My doodle's time was up. ;-(

[Mandy & Benny]

On Sunday night I lost my best friend, my Riley.  I was out of town for the weekend, Riley was staying with my parents while I was gone.  On Saturday he started throwing up and my dad noticed blood on his tail after he went to the bathroom.  They took him to the emergency vet and he was diagnosed with gastroenteritis.  They gave him flagyl, something for nausea, and a bolus of fluids.  The vet said if they wanted him to stay over night he could, but he believed Riley was okay to go home.  My parents took him back to their house.  I returned early Sunday afternoon to my little pal unable to stand or barely lift his head.  My usual greeting of a tail wag and a lick was nowhere to be seen.  The vet said he would be lethargic and probably wouldn't be eating or drinking much.  I got him to drink a little water while his head was laying on my lap.  He seemed to perk up a little, stood up, and walked upstairs to the main floor of the house.  I thought this was a good sign.  I lay next to him all afternoon, just petting him and giving him hugs.  He ate a few pieces of chicken and drank a little water.  I had to run out for a couple of hours but had no reason to think anything would happen while I was gone.  My parents were there and he was looking a little better.  After being gone for about an hour, they called to have me meet them at the emergency vet.  He had started bleeding from his behind quite a bit.  When they pulled into the lot I opened the back door of the car.  I saw his sweet face, his eyes open with little tears going down, and he wasn't breathing.  The vet rushed him inside but couldn't bring him back.  I was, and I'm still hysterical.  I can't forgive myself for leaving him when he needed me the most.  I'm just sick over it.  That dog was my child, the one I went home to.  Now I can't stand to be in my house.  He's everywhere there, except embraced in a hug from me.  Has anyone else had an experience like this where the dog was energetic, bouncing around, and healthy one day and then gone the next?  I asked the vet how this could have happened if they weren't terribly concerned the night before.  She said it could be anything- he could've gone into shock from the fluid and blood loss, his stomach could've twisted (he wasn't bloated though), or maybe he ate something that irritated his system, passed it, and then was sick from that.  In the xrays done the first night, there were no obstructions.  The vet only noticed excessive gas- and my dog was the greatest because he RARELY greeted us with a curious odor.  Besides a bit of inflammation, that was the only out of the ordinary thing they found.  I keep trying to put the pieces together, what I should have done differently, how I could have prevented this.  Any wise words you can share? 

[Cathy, Fozzie & Shaggy]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your buddy.  I pray that the memories of the great times you and Riley had together can bring you comfort in the future. 

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

Mandy I am so very sorry for your loss and my heart hurts for you and your parents.  Things happen and we do not know why, but it is definitely not your fault.  My prayers and love are with you.

[kerry kaiser]

My heart breaks for you. It's so difficult to lose a pet but its even harder when its unexpected. Wishing you peace and love and I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Dear Mandy,

I know just what you are going through, having lost my soul mate in a similar way.  She had been having itchy skin and was on antibiotics and steroids.  We were back and forth to the vet.  She didn't eat as much but I thought it was the antibiotics or the steroids bothering her tummy.  In the morning we walked around the block, and she was a little slow.  In the afternoon I took her back to the vet and they drew blood and told me she would have to stay at the emergency Vet for the night.  They called me 30 minutes after I left to tell me that she had an abdomen full of blood, she was in shock and was dying.  I was absolutely stunned and heart broken.  I didn't do an autopsy but they were almost certain that she had ruptured her spleen from hemangiosarcoma.  I will never know if it was that or if the medications ate a whole in her stomach.   I was completely devastated and full of guilt that I didn't know how sick she was, that I hadn't figured it out, that I hadn't insisted on an ultrasound earlier, and surgery, etc. etc.  All of which would have been useless if it were hemangiosarcoma because she would have only lived a few months even if they took her spleen out.  She was only six years old.  I know there isn't anything anyone can say that will lessen your pain but I want to tell you that guilt is a useless emotion.  Don't torture yourself; it really won't change anything.  I waited a month and then got a new doodle.  Since Beta was a black female F1, I got an Apricot/Creme male multigen ALD  from a breeder that had jumped through all the hoops that I didn't require with my Beta.  I feel better knowing the medical history of the breeding dogs in his line.  Webber is five now and has never been sick.  I know people say to wait and grieve the loss of your best friend, but for me, having a new puppy, that was different in most ways, helped heal my heart.  I still missed Beta terribly, I still think of her and look at her picture, but my days and my heart were full from my new puppy.  I have since added a second Doodle.  There is nothing you could have done differently...if there was you would have done it.  Some things are out of our control.  I am so sorry for your loss,  your pain and the emptiness you must feel.   Please know I am thinking of you.  Let me know if I can help in any way.

Linda, Webber and Seda

[Mandy & Benny]

That is such a heartbreaking story but I appreciate you sharing it with me.  Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to get another doodle.  I just don't like the idea of replacing my best friend with a new one, my Riley can't be replaced.  I work long hours and I've often felt terribly guilty for leaving him by himself while I'm gone.  When I got him I worked shorter days and was able to come home for lunch to play and let him out, which was a great thing when training him.  I don't have that luxury now and I feel it wouldn't be fair to leave a little one all alone.  In the back of my mind I know I'm going to need to get a new companion because the silence in my house is deafening.  I just don't want to put my selfish needs over the needs of a new little friend. 

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Mandy you are a wonderful person to think of that. I too worry about my doodle now that I will not be able to bring her to my new job. So many things have crossed my mind including a new puppy to keep her company (+ we have been thinking about anpother for about a year). However I won't be able to do with the new pup what I was able to do with Daisy, in that I have no vacation time, my DH would have to do it all.

Trying to figure it all out. Meanwhile I have neighbors who will be coming to let Daisy go potty and to visit with her during the day. I am very nervous.

You know what is right for you, perhaps just volunteering at a shelter would help...I know when we lost our dog Zach it was 3 years before we got Daisy...I get what you mean about replacing. I wish you peace and hope.

[Jennifer and Jack]

I am so sorry....prayers for your aching heart.

[Charlotte and Bo]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Christine & Camus]

Mandy, Losing your best friend is so hard, I am so sorry for your loss.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I, too, am sorry for your loss.

[Christine & Shelby]

Mandy... I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear doodle Riley. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and everyone else who loved Riley. Riley knows you loved him.... you were buddies and he knows! Take time to grieve... remember all the fun times, that is what Riley would want you to do. Big hug to you....

[Nancy - Opal, Meadow & Tariki]

Oh dear... such a difficult time!  I'm SO sorry to hear of your sudden and tragic loss!