Family Tragedy

[Brandon McKinney]

My wife and I recently experienced a family tragedy. We unexpectedly lost our puppy during a horrible accident. Our labradoodle Mac would have been 5 months old today. We picked him up in late May and he immediately stole our hearts. Since we have no children yet we treated him as our first child and spoiled him as such.

This is absolutely heartbreaking to my wife and me. He was our first dog together as a married couple. He was a perfect match for us in every way. Everything from his shades of apricot, carmel, and cream to his temperament and high level of affection towards us. We are struggling to say the least. Especially my wife as he was her companion while I am gone working 24hr shifts at the Fire Department.

What has helped you in grieving the loss of a new puppy?

We understand that we cannot replace our Mac. Although we found that we loved the positive energy he brought into our lives and house. We are worried that we will not be able to find a dog with similar characteristics that we so greatly enjoyed in Mac. What has your experience been?

How soon did you get another dog? Is sooner and later better? Waiting lists for a well bred labradoodle seem to be long. Is it best to get on a list immediately even though we are still grieving? What happens if a puppy becomes available sooner than you expected?

We have so many feels and emotions we are not sure what's right or where to go from here. Any other general advice or suggestions you can offer?

Thanks,

Brandon & Kasey

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Sad.  I'm so sad with you. I think we all will feel your grief because we've felt that love too.

I think, you need to go with your gut, not everyone's opinions about when, where, and how to get another dog.

My thoughts are that there are so many many dogs out there that need the love that I know you have to give. If and when you do decide to get another, it will be one lucky dog.

Peace to your heart

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

First off, I am so sorry for your loss.  My heart breaks for you both.  Losing a beloved fur baby is never an easy one.

As far as when to get another puppy, everyone is different.  I waited about a year before I got a puppy after losing my Winston after having him for 13 years.  Some people go right out and get another fur baby within days.

Everything I have read says that we project our feelings onto our pets so If you feel that you might not be able to raise a new puppy for a little bit because you are grieving the loss of Mac, my suggestion would be to wait a little bit longer.

You can always put your name on a waiting list and reevaluate where you are when the litter is ready.  I would explain your situation to the breeder you chose to go with and I am sure if they are a caring person they would totally understand...

[Camilla and Darwin]

I am so sorry for your loss - I am thinking of you and sending warm thoughts your way.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. 

I agree with Joanne, you need to go with your gut and not with anyone else's opinions. Although we have all experienced this kind of grief, we all experience it differently. There is no right or wrong when it comes to getting a new companion. Keep your hearts and minds open. When the time is right, the right dog will come into your lives again.

[Leslie, Yogi & Maci Bear]

What a heartbreaker, my heart goes out to you and your wife.

When the time is right you'll know.

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

I'm sorry that you lost Mac.  My heart breaks for you but I agree with Joanne and Karen.   For some, another puppy brings the positive energy into their lives that they need to heal and it's a way to honor the love Mac taught you to feel.  Others need time to work through the loss and will find themselves resenting or comparing the new pup.  Not fair. Keep your hearts open and be honest with yourselves. I think you can find a pup with similar characteristics, you'll just need to look.  A good breeder knows their pups temperaments pretty well and wants to make a good match.  Knowing the temperaments of the parents helps too.  The good news is there are many wonderful doodles out there with the qualities you mention.  Or you might find a rescue that steals your heart.  You'll know when the time is right.  Sending healing thoughts your way.    

[Rosemary (Ro) and Enzo]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I raised and bred Golden Retrievers for many years. Many of my puppy people, were those who had lost a beloved family pet( member) I had one woman,, she was actually the DA in La., whose office was buying her a new puppy as a gift. She kept deterring her spot to the up-coming litter, because she just couldn't bring herself to give her heart over to a new fluffball. She felt she was being unfaithful to her senior companion, that had just passed. In the end...she never thought the time was right for her. After 2 yrs....we were being transferred out of the area and I refunded her deposit. I. had another couple who called me to add them to my list, the day after they lost their dog. If I had had one available( and they actually thought I would ), they would have taken it that day. My point is...everyone handles death differently. I faulted neither one of these people. There is no "replacing"....just making room in your hearts for another. When my own Golden passed last year at 13, my husband and I were devastated. I was now living, what all my puppy people had been through, My house felt so empty ( our kids are adults and out of the house) and we both felt miserable. For us, it was a matter of weeks before we found our girl, Enzo. I still go into tears if I see a aging Golden...that gray muzzle sends me over the edge, BUT, our little Miss Enzo has been the best Therapy we could both ask for. She will never be a replacement, but she certainly has helped fill the huge void left in our hearts. My hope, for you and your wife, is that you will know when the time is right and you too, will find a pup that helps heal both your hearts.

[Pam Thomas]

Very well expressed, Rosemary.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

So sorry for your loss.  I agree with everyone else here that it really is different for everyone.  As well as sometimes you really don't know what you need until it happens.  Sometimes it just all falls into place.  We lost our Sophie (although not a puppy) one week after her 5th birthday.  I was a member here almost since the day we got her.  I can remember seeing stories about people who lost their Doodle for various reasons and thinking to myself how in the world would I ever survive that.  It was beyond anything I could imagine.  Well, I'm living proof that you will survive.  Mac will always be a part of you and he will always hold a piece of your heart.  We weren't really sure what to do either.  Because ours was lost to Cancer our first questions was do we want another GoldenDoodle as the cancer incidence in Goldens is very high.  We knew we wanted another, but we didn't know the right timing.  I looked at every other breed of dog and just kept coming back to the GD.  We had our Sophie's liter mate Sister so we wanted to do what was right for her as well.  I knew what breeder I wanted to use if I ever bought another (lots learned here on DK).  We knew we needed a little time, but how much time?  When I wrote her I learned the liter that fit what we wanted was just born (we lost our Sophie on 3-11-13 and the liter was born on 3-13-13.  Unfortunately, they were all spoken for.  I had specific size desires because our Sophie was my Therapy Dog and I wanted our new one to do that as well.  She would not be having another liter that met our wants for a year.  All liters in between would be smaller than what we ultimately wanted.  But, we went on the wait list.  Imagine our surprise when one day we got an e-mail that said I think one of my buyers is backing out and you are first on the wait list!  We were shocked.  Were we ready.  Should we get our hopes up that they really are backing out?  and risk disappointment.  We just decided that how ever it worked out it was meant to be.  We started watching the photos of the liter and had our favorite.  When we got the call, and were told that our favorite, little orange girl was ours if we wanted her we were so excited.  It was Fate ... she was meant to be ours.  We had our Lucy, we had just taken in a foster girl, but we knew that little Orange Girl was meant to be part of our family.  What is the one lesson that I learned from this ... it is really hard to be sad with a puppy in the house.  We see our Sophie in the things that AnnaBelle does all the time.  And the good part is that we can be ok with it.  She helped us heel.  Sophie has our heart and we still miss her, but AnnaBelle makes us laugh and smile every single day.  

[Emily, Bentley, & Maserati]

I'm so sorry for you loss. Losing your fur baby is very difficult. 

I don't have any advice on a time line. Everyone process grief differently and you do what you think is best. When you find the right pup, you will know. *hugs* 

[Anne & Mr. Haley]

I am so sorry for you loss.   When we lost Cole' there was a huge hole in my heart.   We brought Haley home a couple of weeks later and he filled that hole with love.  You will know when you are ready for a new fur baby. 

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

So sorry for your loss of Mac, my heart hurts for you.  I believe you will know when the time is right and will love the new dog every bit as much as Mac.