Visiting My Parents, They Don't Like Dogs...

[Camilla and Darwin]

I have a problem. My parents have never been big animal fans, but inside dogs are a BIG no no at there house. We live fairly close (about an hour away) and sometimes when we go, they want us to stay for a long time, even overnight.

Darwin is an indoor dog, and they know that. They always make suggestions like "Why don't you tie him up in the backyard (because it's not fenced in) or "Can't you just put him in the garage?" (It's basically a chemical and tool death-trap for dogs) I always make sure he is clean, and he has great house manners but I don't want to push them. Recently, I asked them if he could come be in the house, but only in the kitchen area, on a leash tied to the doorknob. They allowed it, but were hesitant and my dad made comments about building a heated doghouse outside.

I would love it if they would accept letting him be in the house, of course near me so I can watch him. I don't want to cause problems... but it is a really big hassle to have to put him in doggy daycare or board him every time we stay for longer than six hours. I don't want to just tie him up in the backyard, especially when it is muddy and snowy outside. Also, my parents live in a rural neighborhood where there are a TON of unleashed, wandering dogs which may or may not be vaccinated and friendly. I don't feel it's safe for him to be back there for long periods of time, without the yard being fenced in.

Any advice? Should I just keep boarding him, or should I try and get them to accept him being in the house? How should I approach this?

[Dan, Judi, & Timbow]

It doesn't sound like it will be safe at all for him to be in the backyard or the garage. You either need to talk to them or continue boarding him. The other option would be seeing if he could stay with a friend or other family member for the day. My mother in law cannot stand dogs no matter what they look like/how precious they are. They live in Ft Lauderdale, FL (we're in Atlanta). What we've done so far is drive to Tampa and drop Timbow off with my parents and then drive over to my mother in law;s house. That way Timbow's happy (my mom spoils him rotten) and we're happy because we know he's safe. I know it's such a hard situation, especially because doodles are so cute and most are well trained and behaved. I wouldn't get in a fight over Darwin coming, but you could explain that he's part of your family now.

[Eva (Lilo and Rocky)]

Maybe suggest your parents that you alternate your gettogethers, so they can visit you and your dog in your home, and possibly get used to him? I do not leave my dogs alone overnight either, and I would never leave them outside overnight or unattended for long periods. If I need to leave my dogs for more than 5-6 hours, I ask a teenager from my neighborhood to come and dogsit. It's cheaper than daycare and the dogs love to play with a young and energetic human :) I have, on a few occasions, taken the dogs along and left them in the back of the car with the windows cracked open (not in warm weather of course). That method provides a built-in excuse to leave the party for water &potty breaks and short walks every hour or so :D

[Chelsea and her doodle Piper]

I feel your pain! :o) We have always had the same situation...although my parents won't even offer the garage or the yard. A crate in the garage is even said through gritted teeth. SO...if it is longer than we can leave the dog, it just means they have to come to our house or we board the dog(s). There is no other choice. We can't make them change their mind...they know we would like to bring the dog, but we know they are adamant against it. It is their house and their choice, so we respect that. Their opinion hasn't changed for years, so we don't' even press the matter anymore. Not worth it! Such is life, i guess!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I had never heard of an "outside dog" before this past year in the doodle forums. And I am 57 years old and have lived with dogs all my life, and among hundreds of other people with dogs. My family got our first dog in 1958, and she lived in our home, and all our neighbors' and relatives' and acquaintances' dogs lived in their homes. The only doghouse I have ever seen is in Peanuts comic strips. I know that dogs on farms live in the outbuildings, and manors in Europe have kennels for their hunting dogs, and working herding dogs live among their flocks; but I have never in my life met a person who kept a pet dog outside. I can't even imagine that; why would someone even get a dog, if they're going to keep it outside? I really would like to try to understand this.
Please don't even consider leaving Darwin outside or in a garage. In addition to his safety, it is damaging to his bonding and his relationship with you. Your parents need to understand that pet dogs live in the house with their families, period. No heated doghouses. If they really "want you to stay for a long time, even overnight", they will have to accept Darwin as part of the package. If not, I would only visit for short periods. It's up to you if you want to have to board your dog just to visit your parents, but I would try having a talk with them. It would really be a terrible thing if their attitude rubbed off on your children one day. You don't want to have to explain such an antiquated and inhumane concept as "outside dogs" to your children, or the fact that Grandma & Grandpa don't like animals.
I would try talking to them about the fact that most people keep their pets indoors as part of the family. Have they never met anyone who does? I would try to get them to discuss what is it they are afraid of, what they think might happen, if a dog is in the house. If you can get a dialogue going, maybe they will realize there is no reason for them to feel that way. I sure hope so. Good luck!

[Adina P]

I think as much as it makes sense to me and you and the rest of us on DK...if you've never experienced the mindset of those who believe in outdoor-only dogs, you don't know how deep-set it is. It usually doesn't work to tell them that 'most' people keep their dogs indoors. It makes NO sense to them.

When I first wanted a puppy (up to a year before I got Rosco) I FULLY intended that my pup would live outside--because...well...that's where the dog of any sane person lived (in my mindset at the time). Dogs are 'dirty' and 'stinky' and poop and pee and eewwww...why would anyone want an ANIMAL inside their house? That was just unheard of. That's what dog houses and fences were for, no? I just couldn't comprehend it any more than I could comprehend keeping a horse or cow inside...aren't animals MEANT for outdoor living? Isn't that nature? Isn't it gross otherwise?

When I was dating Clark and he'd bring Cass into my apartment it was all I could not to scream. I bit my tongue, but thought it was really annoying and strange of him to do that--esp since animals were not allowed where I lived. I KNEW lots of people kept dogs indoors, but thought it was not for me. Then one day after moving into my new house, I babysat Cass and LOVED it. By then I understood that dogs don't just naturally poop or pee anywhere indoors and she was well behaved, etc. So it wasn't a total shock, but it was great to come home to a happy-to-see me Cass. I even took her...GASP....for a ride in my car!

So people can change their attitude on this, but it's not usually due to logical arguments.

Then again...an ultimatum with a good compromise (crated or leashed in the house or baby gate to contain him to a certain area) might just do the trick: It's ME and my dog...or neither of us!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

See, I just can't understand wanting to get a dog to keep outdoors. How do you interact with them? You have to do everything outdoors? Brushing them, playing with them, training them, feeding them, etc.? Even petting them? You have to sit outdoors to touch your dog? To talk to your dog? If it's pouring rain, you just don't see your dog for a few days? What? I just don't get it. What would be the reason for getting one then?
And you are telling me that adults living in America in the 21st century have never heard of a dog who is house-broken, let alone seen one? They think a dog is like a horse or a cow? Honestly? Children grow up never seeing a pet dog in someone's house? This is truly inconceivable to me.

[F, Calla & Luca]

It's also a cultural concept. There is a Turkish family living near me and they don't believe in keeping dogs in the house. I'm sure they are somewhat disgusted that I do. There are other cultures where people do or did keep farm animals in part of the house. Most of us walk inside our houses with shoes on and bring in all sorts of organisms. If dogs wore underwear, and some pictures on DK prove they can, would they be very different animals than we are in terms of living in a house. Healthy humans can tolerate lots of less than sterile conditions and are perhaps better off for it.

[Adina P]

LOL--yes I had heard of peopIe living with dogs indoors--but it wasn't anything I knew DETAILS about. It was mostly a strange American custom that my Romanian family would never do.
The first puppy we had got its nose rubbed in its pee and lived outside.

I'd visited people who had dogs indoors but my cultural/family background just had me dismiss that as not-so-clean and frankly it freaked me out as a child. It just didn't seem normal or healthy to have a dog indoors. I exaggerated when I said it seemed the same as a cow or horse...of course ;-) But the point was mainly that to ME at that time, it seemed animals were 'naturals' in the outdoors whereas humans needed indoor facilities in which to live.

As to how you interact with a dog outside...I have no idea how others did it. You saw your dog on the way from the car to the house. The dogs we had growing up, by my standards now, were sorely neglected. I played tug with them when I was a little girl (under 5) is all I remember. And as a pre-teen I recall our last dog pretty much just was out of control, jumped on us, tried to sneak in the house, ran away a couple times...was just a nuisance and often annoying. Yet I still remember going out to play with him in the sprinklers every now and then or playing tug. I'd get it over with and then he'd be alone for the rest of the day. I have NO memory of walks and don't think they ever saw a vet. Brush a dog? Why? It never happened to my knowledge. They weren't dear family members...so we had no burning desire to spend a ton of time with them. They were a pet...cool to see now and then, play with when the mood struck, good for barking at people, cute sometimes. But the way I view dogs now is worlds apart. And I can understand my former ways only because I'd BEEN there...but not because it makes sense with my current understanding.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

My mother grew up with dogs in the house, and her parents were born in eastern Europe in the 1890s! They were not educated people. I know there are some cultures that think dogs are dirty, but then why would they have them at all? They don't raise them for food, like farm animals. So where does "outside dog" make sense anywhere other than perhaps a farm? This is what I don't get.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Maybe as watch dogs?

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Not doodles, lol!
Even as watchdogs, they are 1000 times more effective inside the house than out.
Oh well, there are a lot of things I don't understand; seems like there are more the older I get.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I think I understand more but tolerate less except for a few things if that makes any sense. You spring chickens will understand in time.