Need Some Insight...

[Joanie]

Hey Everyone :)  You guys all provide such great advice, and I'm hoping you can do so once again.

 

This past March I was let go from my job due to coporate wide restructing.  I worked for a huge cosmetic company and I was so proud to say I worked for them.  I was an Administrative Assistant in the Color Cosmetics Department and for the most part I loved my job.  It was the first time, due to my anxiety and depression, that I was able to hold down a job for longer than a few months or even longer than a year!  I was so proud of myself!  I was working part-time, 20 hours a week, making a full-time salary with benefits!  The job provided me with the freedom I craved.  But, there were some down sides.  I was one of three Administrative Assistants in that department.  You always had to "prove" to the company that you were worth keeping.  Each year you had to fill out a form showing what you had done for the year.  People were very two-faced and stabbed you in the back to just get ahead.  It was corporate.  You always had to fight to show people what you were actually doing and hardly everyone ever said "hey you're doing a great job".  There were many times I had almost lost my job because they didn't understand my anxiety issues and at times it was very hard.  Everyone said when I was let go that I would find a much better job.  A lot of people weren't happy at this company.

 

In July I got hired as the sole Administrative Assistant at a reform Jewish temple.  I am Jewish myself, but not religious, so it's interesting to be learning about my background.  Everyone at the temple always tells me I am part of the family and am doing such a wonderful job.  Everyone praises me all the time and really truely appreciates all I do.  I am working more hours, getting paid more than I was at my previous job, and I still get the freedom that I crave.  I work 10 to 5 Monday through Thursday and 10 to 2 on Fridays.  I get all Jewish holidays and Secular holidays off with pay.  I get two weeks vacation to start.  I don't have to fight to be seen and don't have to prove my worth.  Even though I've already had one panic attack they didn't care and the Rabbi himself told me if I ever need to scream, cry, yell, whatever his office is always open.  They make me feel welcome.  This job has no benefits.

 

When I worked at my previous job, it was local and I would car pool.  I never drove myself and driving had always triggered my anxiety. Now, I work 30 minutes away, drive myself to work everyday, through traffic, on the thruway with no problems!  I am very proud of myself!  This job has proven to me that I can handle more hours and more responsibility.  This job had proven to me that I am appreciated for all that I do.

 

Here's where the problem comes in.  It's almost December and December would have marked three years that I would have been at the Cosmetic Company.  A HUGE accomplishment!  I keep getting all depressed because I still can't understand or make sense of what happened there.  It still hurts as much as it did the first day I was let go.  I can't seem to move on.  I stay in a state of depression because, although I love my new job I can't let go of my old one.  I can't let go of what was.  Justin (my husband) keeps reminding me that my old job really wasn't all that great... there was a lot of negative and bad things and this new job is wonderful. 

 

Please provide me with some insight of how I can move on and let go and find peace...

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Although I understand the issues with anxiety and depression, I would have to ask are you on medication and with that getting counseling? One goes hand in hand with the other. A good therapist would be able to help you move past this and accept what is.
I speak from experience and we can all give you advice and kind words on how the old job wasn't all that great, how you deserved and actually found better, and that you can't go back, and how you have to let go and move forward and be thankful and enjoy your new found freedom and accomplishments.....but they would be all canned responses and you would need someone to help you work through your own thought process thats keeping you "stuck", one on one.

I really do empathize, but I truly believe in medication and therapy and even with all that have had to take myself by the shoulders and say to myself. " Ok, put on your big girl panties and get over it" ! But that is not for everyone and its taken YEARS for me to get there. I hope someone can tell you something that helps you re-think this, but ultimately, it's up to you.
Other than that, and I do remember a discussion similar to this not too long ago, can you go back and visit friends at the old job, retalk things out with those who are still there and get their perspectives? This could very easily help you see how things there are well left behind you,

[Joanie]

yes I am on meds and it helps so much but without medical insurance i cant afford to see a therapist which i know is what i truly need

[F, Calla & Luca]

Find a low cost clinic with a sliding fee scale. There are some out there. Your husband doesn't have benefits? Health insurance is vital and I hope we are moving toward the time when everyone will have it.

[Charlotte and Bo]

Ditto.

[Ginny Nightingale]

I agree with Sue totally--your depression about losing the old job is not rational and I can tell from your description that you know that but still can not get past it--there are things you can do to get your brain to cooperate and "see the light" but a good therapist would have to do that with you. Nothing we could say here would help enough--it takes work and time.

As a matter of fact, time is a big issue here--lots of us have had losses of all different kinds and expecting you to be "over it" in just 6 months is not fair to you! By December you may feel better about the whole thing so why worry about it now? The pain from a loss really does fade over time and you need to give yourself that time. 

Why not plan something nice for that "anniversary"--something that says "I've moved on and I am happy!" maybe a weekend trip or a dinner at a favorite restaurant--turn the anniversary into a celebration--it will be something to look forward to instead of something to dread--just a suggestion! Good luck!!

[Lynda Kamrath]

When something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  That was how the job at the cosmetics company sounded to me.  There is so much restructuring going on everywhere these days, so it not surprising at all that your number was called.  It really has nothing to do with you as a person or as an employee.

The new job sounds very interesting to me.  I was, however, concerned about your statement that the job has no benefits.  Does that mean health care, retirement, what does benefits mean?  That is also true of many jobs these days.  My son is working four part-time jobs (he has a master's degree) because nobody wants to hire anybody full time because of the benefits.  He likes this flexibility and thinks he can do without benefits, but it may catch up to him sometime.

It sounds to me that you have moved on and now you just have to make the best of what sounds like a very good situation.  Change always happens and you have dealt with it very nicely.  You can do something about benefits if you need to do that, but figure that it is just a sign of the times.  Isn't it great to be appreciated rather than stressed out about your performance on the job? 

Oh, by the way, stay away from medications if you can.  They only lead to more problems.  You might try more exercise (your doodle can help with this) or some diet changes.  Maybe even a yoga or thai chi (sp?) class, but don't expect drugs to help you out.  Therapy might help, but I think more exercise and doodle therapy is what you will find most helpful right now.  At least that has been my experience.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I disagree about the medications vehemently. Antidepressant medications can prevent panic attacks, depression, anxiety and many other symptoms. If needed they can change lives. I have a lot of experience in this field and statements like "Oh, by the way, stay away from medications if you can.  They only lead to more problems.", have kept many people from receiving the help they need. Of course the medications have to be prescribed responsibly and do people need good follow up.

[Jennifer and Jack]

I have to agree with F on the medication statement. Lynda you are such a sweet person for trying to help and for giving such encouraging words but unless you are a doctor who knows her case well it is not a good idea to give medical advice especially a blanket statement such as that.

Let me give you an example. She said she was taking medications already. If she listened to your advice and stopped taking them by "staying away from them" she would most likely have very serious side effects including to say the least increased anxiety and depression.... I have seen people try to commit suicide after abruptly stopping medications... We have to be very careful with our words in giving advice because even if you mean well, it could hurt someone. in fact, neither one of us know her history.

Please don't take that the wrong way... Joanie, I am so sorry you have these awful feelings of not being able to move on..... I so agree with getting therapy. I know there is like F said community clinics that do sliding scale fee's based on what you can afford.

I think it would be so helpful for you to try it and see what happens..... I wish you well.

[Charlotte and Bo]

Sometimes you need to get those chemicals back in balance before you can feel better. Medication helps with that.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I would strongly advise you to get some therapy if you are not already doing so. Post a copy of what you have just written somewhere you can remind yourself often how much better off you are. It's not a huge accomplishment to remain at a job that was so stressful for 3 years. The company did you a favor by letting you go. I hope you can come to see that.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

I was once told, you will be fired/let-go/laid off, from a job 3 times in your life.  That kept me going when I lost my job many years ago. I had NO idea why I was let go. I was crushed.  It took many months and finally an email revealed it all.  My then husband, fell in love with my boss  :)   They are still together and make a great couple. 

Just sharing that with you because I empathized with you taking it personally. I know, at the time, I did.  I felt like a failure in many ways. Once I learned why, I did have to do some soul searching to improve my life and job attitude/skills/performance,  but I also had more understanding and less blame on myself. 

Big companies do this all the time. You are  not human to them. You are just a number.  So, don't take this personally.  Look at where you are now.  Sometimes, good money vs peace of mind is well worth how you are spending your day to day life.  I find peace of mind priceless. You just can't buy it.

I also work now in a capacity where I enjoy my job.  I could make more money but I would be miserable so I choose to stay until something better comes up. It is a choice.  A peaceful choice.

I am not Jewish, but I do love chatting with Rabbis. So wonderful and insightful.  Actually, I think you are lucky.

And P.S.  ~ Stay on your medication.  It is good for you.  Medication along with good therapy ( combined ) goes a long way. Sounds like you have made great progress--Look at the drive you take each day.  Do take your dog for a walk and incorporate exercise.  Make small notes each day and accomplish some goals for yourself.  We all have some serious job issues facing us. You are NOT alone in this job market. It is wicked.  I think you deserve a pat on the back.  Stop beating yourself up over things gone by and things you have no control over.

Do find low-cost clinics.  There is a lot of  help out there. Stay with it.  Stay with the Rabbi and forget the rest. 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Wow, your story is pretty personal though. But look how it turned out since now you have the wonderful treat maker, mobile crafter etc. Roger.