It's so quiet... sans paws...

[Mandy & Benny]

It will be six weeks this Sunday that I lost Riley.  He was the first dog I've ever had, and I couldn't imagine ever having one better.  I've cried every single day since he passed, but for whatever reason, yesterday I woke up and smiled at the thought of him instead of reaching for the tissue box in anticipation of the waterworks.  I teared up as I smiled, but I didn't have the usual sob-fest.  Finally- progress!  I'm still plagued by guilt and emptiness, but I guess this is a step forward.  I kind of feel guilty for it though, if that makes sense... kind of like I'm leaving him behind.  I know I have to move forward, I'm just having a hard time doing so without him.  I can't look in the backyard, I can't clean the nose smears off of my front windows where he spent so much time, I can't move his giant bed to the basement where I can't see it.  I still wait to hear the tap-tap-tap down the hallway and the nudge at my feet when he thought I was taking up too much of his space on my bed.  The silent house is really making me nuts.  Clearly I'm not past my loss yet, but do any of you think it would be a good idea to start seriously thinking about another doodle?  In some ways I think I should, based on how difficult it is for me to be alone in my house.  At the same time I get a feeling of being disloyal to Riley, kind of like I'm tossing him aside for someone else.  

A friend of mine who bought a doodle because of her love for Riley told me she is getting another one. There are a few in that litter not yet reserved, they should be ready to go at the beginning of June.  They are going to be red, not light like Riley.  I've been going back and forth with it, thinking that by then perhaps I won't be a mess over the thought anymore.  I hate to use the word 'replace', but I've never had to get a pet to take the place of a previous love.  I'm sure many of you have before- how do you do it and not feel like you are being disloyal to the one you lost?  I appreciate any suggestions from all of you wise doodle lovers...

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I have been where you are several times, and I completely understand how you feel. It was just not possible for me to live without a dog, so I always got another dog very soon after losing one. I never thought of it as a replacement. The new dog is not taking the place of the one you lost, nobody could. But having a new dog there to love sure helps fill the hole in your heart.  It's a new relationship, and it doesn't replace the old relationship. What you had with Riley you will always have, nothing can take those memories away from you. Now you are talking about starting a new relationship to build some new memories, and there's nothing wrong with that.  

Here is the best answer I have ever seen to the question "How do you do it and not feel like you are being disloyal to the one you lost?" This has always made me feel better about that. It was written by the great playwrite Eugene O'Neill in his eulogy to his beloved dog The Last Will and Testament of Silverdene Emblem O'Neill:

"One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, "When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog!"

I hope this helps. :)

[Gail and Bailey]

Karen...I wish I had this quote to show my husband when we lost our last dog.  It took me 3 years to convince him we had to have a dog in our lives again.  He always said he felt like he would be disloyal to our dog if we got another.  I always said that our dog would have wanted us to get another dog because we were such good doggie parents and we needed to share our love with another little pup.  I pushed and finally we got our Bailey....he is in love with her and now he sees that loving a new dog could never diminish what you had with the one you lost.

Mandy...there is nothing better than puppy kisses to help you heal.  Riley would want you to be happy and to love again.  I wish you the best.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Karen I love this quote.  Thank you for sharing.

[Mandy & Benny]

That quote made me cry.  Happy tears :)

[Jill, Woody & Maxi]

Happy tears here as well..Mandy, good luck with your decision

[Lori, Daphne, Lucy & Pippa]

Karen, Thank you sooo much for posting that! I am sending it to my daughter who has had such a hard time getting over the loss of our Golden last year. She couldnt understand why we got a puppy so soon. This will definitely help her to "get it"!

[Bonnie and Kona]

I know it is different for every owner and every dog.  Over the years I have gotten another dog right after the death of the one before, and for me it has been a blessing. We were dog-less for a few years when the children were tiny. I do not ever feel I am replacing the dog that died. I am making space in my heart for a new best friend. Every dog we have owned has been different from the rest. If you are sure you are not going to expect this new friend to be the same as your Riley, go for it. Fill up that empty house with a wiggly, piddly, nippy puppy. Your loneliness will vanish, but your memories of Riley will remain vivid. 

[GBK]

When my first dog passed, I had so many people tell me to wait until it was the right time to get another.....  I did wait, a couple of months, I was lonely and empty hearted.  I thought to myself, what the heck was I waiting for being so miserable.  I knew there would never be a replacement for my last dog, but at least I could start a relationship with a new puppy.

It was the best decision I could have made, I got such a sassy and unruly puppy, that I hardly spent anytime mourning my pup I lost. I was too busy keeping the shark teeth off of me and wondering how I was going to control this new fluffball to feel sad.  It got me reading, researching, and training this new boy to be my next special dog, and he is!

I believe you get what you need.  I hope YOU get what you need (I hope its not a shark!) you really will know when it's time. 

 

[Joyce (Casey & Cody's mom)]

Hearts are a wonderful thing. You can mourn the passing of a beloved friend and still enjoy the pleasure of a new one. We lost our precious boy in November and will be bringing home a new "baby" the end of this month. Our heart is ready to welcome a new challenge. It sounds like yours is also. Good luck in your decision.

[Star and Goldie]

I think in times like these you will always just know when it's the right time. I think your heart strings are pulling toward a new doodle but your head is shadowing it with questions. Follow your heart.  It is not a replacement dog nor will it ever be. A new puppy will help to mend your broken heart and start to fill a void.  By no means does that make the new puppy a replacement but as someone else said, a blessing. I think you have done the right thing for the last six weeks, mourn. Now it is time to start to heal and there is no shame or guilt in taking that step. Riley would not want you to mourn yourself into emptiness.  You can celebrate Riley every single day and still take that first step to healing :)

[Kristin and Sophie]

Hi Mandy,

I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling and knowing how empty your house feels without the presence of Riley and his toys/bed, etc.  I know how you are feeling now and it will take a long time to not feel so sad.  However, one day you will be able to speak of Riley and smile. Your memories of Riley will make you laugh.  You can use your good doodle mommy skills on a new puppy.  Riley can never be replaced and if you were to get a puppy from this new litter - the puppy would be red (so definitely no comparison) and you could focus your energy on something positive and maybe in a way, a new puppy will help your healing.  My suggestion is that you put your name down on that list and then your friend and you with have sisters/brothers from the same litter!

It does not mean you are being disloyal.  If anything, it shows Riley how loved he was and how you can't imagine life without a doodle in it.  In fact, you'd be honoring him to get another doodle.  

I wish you the best with your decision.  And, if this is too soon for you - give yourself some time to mourn - and then look for a puppy when you know in your heart the time is right.

Kristin

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Mandy -- I'm so happy to see that you had a moment where you could smile at some of the memories.  I think that in our case the house doesn't feel quite as empty because we still have Lucy here.  It does seem a whole lot quieter, but there are still toe nails on the floor sounds.  I think that it would be very good for you to explore possibly adding a new baby to your family. I love Karen's quote above and think it makes a great deal of sense.  We lost our first dog as a married couple after almost 16 years.  We waited 5 years before we got the doodles.  Ever sense we have asked ourselves what took us so long.  We haven't decided just yet what we are going to do, but I will admit to looking at puppy pictures for hours at a time.  My wish for you is that you can find a way to honor your love for Riley and find peace with a new puppy in your life.  Please keep us posted on what you decide.