Help w/ my husband!

[K Frey]

Hey, everybody! Thank you to all of you who have welcomed me to this forum with open arms! I can tell how much you all love your Doodles! I want to be a part of this too! Long story short, I'd actually love to have another baby- we already have a 6 yr old boy and a 4 yr old girl, so we have the "million dollar family" already. My husband is completely content and wants no more children. But, I can't help that motherly instinct in me always feeling the need to care for something. KWIM??? Soooo, I thought that maybe bringing a puppy into our family would be a nice compromise. I'd get a little of what I need and the kids would surely love having a puppy too. But, again, my husband really dislikes the idea! He says that they're too messy, bark too much, smell funny, demand too much or our time, and keep you from being able to just pick up and go when you want to. Obviously I realize that all these things are somewhat true, but can focus on the positive things you get from a loving companion. I mean, kids are hard work too- but totally worth it! So what's a girl to do?! I'm a stay at home mom, so I would be the primary caregiver to the dog and I do have the time and attention to devote to him/ her.
So what do you think... I am in over my head? Is there any way to bring my husband around? Any thoughts/ advice would be great!

Thanks so much for "listening" to my rambling!!

Kristin

[Libby & Bentley]

The way I convinced my boyfriend was with explaining that doodles don't shed or shed less..I said I'd even do all the work if I had to (haha sound like a child), and then I set up a time to go look at puppies..the whole ride there he kept threatening to turn around saying we weren't going home with one,and if i'd be too upset it would be a waste (YA, OK)...once we got there our little Bentley walked up to Pat and rolled over...Game over.. He said "ok!" and "i'll help!" and it's been his baby ever since

[Adrianne Matzkin]

I agree with all that has been written. DH didn't want one - we know have 2 and foster Doodles.
I think the idea of a romp is perfect- for you, husband and kids. How far is Newark airport from you? I always have doodles over for coffee and treats in my yard (Doodles decided coffee wasn't for them so they drink out of their own fountain)
If he is up for a ride and to meet Doodles of all colors, ages and sizes you let me know. Can be arranged any weekend!
Adrianne

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

What I notice about this post is that there is no mention at all of how you feel about dogs in general. If you had said, "I love dogs! I have loved dogs all my life, and I miss having one. Without a dog, something is missing", I would have encouraged you to find ways to get your husband to come around. But you haven't mentioned loving dogs at all, or even liking them. You have spoken about your needs, and what your children can get from a dog, but have you thought about what the dog needs?
Having a dog is a lot of work, especially with young children, too. Dogs are dirty, messy, smelly, etc. They track unbelievable amounts of dirt into your house. They need a lot of time and training. Puppies chew up carpets and furniture, they pee and poop on your rugs, they whine at night, they go into the garbage, they take food from the counters, they get ahold of things they shouldn't which endanger their lives, they nip kids, they jump on kids, they tear up your yard, (how will your husband feel about having the grass torn & dug up continuously?), they get sick, the "high-energy puppy madness" drives people crazy, etc., etc. Read through some of the discussions in the main forum here about all the problems people are having. All of these issues can be worked through with a lot of work and training. But the people who deal with these issues successfully love dogs in general, with all that comes with them.
Have you ever had a dog before? Do you understand the high-maintenance aspect of doodles in terms of grooming requirements? Have you done any reading on crate-training, housebreaking, feeding, exercise requirements, etc? Are you aware that these are hunting breeds with high exercise requirements? Do you have a fenced yard? Do you know that many doodles shed and are not "hypoallergenic"? Do you understand the time and cost involved in vet care, grooming, food, training, etc? Do you realize that 4 and 6 yr olds cannot really contribute much to the daily care of a puppy? (Will they be meticulous about never leaving toys, gum, candy, grapes, etc. anywhere that the dog can get it? Or will you have extra work having to check for those things constantly?) These issues are just the tip of the iceberg.
I don't mean to sound judgmental, but most of the doodles who are given up to shelters and rescues end up homeless because people got them without really understanding the kind of commitment of time, money, and problem solving that having a dog involves. They liked the idea of having a dog without really understanding what kind of commitment it takes. And these are couples who both agreed on getting a dog. Please read some of the discussions here, there are even some about having regrets, and these are from people who love their dogs madly. This is a huge decision and requires a lot of thought, a lot of planning, and a lot of cooperation from every member of your household...especially the guy who's footing the bill. Yes, doodles can be wonderful, but they are not for everyone, and they are definitely not a substitiute for a third child, lol.
Please give this decision a lot of thought.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

This is true... I love Peri so much, but she is 6 months old and I am looking forward to her getting a little older. I cannot imagine life without her now, but the first few weeks I had her at home, I cried a bit almost daily due to frustration. Doodles can be very high energy puppies. Not all, but many. This is one of the reasons we got Peri before we had kids...so we can train her enough to be a great pet and family companion before adding more "human kids" to our family. Honestly, I would not have time to train her if I had kids. But you stay at home, so it is definitely doable! Just think it through...a lot. I will never not have a dog because I have never gone without one. So I have two! But my chihuahua Taquito was such an easy puppy...Peri not so much :)

[Sandy]

Allyson - you're not alone. I cried too. I loved Toby dearly, but the work was overwhelming at times. We're at almost 15 months now, and it's a completely different story. Those first few months are something else though.

[Missi]

Good post Karen, though I have to say if I had read this before Lizzie I might not have got her!!! But, I definitely had the "something is missing" feeling regarding a dog and and have never lived without one. I read and researched for over 5 months before bringing Lizzie home. I lived alone so the day-to-day stuff was CONSTANT! I definitely cried from the stress a few times, not to mention two heart-breaking illnesses within the first month. My family was a great help and to this day if my boyfriend and I want to pick-up-and leave, my grandparents will take her in an instant. I have gone through 2 training classes and about to start a third. Now Lizzie is pretty easy to live with, but she still needs groomed every 6-8 weeks, baths nearly every week (stinky dood!), training daily, fed twice a day, good exercise daily, and lots of interaction.

Long story to show you how much work they really are! Totally worth it in my book, but every family is different. Of course most people on a website dedicated to loving our dogs will say "Get one!" but, I 'm glad a few people disagree. It needs to be an entire family decision. And if you truly want to have more children, getting a puppy isn't going to change that. While cleaning up diarrhea off the floor you'll just be cussing the dog and wish it was a baby with a diaper instead. So definitely do your research and make sure the whole family, husband and all, is on board!

[LuvMyAbby&Kaela]

Great post Karen! Soo...true!

In for a penny in for a pound! (But never ever the pound). You take the good and you take the bad.

I am a dog lover - I never had a pet as a child (wasnt allowed) . I have had dogs now my entire adult life (over 2 decades - lol) I have spent oodles of ill afforded money on dog related issues and paraphenalia. I have had barking dogs waking up sleeping infants when I so desperately needed them to sleep! I have cleaned up the grossest imaginable things in the middle of the night. I have replaced flooring, glass dooors, screen doors, toys, shoes you name it. I have had to clean up dog vomit in vehicles. I have had things in my beautiful yard destroyed. I have cried almost to the point of hysteria when a dog got lost and disappeared for days. I mourned for weeks when I had to bury a dog that was struck by a car. My heart broke in 2 when I had to take the best dog ever and have her put down because of her cancer.

They are a lot of work and a lot of responsiblity. They are costly. They will wreck a lot of stuff. They will stress you out completely and test your patience. I can not imagine life without them! My doodles are like my daughters. I have 4 sons and 3 dogs. I wouldnt have it any other way.

[Karen & Lucy]

HERE HERE applauding. I feel the very same way. I am a dog lover and have been all my life. I had dogs from the time I was a kid until about 15 years ago. Ya see my DH is NOT a dog lover, so I did without until I just had to have another. I searched and researched for months until I found Lucy, I put the money down, AND THEN I TOLD HIM. Yes, he was upset, but I told him she was coming and already ours. It took awhile until he truly loved her, and he does no matter what he tells other people. He still puts on somewhat of a show (a non dog lover that is) around people, I guess it is a man thing, sorry guys. I do all of the work with her, but she is HIS buddy now. He is retired and I still work, so Lucy is with him more than me :*(
I am not going to tell you that you should "go for it" and get one or do what I did, that is entirely up to the individual, just remember they are alot of work, is cost alot of money to keep them groomed and healthy, they are a life time of responsibilty, etc. etc. BUT they give you that unconditional love and there could not be a better friend and companion. "I LOVE LUCY"

[Sandy]

Karen - I agree with a lot of your points. I teach piano, and I get a lot of people who want to "know" how to play the piano, but not "learn" how to play the piano. Having a good dog is one thing, getting to the point of having a good dog is quite another.

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

Hello!!! WELCOME!! Ok so I was in the same total boat as you :-) My quest started about 2 years ago when my HUSBAND thought we should get a goldendoodle! He grew up with Golden Retreivers but they shed to much, the real estate agent we bought our house from had an awesome goldendoodle! PERFECT! Right? Wrong!! So hubby tells his dad we are considering getting one and my father in law totally threw me under the bus and gave him every possible negative. Of course my husband totally changes his mind and I am crushed!! Then this past fall/winter my father in law goes and puts a deposit on a Brittney Spaniel! WT??? So he got his "Bittsey" in Jan and all was great. PERFECT opportunity to re-sell my plight for a goldendoodle.

I started again giving him the story of how wonderful it would be for our girls (they are 7 and 10) responsibilities with a dogs, etc etc. I also work from home so someone would always be there with it. Finally, I really think I just completely wore and broke him down with the 5 million pictures I showed him about how PERFECT goldendoodle's were - they NEVER shed, misbehaved, barked, jumped, made a mess, etc etc etc all just LITTLE white lies - which I am sure he knew but whatever works!! This is what I think got him in the end..... my secret trick......All along I would tell him how HARD they are to find from a good, reputable breeder, there are waiting lists, it would be perfect to get one in the spring for training. Then amazingly enought (haha) one February day there was this PERFECT breeder with a new liter of puppies and there were 4 girls and one of them was on the darker side like a "gold" golden retriever. Oh we better put the deposit down or it might be another year! Oh this means so much to me!! And I showed him pictures of "the" puppy. I got him hook line and sinker!! Our breeder even sent video's along the way so I had him in love with her before we even brought her home.

I must confess I really thought she was going to be more work than she truly is, of course I never would have admitted my fears to him in the beginning!! She is now 8 months old and honestly, I could not imagine a better dog for a family with kids. We have an F1 so she does shed a little bit, my friend has an F1B and she has no shedding to speak of. If he is bent on the shedding thing go for the F1B. Hunter never smells either, which I was worried about because I don't like stinky dogs. She has trained super easy to and I am NOT a trainer. We went to 2 puppy classes and then I bought a book. I am sure there are many other more well mannered dogs than Hunter but she can sit, lay, stay and sometimes she will stay down, but then again she fits into the type of family we have to.

Good Luck with your husband!! I totally sympothize, all in all just wear him down you know we women always ending getting what we want in the end!! LOL

[Melissa & Porter]

Compulsive Assumption of Caretaking Responsibilities Disorder--I invented this disease name because I have it. Sounds like you might too.

I convinced my husband to have kid three and get a dog. Like people and your husband say, a dog is a lot of work and ties you down, but the companionship is wonderful. We got Porter last March. My kids were 3.5, 5 and 7. I get up everyday at 6 am in order to walk the dog before my kids or husband are even awake. This is more peaceful than bringing along a whiny kid. I vacuum the 1st floor of the house every other day now from all the dirt Porter brings in.

My husband calls him our $15,000 dog, though it is not totally true.
___________
$6000 fence
$5000 re-grading/planting in backyard before the fence was put in...DH would have liked to wait until econ rebounded.
$ 700 vet expenses to date (vaccines, ear infection, post grooming itchiness, cut behind ear)
$ 300 grooming ytd
$ 500 puppy kindergarden and level 2 training
plus
actual cost of dog & food...etc.

Crazy right? I love the big guy though and he doesn't whine nearly as much as the kids ;-)

[K Frey]

Oh my gosh, you guys are awesome! I didn't really think there'd be a soul who would care enough about my predicament to reply!
So in response, my husband and I both grew up with dogs. I guess he didn't take part in the care or training of his dog much. It was more his mom's dog -go figure!:0) It was a Lab and he remembers it being a holy terror. So he says that he's just not a dog person. I think he just didn't have the RIGHT dog! As far as I am concerned, my family always had a dog when I was growing up and I loved it! My situation now actually reminds me alot of when I was 11 years old pestering my dad for a dog. Well, I'm still not able to live that down! My dad tells my husband to just give in cuz I'm going to get my way anyway! I must have had a pretty convincing argument back then! But my family and I loved our dog and we have so many fond memories of him.

As far as cats are concerned, I'm extremely allergic to cats and I'm really not a "cat person", so that is not an option for us.

I have done a ton of research on Goldendoodles. I have read many books and have scoured the internet looking for reputable breeders. I know I'd like an F1B because of the shedding issue, preferably one that won't get too big. I've started looking into places to board the dog, from kennels to house sitters. We have lots of family nearby, both sets of parents who have already agreed to help out, two sisters (one with a Labradoodle, one with 2 Cockapoos) who would help out too. So I think we're okay as far as all that is concerned. Another issue that my husband likes to bring up is what if I have to go back to work someday? I agree that's a valid argument, but it's also difficult to predict what will happen several years from now. I would feel terrible leaving a dog home alone all day. But, I don't foresee that happening in at least the next 4 years while my daughter is still in preschool and early elementary. And after that, we don't know exactly what I will be doing. So, to me, it doesn't make sense to hold off on something that would add so much to our family just because we don't know what the future holds. Nobody knows that.
That's my 2 more cents for now!
Thanks again everybody for humoring me! It's definitely given me alot to think about!