would no longer be evil or bad.  The horrible disastrous tsunamis,earthquakes, etc would then be wonderful things because they were there for a reason.  NOT something I believe in.  But your response to bad situations can create a reason--whether it be something monstrous and tragic or something disappointing and frustrating.  I do believe everything that happens in our lives can provide us an opportunity to learn and grow and a chance to bring good out of it. Maybe it's just learning to deal with disappointment, patience, who knows?

 

But back to Sydney, specifically.  She certainly isn't an earthquake or tsunami or dog that likes to eat people.  She is simply not a doodle in looks or personality and has had her share of health issues to boot.  So let's pretend she's not a doodle in heritage.  If you were to erase the doodle expectation from your mind.  If you were to look at her as a mixed breed dog you rescued, a dog you found, a dog that found you.  Does that change anything?  Can you look at her as just one of your dogs and not the dog that should have been a doodle?  You might find that reason you're looking for soon...or maybe not for a long time.  But she's here and I'm guessing she's pretty crazy about you two and will be a loyal companion for many more years to come.

 

 

[NewfoundlandNic]

Adina, so well said. I totally concur but don't have the energy to write such an eloquent and detailed reply.

 

Gail, I hope things get better. I don't know exactly what you are going through, but my expectations have been dashed somewhat since getting our doodle two weeks ago. Really minor stuff, but I have a crate messer - I never thought dogs did that. It has never happened to me before. When I am scrubbing poop/pee from a puppy at three in the morning, then scrubbing/sanitizing a crate for the next hour, despite her "doodly" looks, I long for my fastidious and super fast potty learner Lab cross that we lost last year to cancer. Like I said, it is nothing compared to the health issues you are grappling with, but it is a second thought.

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

I was just reading a book and just remembered that some puppies 'learn' to pee and poop in their crates at the breeders.  I'm thinking this is a learned behaviour and you may have to go back to old fashioned training methods with this pup and ditch the crate.  A puppy pen with newspaper in one corner may be your answer.  Paper train the puppy and move the newspaper towards the back door and finally outdoors.  I have successfully trained lot of puppies this way before c rates were thought of.

[Jennifer and Jack]

I love the story Welcome to Holland.. We as a family have read that book as well...

[F, Calla & Luca]

Adina you have echoed my thoughts about the reason for things. And I was trying to remember the name of the "Welcome to Holland" story as a response to this post. All true.

[2m42srv7vi6sq]

Caeleach looks like a cross between a Gorilla and a Poodle, CJ looks like a Lab with a Poodle nose.  They both shed, are stubborn and silly.  I wouldn't have them any other way!

Try to accept that they are individuals, just like people and they will never be perfect.

Look for the positives you like, instead of the annoyances.


As Adina said, we sometimes get irritated when they do "doggy" things, but that's what they are...dogs.

Perhaps another breed of dog, that is more predictable, might be your answer.

To paraphrase Forrest Gump, "Doodles are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get".

It is never easy to deal with health issues, but that is part of the responsibility that we take upon ourselves when we bring these sentient beings into our lives.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

You know when I decided to re-home my children, I didn't have any takers..... hmmm

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Nancy - funny you should mention that.  I always said if I had known what a series of problems my darling daughter would be I would never have taken her home from the hospital.  I would have claimed that I was in for an appendectomy!  Now, I can not imagine a more wonderful, caring, loving, fun daughter. 

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

That is funny Maryann and I always tell my new parents as they are leaving the hospital that we have a no return/ no refund policy, so the baby is yours to keep!! Some laugh, some seem surprised as if they actually had considered that as a viable option.  Always felt that babies should be born with warning labels on their foreheads : " This product has the potential to cause irreparable harm and mental anguish all the while robbing you of your sanity and money besides your privacy and life as you now know it' . But you will love it beyond anything else you have ever known before."  ha... sounds like a warning label for a puppy too doesn't it?